"Feisty" is the word that I would choose to described the 1st meeting of the season between Bar Hill and Coton 2nds. Last season, the hosts had folded their 1st XI as they struggled to field two teams so were starting again from the bottom of the league structure. This meant they had some players that were obviously capable of playing in a much higher standard. Thus they arrived at the season mid-point with 5 wins out of 5 & one cancellation.
Bar Hill have a ground that slopes considerably from one end to the other and is eccentrically asymmetrical. They also have a fine sports and social club that servers a nice drop of ale.
Coton arrived with 5 wins out of 8 pending the appeal against one of the results. Ross was happy to lose the toss and have the decision on what to do taken out of his hands. We were invited to bat first and were soon in deep trouble.
Pete Jarvis and Oliver Bradbury opened, the former got off the mark with a 3. Oli then played the ball straight to square leg: Pete called for the run and rightly got sent back. While he and Oli debated the rights and wrongs of this at one end of the pitch the ball was returned to the bowler and we were 3-1. 3-1 became 4-2. The other Bar Hill opening bowler - probably the quickest we have seen this season, and also probably the best - bowled a wide, followed by one that broke through the surface and jumped alarmingly followed by one that clipped Ed Wheeler's bails.
This brought Ross to the wicket and then fun started. Within a few balls there had been two loud and enthusiastic shouts for LBW. Neither were out, both warranted a torrent of abuse and chirping at Rob (if only they knew that he was one of the most likely umpires to give a decision). Ross continued to give Bar Hill cause to whine as several more LBW appeals were turned down (127 by my reckoning). Not a one of them were out Ross invariably had a big stride and got outside the line. It didn't stop them from continuing to mouth off at the umpire.
The score was rising quite quickly. Both Ross and Oli were finding the boundary and despite some dodgy running were playing us back into the game. The halfway point was reached without further loss of wickets despite their being an appeal every other ball. In between these there were a couple of dropped chances that ranged between hard and so easy that my granny could have caught them whilst trimming rhubarb.
The two opening bowlers had retired from the attack to fester in the field (and continue appealing). The replacements still had us on our toes as there was quite a bit of movement and variable bounce. As it often does, the drinks break triggered a wicket. Oli feathered one behind and walked immediately. For those unfamiliar with the concept it's called "playing in the spirit of the game". Together Ross and Oli had added 99, Oli's contribution being 32. From 103-3 the rest became a bit of a procession and we subsided to 160 all out. Ross continued on his merry way before taking a tired looking swipe to be dismissed for 82. Nick Brealey and Bertie Elmes played some nice shots before perishing. In the midst of this the Bar Hill team took to abusing Oli who, umpiring at square leg, rightly turned down a run out. The others came and went culminating in a 1st ball duck for Rob. Ironically, after turning down so many appeals, he was LBW. See what happens when you actually bowl one straight? You get a decision in your favour.
Tea was taken and lacked a vital ingredient. Tea. There were a shed load of sandwiches however.
We took the field. It soon transpired that their two best bowlers were their two best batsmen. They got off to a rapid start and were 85-1 after just 15 overs. The ball was flying to all parts: not slogging, well struck cricket shots. Oli and Edward had opened the bowling but Ross proactively rang the changes looking for the breakthrough. He brought himself on at one end which slowed the scoring down and tried Andy and Rob at the other. Despite some near misses it didn't slow things down until the first of the opening bowler/batsmen launched one high into the air. Edward positioned himself under the ball, then decided he had enough time to nip down to Tesco for a soda, before returning to the field and taking the catch.
This brought the second bowler/batsman in and he took over from where the other had left off. The score accelerated again. The other opening bat was just hanging on without scoring too many.
It all turned around when Nick came on to bowl. The ball was launched towards the deep cover boundary. Oli ran in and swooping low took a fine catch on the move. We got the impression that the batsman was angry as he proceeded to demolish the stumps at the bowlers end with his bat and let loose a stream of expletives. Its the sort of thing that would lose a professional a large percentage of his match fee.
It soon became apparent that Bar Hill had a lot riding on those two players as the innings then subsided. Ross was in the middle of one of his patented probing spells and the pressure built up. At the other end Oli and Edward were equally effective. Ross was switching the field between attacking and defending causing the Bar Hill batsmen to think. The required run rate climbed, wickets fell and the batsman became increasingly anxious. Ross bowled out his 10 overs, finishing with 3-26. It was now down to the youngsters - Oli, Edward and Dominic. Oli bowled fast and straight in short bursts. His figures had taken some stick in the first spell against the 2 players in the opposition team. His later spells didn't and he ended with 3-30. Edward bowled four overs for just seven runs and although wicketless this economy pushed the scoring rate up to over a run a ball.
