Peter Pan, the Cricketing Years, by Captain Hook

And so, the curtain falls on the 2012 cricket season.   It ended in a blaze of sunshine on a hot summer day and brings to an end a season that often seemed as if it would never start.  The final tally: played 8, won 5 lost 3 with 4 games lost to the weather and two more due to a team dropping out.   We finished a solid 3^rd.  Above us, Sawston to whom we lost two close games and were definitely the best team that we encountered this year and Newton who dodged us twice in cancelled games.  Could we have beaten them?  Teams that played both us and Newton reckoned we were the stronger side but we will never know for sure.

On the individual front:

• Safwan was the top run scorer with 290 runs at an average of 58.  Ullasa and Dan (in the cup) also hit half centuries.

• Scotch was the top wicket taker with 22 @ 6.82.  He had two 5 (or better) wicket performances.   Ullasa, Dan and Neil were also high up in the bowling charts.

But I digress.  We ended the season with a traditional pantomime.  Peter Pan’s cricketing years have been lost in mists of time but we decided to re-enact them on this day.  Captain Hook (or, to give him his full name Captain Cross Batted Slog to Cow Corner) lost the toss – and some would say, the plot - whereupon Bassingbourn chose to bat and have us in field in the heat.  This put paid to the plan Hook had formed to bat first, run up a big score against a winless team and then “experiment” with the bowling.  

Holidays had deprived us of The Bradburys, Neil and Matt.  Ullasa was away in Bangalore getting married of all things.  With so many of the regulars missing, we welcomed back The Lost Boys (Slightly and Tootles) who hadn’t played for a couple of seasons and were joined in Neverland by Mr Darling and his son Michael who had foregone his regular fishing trip (the mermaids say "hi").  This meant that we had a wicket keeper the right side of 50 for once which was useful given the lines adopted by some of our bowlers.  Peter Pan had brokered a truce between the Pirates (Smee, Gentleman Starkey, Noodler) and the Lost Boys (Nibs was there as well) and as a reward was given the new ball along with Prince Charming.  Prince Charming you ask, surely that is the wrong pantomime?  Well yes, but there was a lack of dashing heroes without him so he bravely swapped pantomimes.

We got off to a good start with wickets for The Prince and Peter Pan, once again, rolling back the years.  His first over went for 8 runs, the next 9 for just 7.   With three down (two bowled, one caught at short cover by Slightly) Hook rang the bowling changes.  The skipper hadn’t turned his arm over since the opening day but slotted back into the grove.  One over yielded four LBW shouts, all rejected, that led to a bit of chit chat at the umpire.  

“That was out”!

“Oh no, it wasn’t”!

“Oh yes, it was”!

Repeat until bored.

Hook was roundly booed by the audience.  Meanwhile Tootles, who hadn’t bowled for a couple of years, was struggling for consistency.  Some good balls and some very, very wide ones came down making young Michael Darling leap around behind the stumps.  The flying lessons from Peter Pan came in handy for reaching some of the deliveries.

One of these wide balls led to a real cloud pleaser.  Hook made an inelegant dive to prevent it running for four but on recovering his feet could not locate the ball.  “It’s behind you” roared the team and around he turned.  “It’s behind you” they roared again and again.  The batsmen had stopped running they were laughing so hard.  Eventually the errant ball was located behind one of the many piles of grass cuttings in the outfield and returned somewhat sheepishly to the keeper.

Changes were needed.  Bassingbourn were threatening to get a big score.   Slightly took over from Tootles and bowled some excellent leg spin.  It was as if he had been the other way.  At the other end Gentleman Starkey replaced the still embarrassed Hook and bowled five tight overs.  We still couldn’t make the breakthrough until the opposition skipper, who had made 50, cut a Slightly spinner to point.  At point stood Noodler and, pausing for dramatic effect and with assorted “oohs” and “aahs” from the assembled masses, HE HELD THE CATCH.  Noodler then gave his colleagues a look to say “what, did you think I would drop it”?   Well, if the evidence of the preceding games is anything to go by we could have made a case.  

