Cup Run Cut Short at Bluntisham by Captain Sensible

Nine weary Coton Cricketers staggered into the changing rooms at Bluntisham.  We had been soundly beaten but there was not a hint of despondency in the air.  Nine players from Junior 5B beaten by a team from a higher league that even included three first XI players normally accustomed to strutting their stuff in Senior 2, 6 divisions higher.  Perhaps the strange, lone walker that had circled the Rec the day before while we were beating Thriplow was actually a spy rather than just someone who had brought his dog to despoil the field?  “They are quite good, better strengthen the team...”

Meanwhile, that changing room resembled an A&E more than a cricket pavilion.  There was Rob with his paronychia and other assorted bruises, Safwan and his ankle, Dave and his contusion (a lasting reminder to catch the ball, and Dan “My left elbow doesn’t hurt but everything else does” Garson each trying to outdo the other for sympathy.  Surgeon-in-residence Gabriel passed around the wounded and firm passing out comforting words and advice.  Seriously, when he gives up playing cricket he could have a fine career in medicine, it’s just a shame that he forgot to bring Nurse Alex Price with him.

Rewind!  There was a match played.  We entered a team in the Lower Junior Cup – a competition where we inevitably lose, if we haven’t already conceded – on the basis that 2012 would see a Coton Development Team taking part.  As it was, the 9 consisted of 7 of the team that had successfully beaten Thriplow the previous day, plus Andy (who had asked to play in only one of the games) and Richard who hadn’t been available.

The skipper cunningly told Safwan that the driving time was much longer than it actually was so he arrived on time.  This was important as he was giving lifts to Dan and Matt.   

On a blazing summer’s day - “Oh!  What a Scorcher!” – (C) The Sun - it was critically important for the skipper to win the toss.  So he didn’t and we got to field first on a flat pitch with a fast outfield and nine men.  The Bluntisham skipper magnanimously loaned us an extra fielder (perhaps to assuage his guilt in including the first team players) which was to prove very helpful later.  There was the possibility of two Bradburies arriving later but they were unable to finagle themselves out of family and school commitments.  They were the lucky ones.

El Capitan gave the new ball to Dan and Gabriel.  There was a steady start but it soon became apparent that Bluntisham knew what they were doing.  The ball was swinging quite prodigiously making it a very difficult and uncomfortable day for Rob behind the stumps scrambling for wide balls.  The score started to tick over, edges were found, runs accumulated, the fielders chased and the wickets didn’t come.

Over the 40 overs the bowling was shared amongst seven bowlers, only Andy and Rob not taking a turn.  Ullasa was the steadiest, conceding just thirty in seven overs and making the initial breakthrough.  Richard took two wickets including bowling the opposition opener (on 81) behind his legs with one that both swang and cut.  The look on the batsman’s face was one of total bewilderment.

Scotch now chipped in when he induced a false stroke that went straight to the substitute fielder the opposition had loaned us.  The latter gave us all a lesson on catching the ball, and a lesson to Dave: the opposition are more likely to help you get wickets than your own team. 

Two longish drinks breaks, frequent stops to recover balls lost in the bushes and general slow movement contributed to a long afternoon in the field (I swear there was an oasis over by the point boundary at one point).   Dan took the last wicket to fall and finally the forty overs ended with the score on 298-5.   

Bluntisham laid on a fine tea but for most of us it was more a case of taking on as much liquid as we could before batting.

Gabriel and Richard opened and made steady progress.  Bluntisham – despite having a full complement – struggled in the field as well.  After ten overs they resorted to bowling first team players and that precipitated the loss of two wickets.  First Richard and then Andy were bowled.  Dan joined Gabriel and the run rate started to accelerate.  Dan was hitting some great shots and Gabriel chipped in with a few of his own before being the third to depart at 72.  

Safwan hammered some lusty blows, including a flat bat six and the score ticked over nicely.

