Another wet Saturday in Coton: it must be cricket season (I can just cut and paste this from previous reports).
After a little bit of panic on the Friday the weather did actually help out with a drying wind and Neil (with help from Billy, Scotch and Rob) was able to prepare a belter of a wicket. In a season where wins have been hard to come by the improvement in the Coton wicket has been a source of some satisfaction so thanks to everyone who put the time in: you know who you are!
With George missing, Rob became tosser-in-chief for the day. Scotch was back after ditching us for some roller coasters the previous weekend. One Haynes was replaced by the other, Rabboni was back after missing several games as was Rob McCorquodale and Dennis Finn made a 2nd appearance.
Someone will need to explain to me: how come Andy East has a spare pare of whites that fit Dennis? It must be said that Andy has a kit bag somewhat larger than the team’s kit bag so perhaps he has an assortment of sizes just in case?
There was a last minute panic when Courtney called off. Billy was quickly on the phone to Adam and with some subtle (and not too subtle) encouragement the latter agreed to play. Neil leaped into his car and dashed off to collect our XIth man, the latter changing into his whites in the car on the way back. Just what the police would have made of the scene if they had pulled Neil over whilst Adam was in mid-change we can only imagine. CWO Fox: have a word, please!
[We later found out that both Andy and I had the wrong mobile #s for Adam. So some very confused person has been getting messages if they were available on Saturday but for some strange reason never answered. This lead to much debate about services available on mobile phones, especially in Germany.]
The match progressed through its usual phases, the stand in tosser having won the toss and put Balsham in:
• Fielding & Bowling (including some raining)
• Eating
• Batting
• Cleaning
• Chuntering
With Neil still en route ferrying Adam we started with Billy and Rob. Billy was bowling some beautiful stuff interspersed with head high beamers at a batsman we later found out was legally blind. Rob carried on from where he had left off the previous week and bowled 5 economical overs without getting any luck. Billy struck first, helped out by a good running catch by Rob “I’m not typing his whole name again as its too long” McC. Neil had arrived back with Adam and a very relieved Simmons Junior was allowed to leave the playing area.
Ringing the bowling changes brought wickets. Dave “other big guy” Scotcher replaced Rob, and Neil took over from Billy. Neil proceeded in the Coton tradition of bowling body line short pitched deliveries at 4 year olds and vehemently disputing wides (in his defence, some of the so called wides were passing over the top of the stumps or brushing the batsman’s body). Dave continued his traditions of taking wickets, not conceding runs and diving in instalments.
I pause here to mention that Dave only came 4th in the slo-mo diving competition this week. There are honourable mentions for long-name Rob and Andy but the winner was short-name Rob who rather than taking two steps to the left to stop the ball, went to ground early, made a daisy chain and then had to shuffle forward as the ball may well not have reached him.
Dave bowled the first of the Balsham Juniors and then the other opener. On each occasion they could well have been LBW first but Dave wasn’t taking any chances (just as well, no LBWs were being given) and hit the stumps for good measure.
Neil produced two cracking yorkers to rearrange the stumps along with a sharp parry and catch from Gabriel at midwicket. Dave took two more wickets and Balsham were 76-8 and things were looking good. Scotch’s final figures 10 overs 5 maidens 10 runs 4 wickets – brilliant work.
76-8 became 156-8 and we did not feel any better that Balsham told us later that they had reversed the order to give the kids a chance as their season was more or less over since they were effectively relegated.
Dave Simmons made the teas and very fine they were to with plenty of cakes to give us our sugar boost. The teas were in fact almost as good as his wicket keeping, Dave having stepped into the breach left by a holidaying Alastair: our 2nd good stand in keeping performance in successive weeks.
And then we batted.
Gabriel and Dave got us off to now regulation slow and steady start but both perished in the 15th over looking to move the score along. Adam and Dennis took over (great fielding by the way, Dennis) and got us moving. Dennis was only able to connect with a couple of lusty blows before being bowled and was replaced by Rob “I’m not typing his whole name again as its too long” McC who produced his highest score for Coton.
Some classy looking shots from Adam propelled us forward (top score – 37, 5 fours) and kept us in the chase before he eventually succumbed to the 3rd change bowler. At 117-4 with around 8 overs left to get 40 runs we were looking good.
One over later it was 117-7. Billy Haynes had helped Rob “I’m still not typing his whole name again as its too long” McC put on 20 for the 5th wicket before becoming the first of 3 Coton players to succumb to Ford’s off cutters during the course of one over. Andy went first ball and although Rabboni survived the hat trick he didn’t last the over.
