Nice Jugs, Beardy!

I like playing against Girton. Not only do we always seem to beat them (four matches, four wins in the last three years) but they are a friendly bunch of individuals with whom we can have some good banter. I should also mention the scones with cream and jam that were provided with the teas. Rupert Brooke may have been moved to write a poem about it. On Saturday last we should give them a special mention for agreeing to play on after a severe rainstorm had left their pitch looking more suitable for ducks than cricketers. We needed the result but they didn’t. So their flexibility and willingness to play under some very poor conditions was much appreciated.

There were a few ducks as well: for once they all came from the opposition.

Girton batted first in – what was at 1:30pm – reasonable weather but we always had one eye on the storm clouds gathering behind the church. The story of the Girton innings is really that of the juggernaut that is Dave Scotcher. Newly bewhiskered, Dave went straight for the jugular, jugged the Girton middle order and it was only through some jugulation from their last pair that the hosts were able to post something of a challenging total.

Ross had returned from his extended vacation to take up the reigns again (or should that be “rains”?) much to the relief of Gabriel. Other than an absent Alastair (possibly doing some moonlighting with a travelling circus) we had a pretty strong side out. Milan was back, although only as a batsman, however Ross had a variety of different options for the bowling at his disposal so this wasn’t an issue.

We started with Matt Chandler who produced an opening over straight from the Neil Sparnon book of coaching (if its far enough away from the batsman, he can’t hit it).

Scotch came in from the football ground end and soon found his groove. In the last week he has managed to cover the last few centimetres of hair-free skin he had available with a fine looking beard. The additional wind resistance didn’t seem to upset his rhythm.

For the second week running he actually had a catch held off his bowling: two in fact, once by Matt and the other by Milan. Dave still didn’t trust the fielders though and proceeded to hit the stumps (which looked like new, virgin Readers) on no less than five occasions. Three of those were off successive deliveries, each pitched outside off stump & cutting back. Three times the Girton batsmen prodded forward and were bowled through the gate. Dave was ecstatic at his first ever hat trick. I just wish he had shaved because man, those bristles were prickly. Girton 56-7: Dave had 6 wickets at this point, Ross the other. Ross had had more than one plumb LBW decision rejected by the umpire so it was something of a surprise when one was upheld as it was perhaps the least blatant of the ones that we asked for.

It was after the third dismissal of Dave’s hat trick whilst we were waiting for another Girtonian to hastily pad up when the rains started to fall.

It was a heavy downpour and although it was quickly passed there was standing water on the adjacent strips and in the rather large trenches the batsman had left when taking guard.

We agreed to an early tea with a view to resuming after about an hour. It was during this passage of play that Coton wrote their way into the Wisden records for consuming the most cakes during the course of an over both collectively, and individually (Soctch).

Several team members sacrificed their towels in the mop up operation and we were able to resume albeit with very muddy and slippery creases. Dave continued and soon took a 7^th wicket. Ross resorted to bowling around the wicket which led to several close calls it the slips for Richard before the former rearranged the stumps for a 9^th wicket.

Adam Bradbury took over from Dave who had completed a fine spell of 7-17 in his 10 overs. The best Coton performance since Chris Cooke’s amazing 10-for in 2008. With the last men at the crease Adam surely expected a shorter spell. In the end he bowled 7 overs for 11 runs, turning the ball a lot which repeatedly flummoxed the Girton batsmen as well as the Coton “wicket keeper” who missed two, possibly three stumpings off his bowling that could have ended the innings sooner.

At the other end Ulassa took over from Ross and despite concerns that he would have trouble keeping his footing managed to do so for five overs. He bowled off a shortened run with – at least to the keeper – no discernable loss of pace and was unlucky not to have claimed a wicket when Adam eventually got the final wicket courtesy of catch from the skipper running back from slip. Girton 97 all out: possibly 30 more than they should have got.

With one eye on the weather, Dave Simmons and Milan opened the batting. Milan was elegant, Dave belligerent: both were effective. They soon hit one of the Girton bowlers out of the attack. One cover drive from Milan was played with such effortless grace that it was applauded by the umpire (possibly not in the spirit of the game) who was able to surreptitiously turn the gesture into the signal for four runs.

Runs came quickly as we tried to get home before the rains returned. There were a few drops in the air (rain, not catches) but nothing serious enough to take the players. The mud around where the batsmen stood and from where the bowlers delivered was drying at last making both tasks a little easier.