Dan was visibly tiring in the heat.  Shots that had gone to the boundary earlier lacked zip and were cut off and quick twos became less quick singles.   After contributing 26 in quick time, Safwan was dismissed and Ullasa went to the middle.  He quickly joined the fun and also added 26 before being run out by a direct hit from cover.

Dan was approaching his fifty, using all the width of a bat that proudly advertised 50mm edges.   Rob also used the edge intelligently before chopping on to his stumps, hanging around with Dan long enough for the latter to get his 50.  This left just enough time for a cameo from Matt (3 balls) and yet another not out (1 off 1 ball) from Scotch to see off the full allocation of overs.   Dan finished on 58 not out, his best score for the club.

 197-7 was 100 runs short of the target but nevertheless a very creditable performance given the opposition and our lack of numbers.

Still, we can concentrate on the league now

Coton Home Guard on Parade by Capt. Mainwearing

When the Home Guard was formed in 1940 it consisted of volunteers that were too old or too young to be in the regular army, along with those in restricted professions.   The 1^st Coton Platoon is no exception to this.  The established mixture of grizzled veterans, callow youths and assorted miscreants took to the hallowed turf on the 26^th May to repel the insurgents from Thriplow.  It was a blazing early summer’s day with nary a cloud in the sky.  

Corporal Neil Sparnon was lovingly working on the pitch with Private Garson as assorted cadets / juniors left the playing area under the watchful eye of Captain Chandler R. (ANZACs, retired) after their latest win.  Corporal Sparnon had been deprived of his beauty sleep during the week but was not noticeably worse for wear.   The rest of the platoon began to assemble.  As well as the aforementioned sappers, Captain Kaye, Sergeant Fox, Privates Chandler (M), Akram, Kodandaramaiah, Parashar, Simmons and Scotcher along with Cadet Elmes were on duty this week.  I was pleased to note that after being put on report for being scruffy last week, Privates Scotcher and Chandler (M) had removed their facial hair.  Captain Kaye continues to flout regulations and will need to be dealt with later.

Under a white truce flag Captain Kaye accompanied the opposing commander to the wicket to negotiate the terms of surrender decide who would bat first.  For once our Captain won the toss and decided that we would have the first go at dismissing the opposition: it’s a very civilised form of warfare, this.  Both sets of troops were wearing white uniforms but Thriplow helpfully had sponsor’s names on their shirts allowing us to differentiate from our own troops and avoid any injuries due to friendly fire (as if...).

Discipline has become a bit lax recently, so the platoon was assembled for parade prior to taking the field.  After an inspirational speech from the Captain with sage words from the NCOs we were ready to play.   Corporal Sparnon and Private Garson were first into the attack.  After the match, I saw that the latter’s name had been entered into dispatches as “Garcon”.  This was presumably in the hope that he would be serving up some buffet bowling: wishful thinking on the opposition’s part.

The first casualty was dispatched by Corporal Sparnon when the opener sliced a drive to Private Simmons at point.  This was followed by Private Garson bowling the other opener.  Thriplow were looking shell shocked and tried to regroup to form a counter offensive.  It was never to materialise.  Captain Kaye rang the bowling changes and all five troopers called upon responded with wickets: 3 to Private Konandaramaiah, 2 each for Scotcher, Garson and Sparnon and a solitary victim for Chandler (M).  The wickets fell at regular interval with the shattering of stumps interspersed with some catches.  Two of these came to Cadet Elmes.  It is no coincidence that the youngest, fittest member of the team is making catches as he is the one most capable of movement towards the ball.  One was particularly noteworthy as Corporal (“they don’t like it up ‘em”) Sparnon tried to bounce out the opposition skipper.  Normally a bouncer on our pitch is accompanied by a loud thwack, followed by a curse from the square league fielder sent to retrieve the ball and a chorus of “pitch it up” from the rest of the team.  This one was distinctly nasty and the Thriplow player’s awkward attempt to play it resulted in the ball popping up on the leg side.  Captain Kaye rumbled towards it from behind the stumps and for a moment it looked like he might run Cadet Elmes into the pitch.  Somewhere in the distance a voice was heard: “don’t panic!”  However the skipper had the presence of mind to give up any pretence of reaching the ball and a diving, rolling Cadet Elmes completed the catch.  This denied the Captain the opportunity to use that hackneyed catchphrase from Dad’s Army (all together now – “you stupid boy”).  Private Kodandaramaiah took his first two catches for the club to go with his three wickets.