In the meantime one of the Bassingbourn players had retired, knackered: a tactic that I will be adopting next season.

Hook brought back the opening bowlers and wickets came for quickly.  Prince Charming broke yet another bail and Peter Pan got three more.  The last of these showed either that magic does exist or that when your luck is in, it’s in.  On the last ball of the innings the batsman made a wild charge down the track and missed.  The keeper couldn’t hold on and the ball dropped earthwards.   It was at this stage I could swear I could hear a tinkling bell and a susurration that sounded like “I do believe in fairies, I do”.   Whatever.    The ball dropped onto Michael’s foot (not Michael Foot) and from there rolled inexorably towards the stumps where in slow motion the bail dropped to the ground in a shower of fairy dust.  And that was the end of the innings.

Peter Pan was beside himself.  Another 5 wicket haul meant another jug!   You could say that Peter was out of his brain on the 5-15!

Meanwhile, Wendy had arrived with the teas but much to everyone’s disappointment would not tell us a story.

Bassingbourn had 143, which was a decent but not too threatening total.   Smee, returning from the Seychelles, opened the batting with Slightly.  We have struggled for a regular opening pair at times this season with retirements and absences and this experiment didn’t seem to be working either.   Slightly was quickly dismissed and followed a couple of overs later by Tootles.  The latter was unlucky having watched the ball trickle on to the stumps after a solid defensive block.  Tootles had been put high up the order as he was on duty at The Plough (a bit of a wimpy landlubber name for a Pirate tavern) in the evening and needed to make a quick departure stage left after his performance.   

This brought Noodler to the wicket to join Smee.   Noodler has played some explosive knocks this season however today he had an upset stomach.  He had already spent some overs off the field in the first innings.

It took a few balls to get his range but soon the hapless Bassingbourn bowlers were being summarily dispatched to all points of the compass.  One shot landed in a bush close to the footpath, another skittered across the road and the grand finale hit the trees at the footpath end about ¾ of the way up and was never seen again.  Five times in all the rope was cleared to go along with eight fours.  Noodler’s 50 came up off 28 balls.   We were rocking and Bassingbourn put to the sword.   Smee was taking a supporting role as is his wont but hit some fine shots as well.  He was now limping quite badly (the wooden leg had woodworm) and turning twos into ones and ones into dot balls.

The third wicket partnership added 107 in quick time before Noodler – possibly needing another visit below decks for his dicky stomach – was out for 75 off 50 balls.  This was the highest individual score for Coton in 2012 and his 3^rd half century of the campaign.   It seems a little unfair for a non-imbiber to be obliged to procure foaming drinks of ale for the crew: but we have never let that stop us before.

Smee was now joined by Nibs for a quick cameo and then finally Price Charming.  Smee’s leg injury was getting worse but he was ignoring entreaties from Captain Hook (who had gone to umpire especially for this eventuality) and declined to “retire hurt”.  He informed us he was going to hit out.

And hit out he did, with one towering blow clearing the rope at deep mid-wicket.  We have come to regard Noodler's big hitting as commonplace but a maximum from Smee is to be cherished.  I am sure we will hear about it all next year. Unburdened by the need to hold together a faltering upper order, Smee played with a seldom seen freedom and we cruised past the target with 12 overs to spare and Smee on 45 not out.  Prince Charming contributed one four of his own before slapping his thigh and returning to the dressing rooms unbeaten.

Thus it was a comfortable 6 wicket win to end the league season.  It was a season that held much promise but eventually left us feeling somewhat frustrated.  Still there is always next year.  Until then, it’s good night to children, and cricketers, everywhere.  Sleep tight.

