A Wise Philosopher...

... once asked, if a game of cricket takes place and no one was there to write a match report, did it really happen? Coton vs Hardwick, 21/May/2011. Enough said.

Heads We Win

Coaches will always tell you to use your head when playing cricket.

• Look where the fielders are and try to hit the ball where they aren’t.
• If a batsman is strong on the leg side don’t bowl him a series of leg side long hops.
• If there is no one backing up at the stumps don’t fling the ball in so hard it goes for 4 overthrows.

It’s all about applying some thought and, “using your head”.

I bet Dave Simmons wishes he hadn’t taken those coaches so literally now.

After another week of brilliant spring weather Saturday again dawned dull and overcast with a strong wind whipping across Coton Rec. Having secured our tape measure back from the “Fun Run” organisers the usual suspects proceeded to prepare for the visit of Girton who we had last played a couple of years ago. Three changes from the previous week saw Adam Wright back in the team, the return of Dave Hale who had taken the 2010 season as a sabbatical and Charlie Stevenson making his debut.

Ross won the toss, inserted the opposition and we got first use of the shiny, new, new ball that Andy had picked up from Cricket Stick earlier.

Charlie got first use and soon discovered what countless generations of Coton quick bowlers before him had suffered through: banging it in short will not get you any bounce. Once he adjusts to this he will be quite a handful in J4B as he showed when he pitched one up to the Girton opener and elicited an edge to first slip. Gabriel’s hours of practice on slip cradle paid off and he held a very sharp rising chance. Having just spent 10 minutes dropping, fumbling and juggling easier catches in front of the Girton team they looked suitably stunned by the catch (as we did!).

The wicket was timely. Girton had gotten away to a quick start using the pace of Charlie to rattle up some runs and also taking the attack to Milan who had opened at the other end.

Ross is a decisive captain and he soon rang the changes to stop Girton getting on top. Adam took wickets in successive overs, first bowling the Girton captain having totally bemused him with some sharp turn and then enticing the wicket keeper to lob a catch to Dave Simmons.

Ross removed the other opener in a tight spell that encouraged a lot of “ohhs” and “ahhs” from the close field. A note on that field: Ross kept attacking throughout and it paid dividends.

Despite the two wickets it looked like Adam was coming in for some tap so he made way for Dave Scotcher and Charlie came back for a 2^nd spell, Ross having removed the other opener.

Charlie then showed how quickly he was adapting to the Coton wicket by bowling a rank long hop that pinned a bemused Girtonian in front on the 2^nd bounce. Like all wickets this one was obviously the bowler's cunning plan all along and not at all due to the batsman looking for a fast chest high ball rather than one that slowly rolled into his ankle.

Scotch ripped out the next batsman’s middle stump before resorting to the “bad balls take wickets” stratagem. The Girton batsman made good contact with a shortish ball and launched it towards cow corner. Dave Simmons had been placed there for just such an eventuality and steadied himself for the catch. There then followed the awful sound of ball hitting skull as Dave decided to forego the use of hands and use his head. Gabriel was quick to respond making sure the ball was out of play before attending to Dave who was bleeding profusely. The first aid kit was brought into play and an ambulance summoned to whisk away the unfortunate Dave who was getting very little (no) sympathy from Scotch for missing a chance of his bowling.

This threw us for a moment but we regrouped. Milan returned to the attack and got a deserved wicket and Ross took another to have them 8 down for less than 100. There was then a fight back by Girton for the 9^th wicket which we kept in check with some good fielding aided and abetted by Girton’s #10 not being able to keep pace with his younger, fleeter, partner. It was no surprise when we finished things off with 2 run outs. The first was from a throw by Adam that missed the stumps at the bowler’s end (to which he was throwing) and ran out the struggling batsman with a direct hot at the other end. The second run out was a cool underarm return from Charlie.

128 all out with just over two overs remaining: the wickets spread between 5 bowlers and some eager fielding.

Alastair provided the teas and the “peanut butter with marmite and cucumber” sandwiches proved to be rather tasty.