I would love to say these catches were indicative of the practice that we had put in.  This would not be true and Private Scotcher – who could have had another 5-for - was denied 3 times in one over with drops by Simmons, Chandler & Elmes, each in turn treating the ball like a hand grenade with no pin and getting rid of it as soon as possible.  Cadet Elmes has the excuse that it would have been a simple catch had he been eighteen, but needs a few more years growing before he could have reached it comfortably.

The innings ended with a final catch by Private Kodandaramaiah off the bowling of Private Chandler.  Cadet Elmes - on high alert having been told he was going to lead the charge in the next over - was thus denied his first opportunity to bowl in the league.  There will be others.

Thriplow were dismissed for 88.  We had no casualties to report.  In the NAAFI, land girl Aaaaajanet (don’t ask) had laid on a fine spread.  

Captain Kaye reviewed his batting options and took a fairly simplistic view of the order.  Those who had not done their duty either bowling or keeping wicket would take the lead in what we hoped would be a march to victory.  So the first five places were decided.  The bowlers would become the rearguard.

Sergeant Fox lead the way with Private Simmons.  As always Sergeant Fox adopted the policy that defence is the best form of attack and started digging trenches around the wicket (he called it “taking guard”) while Private Simmons took on a more aggressive approach.  We made steady progress with no alarms as we advanced towards the target.   Reports from the front suggested some dissent in the enemy ranks.

“This ball is still quite shiny” says the bowler.

“Well, we didn’t do much to knock the shine off” came the reply.

Sledging your own team?   Not something we would do, is it?

Sergeant Fox then drove one back to the toiling bowler who took the return catch.  This brought Private Akram to the wicket.  He carefully played himself in by watching the first ball before launching into several huge swings some of which actually connected.  We later find out that the swings and misses were purposefully played down the wrong line as a rather elaborate diversionary tactic.

The scoring rate now picked up.  At ten overs we had twenty four on the board, but the remaining sixty five runs took just thirteen more.  Private Akram was now finding the target with his swings and Private Simmons sent fusillade after fusillade to the boundary.  Thriplow threw more and more bowlers into the attack in vain attempt to stem the flow.

The scores were leveled in bizarre fashion.  Private Simmons launched a huge shot to cow corner.  A brave Thriplow trooper positioned himself under the descending ball about eight yards in from the rope (we really have one now).  Then, he seemed to make the decision that he had enough and instead of catching the ball he headed it over the line for 6.  There was a huge thump as ball connected with skull but no blood.  He staggered around for several seconds and was then escorted to the bench while Private Kodandaramaiah took the field looking very nervous in case Dave tried the same shot again.  He didn’t.  The next ball was scrambled for a leg bye and we had won by nine wickets.

Cadet Elmes, having been denied a bowl when he was next in line, was thus denied a bat in similar circumstances.

So, we had a convincing victory by nine wickets, based on a good all around team performance.  With two wins out of three we are third in the league and it’s looking quite promising.  We generally been stronger than the opposition in most areas(*) in the last two games.  Some detective work by Sergeant Lewis Fox has turned up an interesting fact about Whittlesford who beat us on the opening day.  The chap who scored all the runs against us is an ex-Cambridge County Player & has played “List A” one day games against 1^st class counties!  The game against us was his first ever for the 2^nd XI, having scored close to 10,000 runs for the first team.   No wonder, in the worlds of Private Kodandaramaiah he “knew how to play straight bowling”.

(*) except wicket keeping.