Dominic returned to the attack and was no balled first ball. We all looked confused: was it and overstep or a throw? Neither. The umpire claimed that as Dominic hadn't informed what he was going to bowl, it was a no-ball. Our resident rules geek - Rob - thought this was wrong, that the onus was on the umpire to ascertain the action not the bowler's to volunteer it. Not wanting to get into another bout of verbal jousting he kept his peace. It turns out Rob was right -- we'll have to see what happens in the return fixture.
Anyway, it didn't phase Dominic who ended with 2-22.
With 15 now needed off two overs, the final wicket was a neat bookend to the match. We had started our innings with a run-out and we ended theirs with one. The not-quite-as-bad-as-the-other-guy tailender tried to farm the strike and was run out by a very calm return back to Bertie Elmes who did the rest. 9 wickets had fallen for 61 and Bar Hill were 14 short.
There was just time for their stroppy players to have another hissy fit and didn't mix for a drink in their very nice social club. I wonder if they have some Australian connections? We get to do it all again next week. I can't wait to renew acquaintences with Bar Hill's charming players.
Coton retain the Ashes, beating Coton (a moral victory for The Codgers)
Saturday July 4th. While our colonial brethren celebrated independence, the Coton Codgers took on the young whippersnappers of the "Co-Teens" in a game of cricket. At stake: the Coton Ashes, family bragging rights, parental dignity and much, much more.
The secret cricketer has been notable mostly for his absence in the last few weeks. As some of the codgers prepared the pitch for the game (another tactic by the juniors -- make the old guys do the work and they will be too tired to play) there was a rustling in the bushes. An old figure in shabby cricket whites was spotted.
"Can you lend me £4 for a pint?" he said.
"Four pounds?" came the disbelieving reply.
"Yes, you obviously haven't been in The Plough recently".
Lured from his lair by the promise of a beer and a burger The Secret Cricketer agreed to join The Codgers meaning that they lined up with 13 (only 11 on the field at any time) against 11 juniors.
Ross read out the playing conditions to the teams. When he mentioned "retire on 30" several of the Codgers indicated that they wished they had, only it was 20 years to late. Eventually everyone pretended to understand so we could get started before nightfall.
The Codgers got first use of the wicket lead by their skipper John Hartwright. There was a return to cricket after 15 years away for former player Andy Whitmore and a batting line up that ranged from "just past their prime" to "totally decrepit". Jenny worked out how to fit 13 batsmen into 11 spaces in the score book (hint, Rob's scores wont take up too much space) and then faced a similar challenge with 10 bowlers in 8 spaces.
Ross decided to avoid any embarrassment on the playing front by umpiring whilst simultaneously coaching.
And it started. Right from the outset it became apparent that (a) the Co-teens had 10 players who all knew how to bowl (and Bertie Elmes would have made 11 had he been let out from behind the stumps). A procession of elderly "gentlemen" made their way to the wicket and made steady progress against Paolo, Patrick, Bobby, Tom, Toby, Toby, Dominic, Hannah, Adam and Oliver. Some of the gentlemen retired, others dismissed. Individual details fade. Gabriel gallantly ran himself out taking a quick single to Paolo. Paolo unsportingly (a) didn't fumble the ball and (b) hit the stumps directly, neither of which are familiar concepts to The Codgers. Gabriel's attempts to convince that his runout was to either accelerate the scoring rate or allowed him to get the barbecue heated up didn't find sympathetic ears.
Paul Bradbury manged to edge one to slip where he was put down by a leaping Adam Bradbury. We wondered how much he owed his son for that let-off, an XBOX, perhaps? At the drinks break that followed shortly afterwards, Paul suggested the age old cliche "if you are going flash, flash hard". That he had lowered his trousers to adjust his thigh-guard at this precise moment was a little worrying.
John Bason was bemused and beaten by Hannah Sirringhaus. The need to get everyone a bat meant that "retired out" happened more and more quickly, reaching a crescendo when Rob retired in the process of taking guard. The highlight of the death overs was Scotch taking three successive fours off Paolo, one of which almost resembled a cricket shot.
The seniors limped, wheezed, staggered and groaned their way to 149 in their 28 overs.
The BBQ was ready and a large mound of sausages and burgers consumed in honour of the US Independence Day. Shame there were no fireworks in the cricket that had preceded it.