Gabriel and Dave Hale opened the batting in their contrasting styles. Dave bludgeoned some fierce boundaries whilst Gabriel accumulated in a more circumspect manner. This included one “6” for Gabriel that resulted when a wild return from a quickly run two evaded the keeper and the fielders before running away for 4 overthrows. They all count and looking back no-one will be able to differentiate between this 6 and one that had been achieved with a powerful shot.

Dave was getting into the groove but in trying to smash a 3^rd successive boundary played all around a straight ball that rearranged his stumps.

This brought in Alastair. Having survived a straight forward chance to the keeper he started to play an array of shots that had the score rattling along nicely. We had passed 80 just before the half way stage and drinks were being readied when Gabriel lost his wicket. This was almost a carbon copy of the previous game where he succumbed at the same stage of the innings. Perhaps next time we should hide the drinks so he doesn’t get distracted.

Milan replaced Gabriel and proceeded to look very comfortable and elegant although unfortunately he managed to pick out fielders with all but one of his shots. With Alastair he took the score past 100 before getting out in a very similar way to the previous week from a ball that seemed to stop on him.

This brought a very surprised Rob to the wicket. Even with only 10 fit batsmen (the injured Dave Simmons being absent) he had been expecting to be number 11.

However he was quickly into his stride and smashed a couple of leg side boundaries. (Rob is still to score on the offside this season so a savvy captain would employ a 0/9 split field). Alastair was seeing the ball beautifully now and the remaining runs were knocked off in double quick time – the final four taking him to a well deserved 50.

So we had a win by 7 wickets with 13 overs to spare. The final overs had been watched by a crowd that must have been close to double figures: a possible record for Coton CC.

A few minutes after we finished the match the rains came down as we savoured the jugs provided by Mr Breward. A fitting end to an enjoyable day, and best wishes to Mr Simmons for a speedy recovery.

Bali-Hi (& Bali-low)

Every year, in early May (or late April), thousands of people up and down the country look forward to their first cricket game of the year, whilst thousands of wives and girlfriends look forward to days of unencumbered shopping. Months of dedicated training in the winter nets will be put to the test. All those resolutions (“I will not throw my bat at the first ball”, “I won’t bowl leg side wides”, etc) will be mulled over and rejected at the first possible opportunity.

A quick search of the kit bag will reveal that the whites were forgotten at the end of the last season and now support new life forms hitherto unknown to science. Or perhaps you had forgotten that you needed a new shirt/trousers/whatever for the new season. A quick trip to Sports Direct will be required.

You will stay off the beer on Friday night and get a good night’s sleep to be fit and ready (yeah right).

And then, true to form, having just come through the driest April since records began you awake on Saturday morning to the sound of raindrops hitting the window ledge and curse the fact that you didn’t shut the window the previous night.

This was the prospect of Coton CC 2011 as they prepared for the game against Barley. Gabriel had made a start on the pitch preparations and slowly others rolled up to help. A pitch was lovingly (if slightly crookedly) cut, rolled – with our shiny new roller – and marked. The ropes that cordoned off the training areas that had encroached into the outfield were carefully removed and a boundary measured and marked.

Dave Simmons arrived with the teas and the rest of team having waited around the corner until the pitch prep was complete made an appearance. There was a mix of old (and very old) faces and debuts for Milan Mniszko and Adam Bradbury who at 13 had just become of age to play for the seniors. It was a very sobering thought for the older members of the team that there was more than 40 years separating them from the debutants. Even with all that experience the latter were still smart enough to let the former do the pitch work though.

Such are the joys of village cricket, long may they endure.

King George had abdicated at the end of the previous season (some lame excuse about marriage and moving) so Saturday May 7^th saw the start of the reign of King Ross (the 1^st of his name). There was no coronation ceremony, not even a haka, before Ross strolled out to the middle. Following the time honoured tradition of Coton captains he lost the toss and we were given first opportunity to bat.

Meanwhile in the dressing room there was much discussion about where Barley was located. Down south was proffered and for a short time I was picturing a tropical Indonesian island with exotic maidens. No such luck.