Tosser Rob joined “no way am I typing his whole name again as its too long” Rob but unfortunately the latter was to pick up a hamstring strain. Rabboni came on as a runner. The opposition were incredibly generous in letting us have someone young and quick run for someone who is, well, less young and somewhat slower.
The Two Robbies decided to see if they could get them in boundaries anyway before Rob 1 decided to end the confusion of the runner by getting himself out leg before (35, including 6 fours). There were around 20 to get off the last 2 overs.
Rob-2 smashed a 4 through square leg (literally, the fielder got several fingers to the ball on its way to the boundary). Dave Scotcher went through the steps that Chris Cooke had patiently taught him in nets and played a forward defensive that was immaculate in all respects other than hitting the ball and he (re) joined the primary club. Last man Neil came to the crease. A couple of quick singles, some wides and one unnecessary dive later we got to the last over needing 15 to win.
A single for Neil was followed by a maximum from Rob who having carefully noted that the fielder on the mid wicket boundary was only 3’6” smacked it 10 yards past him. Going for a repeat off the next ball Rob was then bowled with us 8 short of parity.
We’d given it a go but in the end not quite there, again.
We are still above Balsham and Weston Colville who both have two games left. We could still avoid relegation but even then there are rumours of reorganisations that may mean more than 2 teams get relegated. At the end of the day in a season with only 3 wins (none at home) in a season we can have no complaints about being relegated.
And so we headed down to the Plough for the eseential final part of any cricket match: the chuntering. Several hours later we had re-engineered events to the extent that we were unlucky not to have been promoted: missing players, retired players, missed catches, LBWs given or not given, teams fielding 1st team players, etc., etc. Yes, we were hard done by (not).
Play Cricket!
Drink Beer!
Talk Bollocks!
See you at the AGM.
One Fling to Rule Them All
Another wet Saturday in Coton: it must be cricket season. This was a day that our artificial pitch saved the match, the regular square being unplayable after all the recent rains. We welcomed NCI IVths to the Recreation Ground for our penultimate game of the season.
Expecting a cancellation Scotch had chosen to remain in Windsor. Rob had been intercepted en route to Millwall which turned out to be a blessing in disguise and there was a last minute scramble to get a full team. Mitchell was drafted in to make up the XI and Sam took up the gloves in the continued absence of Alastair.
Tosser-in-chief George was unable to fool the NCI skipper who duly inserted us to bat under threatening skies. Gabriel and Dave Simmons opened and put on 43 (our largest opening stand of the year) playing through a shower against bowlers that had difficulty with their footing. One in particular did a 10 yard slide along the wicket to prove a point. It took a change of bowling to disrupt the serene process Dave had been having problems penetrating the field (ooh, er) and finally smashed a loose ball straight at someone who could catch. This brought George to the wicket.
Meanwhile, several members of the team scrambled around to get a tea organised, Dave having been confounded by the on/off will/wont we play nature of the morning. A last minute dash to the garden centre produced rolls, cheese and ham to accompany the left over cakes from the previous week.
George promptly smashed a couple of fours before mistiming a sweep and lobbing a catch over his shoulder to the wicket keeper. Next ball, Richard was a victim to the same combination. Perhaps he was distracted by the swallows flitting around the sky? Whatever, he feathered a sharply turning ball into the keepers gloves and we were suddenly three down.
Adam came in and along with Gabriel (yes, he’s still there) propelled us along towards the hundred before becoming the first of 3 wickets to fall on 97. The second of these was the unluckiest. The players having crossed on the fall of the wicket, Jack was at the non-striker’s end. Gabriel played the ball square on the leg side, the batsmen set off for a quick single only to be undone by a sharp throw and direct hit. 99 times out of 100 that would have been a safe run but Jack was run out without facing (does that make him eligible for the pre-primary club?).
Sam & Andy also perished without scoring and it was left to Mitchell and Gabriel to see out the innings. Gabriel ran himself out off the last ball going for a suicidal 2nd run but his job of holding the innings together had been executed to perfection: 37 runs off 125 balls had been done. It was a shame that the batsmen at the other didn’t – for the most part – respond and as so often happens in Coton games Mr Extras was the 2nd top scorer. 116-8 seemed about 20-30 runes short and so it was to prove.
By the time we fielded the weather had improved. One the plus side it meant that the bowlers weren’t doing a triple lutz on each delivery but on the minus the outfield was faster. Fast and slow was the order of the day with Neil from the Footpath end and Rob from the top end. In Rob’s first over the opening batsman was undone by a ball that moved a long way to clip off stump whilst aiming over mid wicket. Neil had a couple of straight LBW decisions denied and the NCI skipper put the ball through George’s hands at point before he had scored. Another breakthrough would have been deserved at this juncture but it wasn’t to be.