The Co-teens reply was hampered by it being past Patrick's and Hannah's bed times (or perhaps they had a school concert). They were allowed to have 2 of their 11 get 2nd lives in the batting to give them a full 11. The Codgers opening bowlers were David "Methusalah" Scotcher and Rob "Jared" Kaye. Before the start of the innings, Ross had told the Juniors repeatedly not to hit the ball near Andy "Bucket Hands" Whitmore. Did they listen? They did not. Andy took a smart catch at cover to remove Adam in Rob's first over. In the next over he missed a hard chance off Scotch: despite being away from the game for so long, Andy had apparently got the message that you have to drop the ball off Scotch's bowling.
After 2 overs, Rob was relieved by a substitute fielder. This idea of having more than 11 players could catch on for the Codgers. Unfortunately the new fielder wasn't in the Gary Pratt class.
The juniors, led by Bobby Elmes and Paolo made steady progress against a wildly varied Codger bowling attack. Andy Whitmore rolled back the years with some good overs, Gaurav, Pete Jarvis, John Hartwright and Matt Chandler provided some variety. Paul Bradbury bowled his obligatory overs before switching John Bason who emerged from behind the stumps to do his Paul Adams impersonation.
The scores got closer. Nick Brealey bowled some accurate overs and the Co-teens were down to their last two batsmen. They just happened to be their two post experienced and - arguably - best: Bobby (who had retired earlier) and Adam (who had won the "bat twice" lottery.
John called on his two most experienced campaigners, Scotch and Rob. The gap in the scores slowly narrowed. The penultimate over arrived with the Juniors on 147-9. Three to win, two to tie. Rob rumbled up and Bobby smashed it straight and true. A little too straight as it turned out as it flew into middle stump at the bowler's end. The next ball was dispatched for two to bring the scores level. This was followed by two balls that went through to the keeper. The penultimate ball of the over was knocked back in the direction of Rob who held on to a fairly simple caught and bowled to bring the match to a conclusion with the scores tied.
Adam - remembering Ross's rules lecture from four hours earlier - tried to argue the case that he should bat on. But Ross brought into play rule 6.2, clause (a), paragraph (ii) that this did not apply with batsmen getting a 2nd chance. So, we had an honorable tie, or did we? Jenny checked the book and declared that yes indeed the scores were level.
Given the athleticism and ability of the Co-teens, which was probably worth forty or more runs in the field, a tie could be a regarded as a moral victory for the Codgers. But what about the guile and experience of those older cricketers? Surely that would balance the energy and enthusiasm, you ask? Well, almost, but not quite. Perhaps it would have if one of the Co-teens wrote the report, but they didn't.
The secret cricketer retired to the bushes and the rest of gathered around some cold sausages and cold beers. It was then that the Gilbert and Sullivan society started their rendition of one of the duo's lesser known works: The Cricketers of Coton, the highlight being the aria "You don't take one to Paolo".
There's a rumour that there may be a rematch. The scary thing is the Codgers will all be one year older and one year less fit. The Co-teens will also be one year older, but in their case, one year better.
The secret cricketer has been notable mostly for his absence in the last few weeks. As some of the codgers prepared the pitch for the game (another tactic by the juniors -- make the old guys do the work and they will be too tired to play) there was a rustling in the bushes. An old figure in shabby cricket whites was spotted.
"Can you lend me £4 for a pint?" he said.
"Four pounds?" came the disbelieving reply.
"Yes, you obviously haven't been in The Plough recently".
Lured from his lair by the promise of a beer and a burger The Secret Cricketer agreed to join The Codgers meaning that they lined up with 13 (only 11 on the field at any time) against 11 juniors.
Ross read out the playing conditions to the teams. When he mentioned "retire on 30" several of the Codgers indicated that they wished they had, only it was 20 years to late. Eventually everyone pretended to understand so we could get started before nightfall.
The Codgers got first use of the wicket lead by their skipper John Hartwright. There was a return to cricket after 15 years away for former player Andy Whitmore and a batting line up that ranged from "just past their prime" to "totally decrepit". Jenny worked out how to fit 13 batsmen into 11 spaces in the score book (hint, Rob's scores wont take up too much space) and then faced a similar challenge with 10 bowlers in 8 spaces.
Ross decided to avoid any embarrassment on the playing front by umpiring whilst simultaneously coaching.