Dave and Milan both perished after making valuable knocks, thirty for Dave, twenty for Milan. They fell to the same – occasional bowler – who was pinging it down quite quickly off about three paces. He deserved the wickets having beaten the bats several times and having repeated LBW appeals turned down as he was moving the ball in too much.

Richard and Gabriel replaced the two outgoing batsmen. After a few alarms Richard got going and for a while it looked like he would knock the remaining runs before Gabriel got off the park. In fact Rob was walking around the pavilion trying to get team mates to take a bet on such an occurrence. It was then that Gabriel was replaced by his identical twin brother. (That is, the twin brother that comes to nets and smashes the bowlers to all points of the compass as opposed to the one that prods and pokes around for one run in twenty overs and features in DVDs for curing insomnia).

Watched by a growing crowd (Richard’s brother & wife, Jenny, members of the Girton 1^st XI) Gabriel reeled off some fine drives and pulls and with the last shot of the game caught up with Richard so they both ended on eighteen not out. We passed the winning target with fifteen overs to spare.

In retrospect I don’t know if it was the risk of rain or the lure of Scotch buying two jugs (one for the five-for, one for the hat trick) that induced them to score the runs quickly. After a false start to the social club we headed for the Old George where it was nice enough to sit outside. The barmaid only had one jug (ooh, err, missus) but it was amply filled with Oakham Bishop’s Farewell (the lager boys had to suffer pints instead) as day became evening and we chatted to our friendly hosts.

The next morning I looked anxiously for the other results on the CCA website. Steeple Morden 240-3, Longstowe 90 all out (so far so good), but wait, Longstowe WIN? Steeple had transgressed a CCA rule that says you can’t declare an innings in the J-league, and they declared theirs closed after 38 overs. The match was therefore awarded to Longstowe putting them 18 points above us in the league with one match to play (I think we would have been level with them on points had the result stood). It hardly seems fair that we are – effectively, although not 100% certain – being relegated because the league leaders are being punished in this way (it doesn’t actually impact Steeple, they are so far ahead that they are champions irrespective of this match or the one next weekend).

[As remembered by the anonymous correspondent after recovering from Dave’s jugs.]

"Coton's Got Talent" (?!?!!!) or "Chips with Everything"

Another day, another defeat and we are dead last in the league. Back to back games against Longstowe – the previous incumbents of the basement – yielded two defeats. It would be disingenuous to point at first XI players in the second XI and make that the focus of the defeats. Over 153 overs of cricket neither team was able to bowl the other out and Longstowe scored faster off our bowling than we did off theirs so they deservedly won.

The match was played on a distinctly oval ground (long square of the wicket but short straight). At one end it was bounded by horses in the fields and the 15^th Century St. Mary’s Church. A tree stood inside the boundary (automatic 4 if hit) and real sightscreens (also inside the boundary). Overall, there was a distinctly bucolic feel to proceedings.

The Coton Supporters Club (Neil) had turned up to read The Times and occasionally make sage judgements on the cricket. We batted first in variable weather conditions: someone must have been watching the match as the rain was only turned on for a brief period during the tea interval.

Gabriel stopped trying to do his hybrid Yorkshire/Pakistani/South African commentator impression long enough to open the batting with Dave Simmons (much to the relief the rest of the team). Progress didn’t quite reach the level of being serene but it was still a surprise when Dave was bowled after hitting several sumptuous shots. We can’t remember if Gabriel was off the mark at this point, but he had made a solid 2 by the time the 2^nd wicket went down with 31 runs on the board in the 10^th over.

Alastair was now at the crease with Richard with Sasha making mournful whimpering noises outside the pavilion. Richard also went cheaply bringing in the younger member of Bradward (like Jedward, but without the hair gel). Alastair’s stealth call for a quick single took Adam Bradward unawares and the latter was run out without scoring (an innings Bradward senior would have been proud of). It has to be said that Adam was remarkably calm on returning to the dressing room having been run out, something senior members of the side (yes, you, Rob) would do well to note.

Bradward Senior replaced Junior and for perhaps the first time showed that his Christmas present from Helen (cricket lessons) might have been money well spent. Alastair departed at 80, just before the drinks break and it looked distinctly unpromising with 5 wickets down at the mid way stage of the innings.

Dan Garson strode into the arena (or something equally dramatic) and with Bradward senior occupied the crease for the next 20 overs. Together they put on 99 for the 6^th wicket, only being parted on the last ball of the innings when Paul half heartedly tried to take a run off a ball that went through to the wicketkeeper. We tried to convince the opposition that the umpires had already called “over” and removed the bails for the tea interval but they weren’t falling for it (our umpires were a bit slow on the uptake though). We also tried the “spirit of the game” approach but this received a short rebuttal from Longstowe.