The NCI skipper and wicket keeper accumulated steadily from an array of bowlers: Adam, Jack, George and Dave all tried without luck whilst Rob took on the Scotcher mantle. That doesn’t mean the oldest, slowest bowler on the team (but he was that as well) but the most economical: 7 overs, 8 runs, 1 wicket. He had found a line and length that made scoring very difficult.
We finally got the breakthough when a returning Neil castled the second opener. NCI only needed 20 to win at this point. The wicket brought their number four to the crease, and resulted in one of the season’s champagne moments. Richard had now entered the attack. After two steady overs he started the next with a high full toss no ball that the NCI skipper smacked to square leg. In a quick piece of thinking, Jack declined to catch the ball realising it would have not been out. By this time the NCI batsman had joined his captain at the striker’s end only to be informed that he needed to return to whence he had came. Jack propelled the ball to Richard who removed the bails and we had a run out. As we gathered to congratulate Jack and Richard the NCI batsman recovered his bat. You could sense that an explosion was imminent and sure enough half way back to the pavilion Mr Throwdo let fly with a string of expletives and a bat which arced through the air with a flight longer than one of Gabriel’s biggest hits.
Unnerved by this, Richard served up an over of wides, full tosses and no balls that yielded the 20 runs needed to win. Game over. NCI had won with 8 overs to spare and only 3 wickets down. By now the weather was positively balmy and we retired with the pub with (some of) the NCI team to do our best grumpy old men impersonations in the sunshine. One more game to go against bottom of the league Balsham: they have dodged us once, lets hope they don’t do it again!
A final note: thanks to Jenny for keeping score. It was quite a novelty for Coton to have a neat, accurate book with colour coding for the bowlers. She didn’t seem too put off by the standard of cricket on offer.
Expecting a cancellation Scotch had chosen to remain in Windsor. Rob had been intercepted en route to Millwall which turned out to be a blessing in disguise and there was a last minute scramble to get a full team. Mitchell was drafted in to make up the XI and Sam took up the gloves in the continued absence of Alastair.
Tosser-in-chief George was unable to fool the NCI skipper who duly inserted us to bat under threatening skies. Gabriel and Dave Simmons opened and put on 43 (our largest opening stand of the year) playing through a shower against bowlers that had difficulty with their footing. One in particular did a 10 yard slide along the wicket to prove a point. It took a change of bowling to disrupt the serene process Dave had been having problems penetrating the field (ooh, er) and finally smashed a loose ball straight at someone who could catch. This brought George to the wicket.
Meanwhile, several members of the team scrambled around to get a tea organised, Dave having been confounded by the on/off will/wont we play nature of the morning. A last minute dash to the garden centre produced rolls, cheese and ham to accompany the left over cakes from the previous week.
George promptly smashed a couple of fours before mistiming a sweep and lobbing a catch over his shoulder to the wicket keeper. Next ball, Richard was a victim to the same combination. Perhaps he was distracted by the swallows flitting around the sky? Whatever, he feathered a sharply turning ball into the keepers gloves and we were suddenly three down.
Adam came in and along with Gabriel (yes, he’s still there) propelled us along towards the hundred before becoming the first of 3 wickets to fall on 97. The second of these was the unluckiest. The players having crossed on the fall of the wicket, Jack was at the non-striker’s end. Gabriel played the ball square on the leg side, the batsmen set off for a quick single only to be undone by a sharp throw and direct hit. 99 times out of 100 that would have been a safe run but Jack was run out without facing (does that make him eligible for the pre-primary club?).
Sam & Andy also perished without scoring and it was left to Mitchell and Gabriel to see out the innings. Gabriel ran himself out off the last ball going for a suicidal 2nd run but his job of holding the innings together had been executed to perfection: 37 runs off 125 balls had been done. It was a shame that the batsmen at the other didn’t – for the most part – respond and as so often happens in Coton games Mr Extras was the 2nd top scorer. 116-8 seemed about 20-30 runes short and so it was to prove.
By the time we fielded the weather had improved. One the plus side it meant that the bowlers weren’t doing a triple lutz on each delivery but on the minus the outfield was faster. Fast and slow was the order of the day with Neil from the Footpath end and Rob from the top end. In Rob’s first over the opening batsman was undone by a ball that moved a long way to clip off stump whilst aiming over mid wicket. Neil had a couple of straight LBW decisions denied and the NCI skipper put the ball through George’s hands at point before he had scored. Another breakthrough would have been deserved at this juncture but it wasn’t to be.
The NCI skipper and wicket keeper accumulated steadily from an array of bowlers: Adam, Jack, George and Dave all tried without luck whilst Rob took on the Scotcher mantle. That doesn’t mean the oldest, slowest bowler on the team (but he was that as well) but the most economical: 7 overs, 8 runs, 1 wicket. He had found a line and length that made scoring very difficult.