Gabriel and Ross donned the pads, Rob and Andy donned the coats and after a short panic we located the match ball, bails and counters. And the 2011 season was underway with a play and a miss from Gabriel.

It was soon evident that in true Coton tradition the pitch was low and slow. Gabriel prodded and poked, and Ross hit one cracking boundary before being undone by one that stopped on him resulting in a lob back to the bowler.

Alastair had one pure comedy moment – stretching forward, he managed to slip, fall & crawl back into the crease to avoid being stumped: perhaps it was the wicket keepers union at work, the Barley keeper being so slow to take the bails. He was then removed by a ball that lifted, cut and clipped the off bail. This brought the first of our tyros to the wicket. Milan played some glorious shots which even had the opposition purring in approval. He was to perish in the same manner as Ross, who had early been lecturing in the perils of Coton wickets: obviously a case of “do as I do, not do as I say”. I should point out that the bowler was called “Chuck”: an appropriate name if I ever heard one! He bowled 10 overs and took 2 for 7. Very tidy indeed.

This was in the 9^th over and Gabriel had just got in the mark. I was going to make a comment about his snail’s pace batting but do not want be accused of snailism.

Dave and Gabriel then engaged in the biggest partnership of the day, both hitting some fine shots and the score progressed past 50 just before the 20^th over mark when Gabriel became the 2^nd victim for a very animated Jimmy Ghani whose appeals ranged from promising through optimistic to downright ludicrous.

Adam Bradbury showed great composure on his debut despite watching Dave Simmons (top score, 20) and Andy East depart to successive deliveries. Andy’s patented shuffle back and across didn’t fool the umpire at all and he was plumb LBW, Dave went to a good catch off a well struck shot.

There then followed the most controversial moment of the match. A ball evaded the Barley keeper and scuttled away for byes. The fielder at fine leg slid and stopped the ball but was patently over the boundary in doing so. The batsmen were coming back for a 2^nd when he pinged the ball in and Matt Chandler was caught short of his ground. The fielder appeared to be signalling a boundary but Matt was given out. After some discussion he departed but Ross intervened with the Barley captain and the umpires resulting in Matt being recalled.

Gordon also bagged an LBW and Matt went for real a few overs later. Scotch and Rob then put on 14 for the last wicket taking the innings into the 40^th over before Scotch was unluckily stumped by a ball that rebounded off the keeper.

Teas, courtesy of Mr Simmons, were gratefully consumed despite Scotch’s moaning about a lack of pickle/mustard/condiment in the sandwiches. The French Fancies were very good.

And then we bowled and fielded. Barley got off to a slow start against accurate bowling of contrasting styles from Matt and Milan. Neither could make the breakthrough despite many close calls so Ross rang the changes bringing himself on along with Rob. After a couple of tight overs Rob bowled a few loose deliveries and got the hook to be replaced by Scotch and there followed 20 overs of very tight bowling as Barley fell behind the required scoring rate.

This was punctuated with a steady drip of wickets. Ross snagged one opener with the third caught and bowled of the match having hesitaited just long enough to need a dive to make the catch look spectacular. Dave bowled the other opener and Ross got a 2^nd wicket with a good catch from Alastair.

At this stage it was anyone’s game with the required run rate going up and some tight bowling and fielding keeping Barley under pressure.

Milan came back for a 2^nd spell after Ross’s spell of 2-19 in 10 overs came to an end. The former had been unlucky not to get a wicket in his first spell but he didn’t have to wait too long second time around. A sharp catch by Dave Simmons at backward square removed the dangerous – and enthusiastic – Ghani. Milan took a second with an LBW coming round the wicket to a left hander, the ball straightening enough to trap him in front.

That was the last wicket to fall and Barley now staggered across the line with 10 balls to spare to end a close match in the best weather of the day.

And so the 2011 season starts with a defeat. On the plus side we had highly promising debuts from Milan and Adam, solid batting from Dave Simmons and Gabriel and good tight bowling from Scotch and Ross. Next week it’s Girton. Two years ago we beat them twice without losing a wicket. Let’s hope for something along those lines this time.