Peter Pan, the Cricket Years “starred”:

Smee – Gabriel Fox

Peter Pan – David Scotcher

Mr Darling – Johnny Boatfield

Michael Darling – Oscar Boatfield

Gentleman Starkey – Richard Allison

Noodler – Safwan Akram

Slightly – Adam Wright

Tootles – Billy Haynes

Nibs – Bobby Elmes

Prince Charming – Dan Garson

Wendy - Allison Kaye

Tinkerbell - herself

and

Captain Hook / Cross Batted Slog to Cow Corner – Rob Kaye

Plucky Coton secure Silver Medal

While most of the populace were distracted by some event or other happening in London (*) a plucky Coton team secured a Silver Medal by virtue of being runners up to League Champions Elect Sawston IV.  There was an anxious wait after the match as the judges reviewed video footage surreptitiously shot from the trees.  Would we be demoted to Bronze on the grounds of “it would really wind us up”?  After consideration we got the verdict: “Coton will be allowed to keep the Silver medal as there were only two teams involved”.

It was a warm, sunny day (I haven’t been able to say that very often this year).  The pitch was looking good thanks to the volunteer grounds men although the outfield grass was long.  We lost Bobby Elmes a couple of times amid the verdant pastures and perhaps more worrying also mislaid Dave Scotcher for a while.  Only 10 players took the field as Dave Simmons had to pull out.  Dave: we hope Tilly is feeling better.   Dave did provide the teas which was one less thing to worry about.  Some frantic calling around friends and acquaintances checking to see if people were home and waylaying innocent bypassers on The Footpath failed to yield a replacement.  Really, if the Olympics and holidays are more important than a Junior 5B cricket game, what is the world coming to?  The Bradbury family holiday alone deprived us of three first team players and Paul.

We bowled first.  Earlier in the season at Sawston, we lost narrowly in a low scoring game.  In the away fixture they had neglected to tell us that they had switched from their second pitch in Stapleford to the main ground in Sawston.  I tried to tell them that this game was in fact in Madingley but they didn’t fall for it and turned up anyway.  In this match – with two very similar teams – a lot more runs were scored and we ended up 26 runs short of the opposition (186-6 plays 160-9 with one man absent). 

Ullasa (India, cycling) and Neil (GB, rowing) opened the bowling.  Neil was on a hat trick that he had started in June.  We have only played two games since then.  He didn’t get it.  Ullasa took the first two wickets both clean bowled and we were on our way.  At this stage UIlasa was swinging the ball extravagantly. Neil gave way to Scotch (GB, weightlifting) and he quickly made it three.  Sawston were making steady progress but the game was tight.  We were unfortunately not helping our cause with frequent wides (28 in total) and many more that could and probably should have been called.  In all we gave up over 50 extras and that generosity was probably the difference between the teams more so than being one man short.  Having an actual wicket keeper as opposed to Rob (GB, equestrian, as in he is a donkey) would help as well.

Dan (GB, decathlon) and Matt (GB, shot put) also tried their luck with the ball but the score kept creeping up.  The ball was in the air more often than a Russian gymnast but obstinately dropped into gaps between the fielders (almost exactly where the 11^th person would have been, every time).  Even the ones that were out – a probable edge to the “keeper”, a stumping and numerous shouts for LBW weren’t going our way.  Eventually Scotch got an LBW with his two hundredth appeal of the innings.  He soon followed up with a third wicket courtesy of a stinning swooping catch by Dan at backward square.  Dan, who had beaten the bat repeatedly and found more edges than a 12-pack of Gillette blades, got his reward when the Sawston top scorer edged to the keeper.  It went through the gloves onto the chest and back into the gloves.  I still have the bruises to prove it.

The last 10 overs yielded 60 runs taking Sawston to a final total of 186-6.  Scotch with 3-21 was the pick of the bowlers but despite the score we really didn’t bowl badly.  It was a good pitch and we thought we were still in the game if we could make a good start.

Richard (GB, bird watching) and Dan opened and made a steady start until Dan edged to the keeper.  Richard was playing a “Lego” innings: full of blocks.  He was joined by Safwan (Pakistan, Hockey).  Safwan wears a Boom Boom shirt, sports a beard and shares initials with another Pakistani cricketer by the name of Shahid Afridi.  He is somewhat similar in batting style as well and was soon leathering the ball to all parts.  He twice tried to kill his captain (who was umpiring) first with a fizzing straight drive and then a clip through square leg.