Prior to this, Dan and Paul had played untroubled for 20 overs with Dan reaching an unbeaten 52 and Paul 36. Paul’s innings included 3 boundaries: he's obviously been getting some coaching tips from his son(s). This had led to an animated discussion on the sidelines as to whether he had hit a boundary before. (Paul, you may want to defend your besmirched character at this point).

Scotch, Rob, Matt and Ulassa muttered something about reversing the batting order but no-one was paying attention.

179 seemed like a defendable total but after tea Longstowe got off to a flyer against Ulassa and Matt. Gabriel ran through his repertoire of bowlers looking for a breakthrough and it was Scotch that responded by removing both openers. The 2^nd wicket was down to fine catch by Dan diving forward at square leg. As Scotch has had well over two hundred catches put down off his bowling this season he was understandably elated to have one taken.

His reward was an immediate removal from the attack.

Dan had replaced Matt and put down 8 hostile overs but still the runs accumulated. Dan took a 3^rd wicket courtesy of some fine juggling by Alastair behind the stumps. When added to his unicycle riding and dog show the latter could have a fine career with Billy Smart’s Circus should he decide to hang up the gloves.

At this stage it was 77-3 and another breakthrough could have seen us back in the game. It wasn’t to be. Rob, Richard & Adam all tried their luck at getting that elusive 4^th wicket as did Ulassa and Matt in 2^nd spells. Alas it wasn’t to be.

There was plenty of playing and missing and more than one ball dropped agonisingly away from the field. Dan was particularly unlucky with edges falling between slip and short third man. Rob – having explained the no ball rule to the Longstowe umpire – suffered an over where he beat the bat four times only to be smashed for a boundary off the last ball.

Neil meanwhile decided that walking Alastair’s dogs was more interesting than watching the cricket.

In the end Longstowe passed our total with three wickets down and seven overs to spare to achieve a comfortable victory. That leaves two games (Girton & Cambourne) in which to get off the miserable three win mark.

It just remains to comment on the friendly pub that we visited afterwards where were provided with FREE CHIPS to accompany the beers. This was enough of an enticement to keep us there for a second pint instead of going back to The Plough.

And finally, the results of Coton’s Got Talent for 20^th August:

1^st: Dan Garson for his maiden 50, excellent fielding (including that catch) and bowling.

2^nd: Bradward Senior for showing that his batting does have boundaries and a dramtic role reveral with Bradward Junior.

The rest of the team were voted off by the panel of judges (aka Neil, Sasha & Shadow).

[As hacked from Gabriel’s mobile phone on Monday morning.]

Tails wag, Mark Celebrates, Coton lose (well, no surprise then)

Ah Cambourne, that jewel in the crown of England’s historic towns, that paradise on earth. We played cricket there on Saturday. To be fair, the planners have made an attempt at creating a village green and who knows, in 100 years time it may actually resemble one. For now it was a desolate prairie amidst the new built to spec mass housing.

We welcomed back Mark “Mad Mod” Carrington to the team along with the 2^nd father/son combo to represent the team this year in Paul and Adam Bradbury. Bradbury minimus (Ollie) was on alert as The Late Safwan Akram was once again missing at the start of the game.

Like us, Cambourne II’s team consisted of a mixture of callow youth and grizzled veterans. The difference was their youth wasn’t quite as callow and their veterans not so grizzled. They also had a couple of players that weren’t youths or veterans in other words, in their prime playing days. That’s an option we should try that some time.

We batted first. After a dozen overs half the team were back in the pavilion. Dave Simmons was the first, firmly clipping an innocuous ball into the hands of short mid wicket: 0-1. After one glorious 4, Richard dangled his willow outside off stump (7-2) and Rads came and went without disturbing scorers or umpires (other than to replace the bails): 7-3. Paul and Gabriel both feathered catches to the keeper and we were 21-5. It was beginning to look like one of the capitulations that we used to suffer a few seasons ago.

The Mad Mod removed the icepack from his knee and struggled out to the middle to join Adam Bradbury who was unmoved by the carnage at the other end. We then started the fight back. Quick running, some big hits (including one towering six from Mark) and the chatter in the field died away. Mark’s calling was entertaining and definitely non-textbook. “yes, no, no, NO, sorry!!” was one of the clearer calls.