And it started. Right from the outset it became apparent that (a) the Co-teens had 10 players who all knew how to bowl (and Bertie Elmes would have made 11 had he been let out from behind the stumps). A procession of elderly "gentlemen" made their way to the wicket and made steady progress against Paolo, Patrick, Bobby, Tom, Toby, Toby, Dominic, Hannah, Adam and Oliver. Some of the gentlemen retired, others dismissed. Individual details fade. Gabriel gallantly ran himself out taking a quick single to Paolo. Paolo unsportingly (a) didn't fumble the ball and (b) hit the stumps directly, neither of which are familiar concepts to The Codgers. Gabriel's attempts to convince that his runout was to either accelerate the scoring rate or allowed him to get the barbecue heated up didn't find sympathetic ears.
Paul Bradbury manged to edge one to slip where he was put down by a leaping Adam Bradbury. We wondered how much he owed his son for that let-off, an XBOX, perhaps? At the drinks break that followed shortly afterwards, Paul suggested the age old cliche "if you are going flash, flash hard". That he had lowered his trousers to adjust his thigh-guard at this precise moment was a little worrying.
John Bason was bemused and beaten by Hannah Sirringhaus. The need to get everyone a bat meant that "retired out" happened more and more quickly, reaching a crescendo when Rob retired in the process of taking guard. The highlight of the death overs was Scotch taking three successive fours off Paolo, one of which almost resembled a cricket shot.
The seniors limped, wheezed, staggered and groaned their way to 149 in their 28 overs.
The BBQ was ready and a large mound of sausages and burgers consumed in honour of the US Independence Day. Shame there were no fireworks in the cricket that had preceded it.
The Co-teens reply was hampered by it being past Patrick's and Hannah's bed times (or perhaps they had a school concert). They were allowed to have 2 of their 11 get 2nd lives in the batting to give them a full 11. The Codgers opening bowlers were David "Methusalah" Scotcher and Rob "Jared" Kaye. Before the start of the innings, Ross had told the Juniors repeatedly not to hit the ball near Andy "Bucket Hands" Whitmore. Did they listen? They did not. Andy took a smart catch at cover to remove Adam in Rob's first over. In the next over he missed a hard chance off Scotch: despite being away from the game for so long, Andy had apparently got the message that you have to drop the ball off Scotch's bowling.
After 2 overs, Rob was relieved by a substitute fielder. This idea of having more than 11 players could catch on for the Codgers. Unfortunately the new fielder wasn't in the Gary Pratt class.
The juniors, led by Bobby Elmes and Paolo made steady progress against a wildly varied Codger bowling attack. Andy Whitmore rolled back the years with some good overs, Gaurav, Pete Jarvis, John Hartwright and Matt Chandler provided some variety. Paul Bradbury bowled his obligatory overs before switching John Bason who emerged from behind the stumps to do his Paul Adams impersonation.
The scores got closer. Nick Brealey bowled some accurate overs and the Co-teens were down to their last two batsmen. They just happened to be their two post experienced and - arguably - best: Bobby (who had retired earlier) and Adam (who had won the "bat twice" lottery.
John called on his two most experienced campaigners, Scotch and Rob. The gap in the scores slowly narrowed. The penultimate over arrived with the Juniors on 147-9. Three to win, two to tie. Rob rumbled up and Bobby smashed it straight and true. A little too straight as it turned out as it flew into middle stump at the bowler's end. The next ball was dispatched for two to bring the scores level. This was followed by two balls that went through to the keeper. The penultimate ball of the over was knocked back in the direction of Rob who held on to a fairly simple caught and bowled to bring the match to a conclusion with the scores tied.
Adam - remembering Ross's rules lecture from four hours earlier - tried to argue the case that he should bat on. But Ross brought into play rule 6.2, clause (a), paragraph (ii) that this did not apply with batsmen getting a 2nd chance. So, we had an honorable tie, or did we? Jenny checked the book and declared that yes indeed the scores were level.
Given the athleticism and ability of the Co-teens, which was probably worth forty or more runs in the field, a tie could be a regarded as a moral victory for the Codgers. But what about the guile and experience of those older cricketers? Surely that would balance the energy and enthusiasm, you ask? Well, almost, but not quite. Perhaps it would have if one of the Co-teens wrote the report, but they didn't.
The secret cricketer retired to the bushes and the rest of gathered around some cold sausages and cold beers. It was then that the Gilbert and Sullivan society started their rendition of one of the duo's lesser known works: The Cricketers of Coton, the highlight being the aria "You don't take one to Paolo".
There's a rumour that there may be a rematch. The scary thing is the Codgers will all be one year older and one year less fit. The Co-teens will also be one year older, but in their case, one year better.
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