Richard was next go and Matt wasn’t much longer being the first LBW victim to one of Sawston’s spinners.  These bowlers always look so easy to hit from the sidelines but I am assured by people that actually know how to bat that they are more difficult to play than they look.

Ullasa was next in to bat and we were treated to a display of ferocious hitting from both ends once he had played and missed (the by now traditional) 17 times.  Runs flowed and from an unpromising 50-3 were making rapid progress towards the target.  Safwan – having reached his 50 on the previous ball – was then LBW to the same spinner.  We hadn’t applauded the 50 as the scorer had miscounted and we thought he was only on 48...

Bobby Elmes (GB, coxswain for the 8s) played some nice shots but Andy (GB, rhythmic gymnastics) didn’t.  Both scored 2 in their own unique styles.  Neil pinged one classy boundary before getting himself out in the most bizarre fashion.  Stepping back to cut the second Sawston spinner he only managed to destroy his own stumps with his bat breaking a bail in the process.   We were 121-7 and not looking to good with only two wickets to fall.

The skipper came to the wicket.  There then followed a controversial incident.  Having played and missed the keeper took the ball and it started its way back around the field for the next ball.  Ullasa came down to the strikers end to relay a message without checking with the umpire as the ball came to the bowler.  Looking up, seeing Ullasa and thinking a run was in progress Rob nobly stepped out his crease so as to cross and be the one run out thus saving the man in form.  There was a debate as to what should happen.  Law 23.1 of cricket says: “The ball becomes dead when it is finally settled in the hands of the wicket-keeper or of the bowler”.  Applying common sense and the spirit of the game (not to mention the law), Rob was recalled.

Ullasa was then out, like Safwan having just passed his 50.  In Ullasa’s case this was his first for the club in maybe his last innings as he has now left for India and marriage.  Good luck, Ullasa!

Scotch joined his captain.  Having got us to 160 he tried to pull a straight one and we came up 26 runs short.

So, that ends our chances of being in the top 2 in this rain ravaged summer.  There is one more game to go against winless Bassingbourn.  Let’s go out with a bang.

In The Plough afterward we had a brief medal ceremony.  Ullasa was presented a cap to wear on his wedding night.  Other awards as follows:

• Bowling: Gold – Scotch, Silver – Ullasa, Bronze – Dan.

• Batting: Gold – Ullasa (on countback, 3 sixes), Silver – Safwan (1 six), Bronze – Richard.

• Fielding: Gold – Dan, Silver – Matt, Bronze – Bobby.

• Wicket Keeping – Alastair (despite not playing).

• Lateness (giving skipper heart attack): Gold – Safwan, Silver – Ullasa, Bronze - Richard

• Pitch prep: Gold (with extra shiny bits) to all those who got a very good track together.

(*) the Great British Beer Festival

Coton 666 squadron – mission to Thriplow III

July 28^th, 2012.  The skies finally cleared over South Cambridgeshire and the Coton squadron were able to undertake a raid on Thriplow.  It has been over a month since our last mission.  Early intelligence from our pathfinders had indicated that the enemy had relocated to the adjacent village of Fowlmere and we made the appropriate adjustments to our flight plans.  Leading the mission was Group Captain: Rob Kaye, CDM (*) and bar.  Group Captain Kaye arrived on his one-man self powered stealth vehicle (a bike) to scout the territory: pitch – good; surrounds - no immediate danger.   

The squadron started to assemble over the target but worryingly there was no sign of Pilot Office (Navigator) Matt Chandler.  It is at moments like this that the self doubt kicks in.  He had said he was available, hadn’t he?   Text messages and increasingly plaintive calls were answered.  Would we be one officer light for the mission?

The toss was won and breaking with tradition we decided to bat first.  There was method to the madness.  At Coton we had beaten this team by nine wickets.   Batting first we should get more people a bat, set up a big total and then bowl them out for the win: nice theory, would it work?