Together they put on over 40 runs for the 6^th wicket, saw us well past the drinks break and we started to look like we could make something for the bowlers to defend. Eventually Mark was dismissed. By now the Late Safwan had arrived and he carried on the fight back with Adam. Adam had taken a particular pleasure in winding up the Cambourne skipper who insisted in bowling too short from too long a run up. Adam disdainfully pulled these short balls down to long leg with a very calm demeanour.

Safwan cracked four fours and the pair put on 30 for the 7^th wicket, we were now at a much more promising 91-7.

Rob came in. Adam – 40 years his junior – talked his senior partner through what needed to happen in the final overs. It is really encouraging to see how much our juniors think about the game as opposed to just playing it. It is also encouraging to see cricket talent in the Bradbury family. A further 20 runs were added to for the 8^th wicket and we had reached Nelson (111) when Adam finally lost patience and chipped up a catch. 30 runs patiently spread over 86 well played deliveries: top score and the basis for giving us a fighting chance: well played, young man.

Matt Chandler also departed on the dreaded Nelson and it was left to Rob & Dave to get the 3^rd bonus point and take us almost to the 40^th over and a final total of 124. This was probably 80 more than we – and Cambourne – had thought after the depths of 21-5.at

With Bradders senior in the team, Rob gratefully moved out from behind the stumps (his says that his eye is much better, thanks) and opened the bowling with Matt Chandler. Runs came quickly despite two early wickets (one apiece for Matt and Rob) and the 50 was up in no time at all.

Once again the adage that “catches win matches” was trotted out. In Rob’s four overs there were two actual drops, several balls that narrowly missed fielders or fell between them and an appeal for a caught behind that was called as a wide. Rob was not amused, but less not amused than Dave “Triple F” Scotcher when another chance went begging off is bowling later on.

Gabriel called the changes (he had these planned out on a crib sheet that had who would bowl each over as a Gantt chart). Scotch replaced Matt and Richard replaced Rob. The scoring rate was reined in somewhat and Scotch took a third wicket.

Richard wasn’t able to reproduce the control from previous weeks and in turn gave way to Matt who took a 2^nd wicket. Cambourne were getting close to the target however and Gabriel looked around his team to see who could possibly turn the match for us. By now Gabriel was way beyond the bowling master plan that stayed in his pocket.

Perhaps he was busy thinking about the answer but when the ball came in the air to him at mid-off the catch went begging. Scotch – the unlucky bowler – now dropped his triple F bomb and proceeded to do a dance of frustration on the pitch.

The answer that Gabriel came up with to the bowling dilemma was The Mad Mod. Mark ran up, delivered the ball to the Cambourne #3 (who had reached an untroubled 48) and promptly bowled him first ball.

Mark then set off on the longest and craziest celebration in cricket history, at least since the last time he took a wicket (or a catch). It took us 20 minutes (slight exaggeration) to catch him and convince him to bowl a 2^nd ball. Mark’s first over yielded just a solitary wide, but alas it was to be his only over as Scotch promptly haemorrhaged the winning runs.

So we had a defeat by 5 wickets. It was a lot closer than it had any right to be from 21-5 and once again the Coton tactic of reversing the batting order (Adam was #6 so the fulcrum of the innings whichever way you look at it) had – for a while – confused the opposition and offered a glimpse of a win. We do however fall back into the bottom 2 and the next two games – against Longstowe, home and away – become ever more crucial.

[As retold to your match reporter by anonymous sources at The Plough.]

Lightning Strikes, not once but twice

A decidedly un-Coton like Saturday witnessed the visit of Hardwick and Caldecote 2nds to the Coton Rec. For the first time this season there was no rain – or threat of rain – to interfere with our Saturday afternoon enjoyment. Earlier in the season, H & C had run up over 300 against us for the loss of a mere 3 wickets. Surely it couldn’t happen again? Well it didn’t – just.

Going against years of Coton tradition Ross had prepared a belter of a wicket. If we don’t start taking more wickets on it soon we may need to lose the keys to the new motorised roller that members of the club so much work into funding.

There was a debut for Bobby Elmes, another of the seemingly endless production line of talented 13 year-olds coming through from the Coton Academy. There was also a first game for Mark Lincoln who is, to be kind, just a little past his teenage years. As with the game at Hardwick we fielded first. Matt opened from the top end and got quite a bit of deviation through the air in both directions (the ball swung both ways as well).