Pirates! In an Adventure with Cricket Bats!

On the 19^th May 2012 the good ship Coton CC set sail for Barrington under overcast skies.  Thankfully the rain held off.  Winds were set fair and we made landfall at 1pm.  In deference to the junior crewmembers we decided to forego the raping and burning and content ourselves with pillaging (runs that is) in one the nicest places to play cricket in Cambridgeshire.  It was first mate East’s first game of the season and we got the traditional text warning of stormy waters on the M11 and a possible late arrival.  He still got there before able seaman Akram who had been cast adrift in a longboat.

Captain Kaye lost the toss again and there was talk of mutiny amongst the crew which the skipper dodged by taking first watch as umpire. We were to bat first.  Ship’s surgeon Gabriel Fox opened the batting with able seaman Garson.

The opening skirmishes were, as they often are, just a sounding out of the opposition but crewman Garson was lost in action missing a straight one from Barrington’s youthful opening bowler.  The other bowler was (shall we say) less youthful and was quickly hit out of the attack by surgeon Fox and able seaman Akram.  He retired to nurse his wounds.  Crewman Akram took the attack to the enemy with some lusty blows whilst surgeon Gabriel dropped anchor: a role in which he is well practiced.  The best of Akram’s shots included a straight driven four past the remaining opening bowler and a drive for six over extra cover to the short boundary. So serene was the progress it was something of a surprise when able seaman Akram lost his wicket for 41.  It had been a good, quick, start and we were set for plundering a useful score.

Helmsman Sparnon now entered the fray.  He is to be commended for all the additional rowing duty he has been undertaking – often hauling the club forward when we are becalmed – but his quiet (!) authoritative presence is welcome on the cricket pitch too.   After Safwan’s quick scoring Sparnon and Fox kept the scoreboard ticking over with some steady play and it was something of a surprise when helmsman Sparnon clattered a long hop straight to the fielder at the point boundary.  Returning to the safe harbour of the pavilion our Chairman demanded of the tallymen to know how many he had scored.  “15 or 20?” he guessed.  “9!” came the reply.  Neil withdrew to a safe distance to consider this.

Cameron the cabin boy was now pressed into service.  One good shot brought three runs but for the second game running he managed to pick out a fielder with an otherwise good shot.  Surgeon Fox was undone after 26 patient runs by a ball that misbehaved, kept low, and snuck though the otherwise solid defence to dislodge the bails.  The old boat was creaking somewhat and taking in water: time for some rebuilding.  Cabin boy Bobby belied his youthful age with an innings of great patience and endeavour.  Along with able seaman Chandler the innings was brought back to an even keel.  18 runs to Matt and 19 to Bobby set us for a final flurry.  Able seaman Kodandaramaiah and (less) able seaman Scotcher took us through to the end.  Ullasa seemed unable to get bat on ball at first but ended with some lusty blows that yielded 21 runs and Dave ended not out 7 and in need of oxygen after “running” a 3.    

1^st mate East and captain Kaye avoided batting duties and may be keelhauled later.

After a fine tea, featuring homemade biscuits we took the field.  Captain Kaye called up Dan and Dave to open the bowling.  Dan produced some unplayable deliveries but also some short pitched bowling that was dispatched over the very short square boundary for maximums.  

At the other end Scotch removed two Barringtonians to claim his 98^th and 99^th league wickets for Coton.  It was time to change at the top end and the captain surveyed the field for a likely volunteer.  His gaze settled on Ullasa who had not been able to hide.  It turned out to be a good move (better sometimes to be a lucky captain than a skilful one).  Ullasa produced 10 tight overs.  There was only one wicket – a beautiful cutback that removed off stump – but little to be hit and several near missed.  