We started with Flying Officers Dave Simmons and Richard Allison were first into the fray.  There was little immediate danger.  The opposition fire was accurate but not threatening and both crews were able to dispatch the ball to the boundary.   The opening partnership was approaching 50 after a dozen or so overs.  Officer Simmons was scoring the bulk of these runs while Office Allison adopted the role that would have been the bailiwick of Flight Lieutenant Fox (missing in inaction) and played a Lego innings (full of blocks).  In the background the kestrels swooped and clouds scudded by.  Perfect flying weather.

 Officer Simmons was first to depart, shot down in action after providing us with a sound start.  Flying Officer (Nose Gunner) Akram was next into the firing line.  Thriplow were convinced that they had him for a duck with an edge behind.  But Officer Akram was unmoved, more importantly, so was the umpire.  It was a pivotal moment.  The ball was soon flying off Safwan’s bat with a sound like gunshots and the field retreated to the boundary.  

After a brief but entertaining flurry of boundaries (no sixes this week) Officer Akram was dismissed and replaced by Cadet Bradbury (A).  Along with Officer Allison the score kept climbing but the run rate slowed down.   Both batsmen were bowled bringing Wing Commander Garson and Cadet Elmes to the wicket.   Cadet Elmes had one of his least successful innings but Dan was looking in great form.  Accompanied first by Bombadier Kodandaramaiah and then the Group Captain himself he was racking up the runs with series of cracking shots and some good running.  It still felt that we were not quite up to the par score.  This changed with the arrival of Flying Officer (Navigator) Chandler.   The latter had had problems finding the ground.  Perhaps he had heard that The Group Captain was planning to ask him to open the batting and had been lurking around the corner just long enough to avoid that honour.  He denies it.   

Garson & Chandler put on fifty unbeaten runs for the eighth wicket bringing our final score up to a creditable 180-7.  Not unbeatable, but a very challenging target.

After tiffin, we started the attack with Officers Kodandaramaiah and Chandler.   With 180 to defend we could afford to be a little defensive and played with a couple of boundary riders from the start.  This tactic worked well with Officers Garson, Simmons and Allison saving many runs on the boundary.   The rest of the fielding was sharp for the most part.  We won’t mention some of Ullasa and Safwan’s less worthy efforts – and the runs restricted.  As the pressure built the wickets fell.  Two to Matt before he made way for Wing Commander Garson, and eventually four (4-17)  for Ullasa who was fast and threatening throughout.   Matt has been a little unfortunate with his wicket haul this season and fully deserved his successes.  This was despite him trying a Barnes Wallis style double bouncer that almost yorked the surprised batsman on the second bounce.  The other was a fine catch by Cadet Bradbury, once again proving the value of having close fielders that still have reflexes that reflex.

Dan also bagged a couple.  He was fired up after a couple of quick bouncers were missed by batsman, keeper and fine leg and bowling quicker and quicker.  The ball that clipped – and broke – the bails to take his second wicket was one of the fastest that I have seen in this league.  

With Thriplow struggling at around 50-8 there was little danger of them passing our total so the Group Captain was faced with a dilemma.  Should he keep the foot on the throat and go for the kill, or mix it up a little?  He went for the latter, giving Cadet Elmes his first bowl in the league and Cadet Bradbury a chance to bowl his leg spin.   

The third ball from Bobby was launched high into the air on the leg side but not very far.  Dan positioned himself under the ball and had time to carefully consider the consequences of missing the catch.  He didn’t and Bobby had his first wicket in the league.  At the other end Adam bowled four overs for just one run as he found length, line and considerable turn but it was the evergreen Officer Scotcher that brought the game to an end when he bowled the last man.

Thriplow were all out for 75, 105 short of the target.  The result took us above Whittlesford and into 3^rd place in the league behind Sawston (still unbeaten) and Newton.  A win against Newton next weekend could take us into a promotion spot.  Tally ho!  

(*) CDM: Cadbury’s Dairy Milk.