Scotch opened from the footpath end and soon made the first breakthrough trapping the opener leg before (who says we never get decisions?). Getting him out may, on reflection, have been a mistake as his replacement scored freely from the start. He was soon peppering the boundary and brought one old lady scurrying from her cottage across the footpath. She probably thought it was World War 2 starting up again and was heading for the bomb shelter before realising it was in fact just raining cricket balls around her house.

The rampant batsman brought up his 50 with a 6 off Scotch who was not amused.

Richard & Ross replaced the opening bowlers. There were plenty of aerial shots but they contrived to evade the fielders (too be fair, they often evaded the fielders by going well over the boundary).

Ross juggled the bowling to try to keep the batsmen from getting into a rhythm but it seemed to have little effect as they continued to pile on the runs. Matt swapped ends and tried his luck from the Footpath End however his only victim was Rob behind the stumps. A particularly wayward leg side beamer hit one of the rabbit holes that now surround the wicket and reared up into the unlucky keeper’s face drawing blood (considerably less than Mr Simmons had given in the cause however). After a few minutes to ascertain Rob’s fitness to continue the game continued.

Ross eventually made a breakthrough by removing Hardwick’s #3 with a caught and bowled. This only served to bring in the batsman who had made 100 against us in the away fixture and it was business as usual with more boundaries and more aerial shots.

The Hardwick opener brought up his century with another towering 6 off Scotch who was not seeing the funny side of this at all. Both Ross and Matt went for over 70 in their 10 overs. Richard and Ross were more economical but Rob McQuorquodale’s solitary over yielded 13 runs.

Ross eventually removed the opener for 121 courtesy of a fine catch by Matt at short 3^rd man (he had early shelled a much simpler one at the same position). That was the end of the wickets as Hardwick racked up 256-3 in their 40 overs. This might be regarded as a slight improvement after we conceded over 300 against them earlier in the season, again for 3 wickets.

After a fine tea – thanks, Matt – we batted. And again, the innings had many echoes of the earlier encounter. There was a 50 from Ross, as there was at Hardwick, and 30s from Rob M and Dave Hale. We passed 140 with only 4 wickets down as we had at their place before subsiding to virtually same all out score (199 vs 202) in almost exactly the same number of balls (2 different). Spooky.
We got off to a flying start thanks to some free swinging by Safwan Akram. Richard was the first to depart with Safwan soon after. It was looking like a short afternoon in prospect.

Dave Hale and Rob M had other ideas. Rob accumulated steadily (a very foxy innings) while Dave flayed the bowling to all parts. It was looking very good and came a quite a surprise when Dave missed a straight one.

This brought Ross in and he took over where Dave had left off continuing the assault on the bowling and the cottages across the footpath. The bowlers were losing their patience and the fielding getting ragged. It was only slightly surprising that Rob K could accurately predict a head high beamer from the opening bowler. (If this was a Loony Tunes cartoon the bowler would have turned into a raging, steaming bull in his run-up). Ross completed his 4^th half century of the season (2 of which have come against Hardwick) before being undone by one of the few (perhaps the only) deliveries that kept a bit low.

From there on in it was a bit of a progression. Bobby Elmes looked as accomplished as the other juniors that have stepped up this year: credit to the Saturday morning coaching. He had difficulty penetrating the field and was eventually bowled by one of Hardwick’s two 13 year old spin bowlers (spin must be very sexy these days with the number of youngsters taking it up and doing well).

A very tired looking Rob McQ was departed for a solid 30 and Mark Lincoln’s debut lasted 2 balls. The first went for 4, the second was dragged on to the stumps from way outside leg stump. Still that was one ball more than Rob K who, having swept the first delivery, went for a suicide 2^nd run on the basis that (a) the fielder would throw it in wildly (he didn’t - for the first time during the match it was accurate) and (b) the keeper would fumble (he didn’t – again for probably the first time).

Even that innings was longer than Scotch’s who came in at the non striker’s end and watched Andy lob the next ball to a fielder.

So we lost by 57 runs. It seems that Hardwick like our bowling as for the 2^nd time this year they racked up a big score whilst only losing 3 wickets. It wasn’t that the bowling was that bad, or as least it didn’t seem that way from my vantage point behind the stumps. We are back in the relegation spots but 4 of the remaining 5 games are against either the team below us or immediately above.

Next week it’s a return to Cambourne. 3 years ago we beat their 1^st XI without losing a wicket (the only game they lost all season) on Saturday it’s their 2^nd XI…

Cue tumbleweeds and The Good, The Bad & The Ugly theme.