At the other end Scotch was tearing out his hair (don’t worry, you have lots to spare) as the ball repeatedly missed the stumps, and the fielders.  The 100^th wicket wouldn’t come and the opposition skipper was pulling his team ever closer.  Time for change.  Neil ran in and wanged it down straight and fast: compulsory rowing for all the crew is order perhaps.  He also suffered from the ball in the air but not to fielder syndrome but did engineer a classic fast bowlers dismissal: full length, moving away, drive, edge, pouched by the keeper.  Four down and the game in the balance.  Ullasa continued to pepper the increasingly defiant defenders at one end, Neil was firing broadside after broadside at the other but the wickets did not come.

A double bowling change brought Matt to the top end and Scotch back at the other.  Matt’s first few balls gave Barrington the edge but it was Scotch’s eight over that changed the match.

First ball: wicket, his 100^th for the club, was followed by a nervous dot and then a smart stumping from captain Kaye.  It seemed that the umpire’s finger would never go up, but it eventually it did.  Another dot followed and then a third wicket for the man of the moment.  Suddenly with seven down and still 50 to get the wind was with Coton.  Setting our sails a sixth wicket soon followed for Dave.  For once, people had caught the ball off his bowling: Gabriel, Rads and Dan all took good catches for him.  Dan’s parry and dive and Rad’s lumbering casual one handed take were particularly worthy of note.

Matt had got his rhythm by now and the Barrington number nine launched the ball high in the air on the offside with a desperate swipe.  Up it went.  Albatrosses circled, Coton crewmen looked for places to hide and Bobby Elmes was left under the swirling ball, silence prevailed.  Down it dropped into his safe hands and he looked around quizzically as if to ask his cheering shipmates, “why the big fuss?"   It was a great catch, young man, that's why!

Neil finished off the innings with a snorter that clattered into the stumps, and it was a win by 44 runs.  

The most pleasing aspect was the all round performance.  40+ runs from Safwan, 20s from Gabriel and Ullasa and high-teens from Bobby and Matt.  5 good catches taken from aggressive straight bowling from Neil, Ullasa and Matt, and what can you say about another 6-for haul from the evergreen Dave Scotcher?  

It should now have been time for some carousing in the local tavern, racous drinking of ale and lusty tavern wenches.  Instead we went to the Barrington Social Club and watched something called “football” while Scotch got in the jugs that his six wickets demanded (he had conveniently forgotten to bring any money, however).  But still, we have some good tales to tell of our raid pirate raid on Barrington.

"The Pirate Captain".

Captain’s blog, star date 20120505

Cricket... The ultimate team sport. These are the voyages of the cricket club Coton. It's one year mission, to get promoted out of junior five.  To seek out new pubs in strange remote villages.  To find previously undiscovered ways of losing matches.  To baldly go where no team has gone before.

And so, our 2012 cricket trek begins.  Since we have arrived in the watery world known as the 2012 Season the rain has been unrelenting, so much so that the rabbits on Coton Rec have been eaten by alligators.  It was something of a surprise that when I spoke to the Whittlesford captain earlier in the week he was positive the game would go ahead.  And so it did on a pitch that was soft and slow but remarkably good given the prevailing weather.  At one point during the match play was suspended while we looked up and wondered what the watery yellow object peaking through an area where the clouds were less thick could possibly be.  We hadn’t seen any previous evidence of a sun in this system.

The traditional landing party beamed down to Whittlesford.  The captain was joined by 1^st Officer Fox, Science Officer Simmons, officer Breward on loan from accounting, crewmen Scotcher, Allison, Chandler (M), Kodandaramiah and Ensigns Bradbury (A), Elmes and Black.  No one was wearing a red shirt.  Special commendation should be made of Ensigns Elmes and Black on their first away mission.  The both performed very creditably, showed excellent technique and understanding of protocols and reflect admirably on Training Officer Chandler (R) and this team.

I have to report that the captain failed in his first duty and lost the toss.  We were therefore compelled to bat first.  Rob looked around the dressing room to see if any of the crew were looking like volunteers to open the batting.  They weren’t: so the finger of doom pointed at Simmons and Bradbury.  