We finally got the breakthough when a returning Neil castled the second opener. NCI only needed 20 to win at this point. The wicket brought their number four to the crease, and resulted in one of the season’s champagne moments. Richard had now entered the attack. After two steady overs he started the next with a high full toss no ball that the NCI skipper smacked to square leg. In a quick piece of thinking, Jack declined to catch the ball realising it would have not been out. By this time the NCI batsman had joined his captain at the striker’s end only to be informed that he needed to return to whence he had came. Jack propelled the ball to Richard who removed the bails and we had a run out. As we gathered to congratulate Jack and Richard the NCI batsman recovered his bat. You could sense that an explosion was imminent and sure enough half way back to the pavilion Mr Throwdo let fly with a string of expletives and a bat which arced through the air with a flight longer than one of Gabriel’s biggest hits.
Unnerved by this, Richard served up an over of wides, full tosses and no balls that yielded the 20 runs needed to win. Game over. NCI had won with 8 overs to spare and only 3 wickets down. By now the weather was positively balmy and we retired with the pub with (some of) the NCI team to do our best grumpy old men impersonations in the sunshine. One more game to go against bottom of the league Balsham: they have dodged us once, lets hope they don’t do it again!
A final note: thanks to Jenny for keeping score. It was quite a novelty for Coton to have a neat, accurate book with colour coding for the bowlers. She didn’t seem too put off by the standard of cricket on offer.
THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT CRICKETER
As there was no action to report last weekend, how about a poem from Michael Green who wrote a book called The Art of Coarse Cricket some years ago?
(An Ancient Cricketer goeth in to bat.)
It is an Ancient Cricketer
And he stoppeth one of three.
The others whistle past his ear
Or strike him on the knee.
The pavilion gate is open wide
And he is last man in.
With creaking joints he walketh forth,
Thirty to make to win.
(He sendeth a catch to first slip, who droppeth it.)
His bat is in his skinny hand,
There are three slips thinks he.
He snicks a ball up to the first,
Eftsoons the catch drops he.
(His opponents beat their bosoms.)
A chance! A chance! Another chance!
The Cricketer giveth three.
The fielding captain beats his breast
And curseth him roundly.
The field was there, the field was here,
So thick upon the ground;
They crouched and growled, appealed and howled
The Cricketer's bat around.
Fielders, fielders, everywhere,
About his bat did creep.
Fielders, fielders everywhere,
Nor anyone in the deep.
(The Cricketer doth fear he hath an hole in his bat.)
God save thee, Ancient Cricketer!
Have mercy on thy soul!
Like many men before thee gone,
Thy bat must have an hole.
Yet still the Cricketer batteth on,
A full half-hour bats he.
He doth not score a
single run
Though he trieth mightily.
(Although he scoreth no runs, the Cricketer helpeth his side to win.)
'Tis done! 'Tis done! The game is won
And well and truly fought,
The Cricketer limpeth happily in
Although his score was nought.
He batteth best, who scoreth most,
And hath but little luck.
Yet though the Cricketer made no runs
It was a noble duck.
(An Ancient Cricketer goeth in to bat.)
It is an Ancient Cricketer
And he stoppeth one of three.
The others whistle past his ear
Or strike him on the knee.
The pavilion gate is open wide
And he is last man in.
With creaking joints he walketh forth,
Thirty to make to win.
(He sendeth a catch to first slip, who droppeth it.)
His bat is in his skinny hand,
There are three slips thinks he.
He snicks a ball up to the first,
Eftsoons the catch drops he.
(His opponents beat their bosoms.)
A chance! A chance! Another chance!
The Cricketer giveth three.
The fielding captain beats his breast
And curseth him roundly.
The field was there, the field was here,
So thick upon the ground;
They crouched and growled, appealed and howled
The Cricketer's bat around.
Fielders, fielders, everywhere,
About his bat did creep.
Fielders, fielders everywhere,
Nor anyone in the deep.
(The Cricketer doth fear he hath an hole in his bat.)
God save thee, Ancient Cricketer!
Have mercy on thy soul!
Like many men before thee gone,
Thy bat must have an hole.
Yet still the Cricketer batteth on,
A full half-hour bats he.
He doth not score a
single run
Though he trieth mightily.
(Although he scoreth no runs, the Cricketer helpeth his side to win.)
'Tis done! 'Tis done! The game is won
And well and truly fought,
The Cricketer limpeth happily in
Although his score was nought.
He batteth best, who scoreth most,
And hath but little luck.
Yet though the Cricketer made no runs
It was a noble duck.
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