The pitch was slow and anything off line or short was duly dispatched by the opening pair.  It was evident from the off that accurate bowling would be difficult to get away and would be the order of the day.  This didn’t auger well for us when it was our turn later.

The two openers got up off to a fine start with a 50 partnership at about 4 an over.  Ensign Bradbury was a little unlucky to hit a good stroke uppishly and pick out the best fielder.  Officer Simmons soon followed.  Officer Breward – the club’s telepath – had tried to project a call silently but the atmospheric conditions interfered.  As did the pitch condition as Officer Simmons slipped and was run out.  

Crewman Allison was next into the firing line.  Along with Crewman Breward they scored over 70 for the 3^rd wicket taking us to 130-2 with around 8 overs left.   This precipitated a Coton collapse as we lost 7 wickets in that time searching for quick runs.  Patient play would yield benefits as our two big partnerships had illustrated, but chasing quick runs was not easy on this pitch.  155-9 was a good total, we thought, driven by 30s from officers Simmons, Breward and Allison.  Both junior Ensigns had looked good batting and were unfortunate to have a bigger impact.  Crewman Kodandaramaiah sacrificed his wicket and the innings finished with Captain Kaye and Crewman Scotcher auditioning for Strictly Come Dancing mid-wicket.  Whittlesford’s change bowlers had adapted to the conditions better and proved more of a handful than their openers.

During the tea interval we showed ample evidence that the standard of humour in the team had not improved with the new season.  Officer Fox had to resume his former role of Child Welfare Officer and lecture some crew members for their language.  Unfortunately it was one of the Ensigns that needed the admonishment.

We bowled.  Crewmen Kodandaramaiah and Chandler were much faster than the bowling on view in the first innings.  The bat was beaten several times but any bad deliveries dispatched.  It’s an old adage that it is harder to score when pace is taken off the ball and this was certainly proving to be the case here.  The canny, septuagenarian opener was picking off runs easily and it was time for change.

Captain Kaye juggled his bowlers (not literally, some of them are hard to lift) trying both himself and Crewman Scotcher.  Crewman Scotcher was strangely off form.  Perhaps he had the impending cup final on his mind and tried to finish the match quickly.  He eschewed the approach of bowling them out and opted for gifting runs.  Captain Kaye was little better.  It was now that Crewman Breward collapsed in pain with a knee injury.  We beamed him back to sick bay where for recuperation.  The early season stiffness and cold weather looked like claiming other victims as well.

Captain Kaye took over behind the stumps to the evident relief of the crew.  Not that they regard his as a better keeper, rather that he would stop bowling.  Cadet Bradbury (O) who had smuggled aboard tuck up fielding duties while Ensign Bradbury and Crewman Allison took up the bowling mantle.  Whittlesford had passed 100 with no wickets down.  It was looking easy for them but there was to be a final twist. 

First up was Ensign Bradbury.  He beat the opener with a spinning ball and the stand in keeper took a stumping.  I would like to say it was smart stumping, in truth the batsman had slipped and there was lots of time.

Next ball Ensign Bradbury rearranged the stumps but his hat trick ball was dealt with competently.

In the very next over Crewman Allison repeated the two wickets in two balls trick and in less than 2 overs 110-0 had become 111-4.  Whittlesford were now looking to the weather.  Two more wickets were prised out by crewman Allison, the second to fine running catch by Ensign Bradbury.

It wasn’t enough and Whittlesford limped across the line with 10 balls to spare and 4 wickets in hand.  A well played game which proved to be the only one that went ahead in Junior 5 over the weekend.

Commendations is dispatches are made for Crewman Allison (4 wickets, 30 runs, good fielding), Ensign Bradbury (good batting at the top of the order, 2 wickets, excellent fielding), Officer Simmons (34) and Crewman Breward (39, and injured in the line of duty).  Honourable mentions are made for Ensigns Elmes and Black for their debuts in trying conditions and indeed for all the team for their contributions big and small.

Next week it is back to the swamp world of Coton, weather permitting.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard