“I have seen the future of Coton Cricket” commented one of the veterans, “it’s me sitting on a deck chair with a beer chuntering at the kids and telling anyone who will listen how much better it was in my day…”
For five and bit hours on Saturday afternoon the Coton Geriatrics (average age 50) showed the Whippersnappers (average age 22, but very heavily slewed by Ross, Paul, Richard and Deepak) that they weren’t quite ready to hand over the reins without a fight.
There was a suggestion before the match that it could turn out a bit like the masters/pupils rugby match in Monty Python’s “Meaning of Life”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w6Vy3l9Gk4 but there were only a few injured juniors at the end.
As the sun pushed away the rain clouds that just dumped their contents on Coton (and assorted cyclists), there was a mad scramble in the Codgers dressing room to grab enough space to park the Zimmer frames and secure a clean glass in which to deposit the false teeth during the game. Meanwhile in the Juniors’ room security blankets, soft toys and Game Boys were reluctantly put away for the duration (and that was just Ross).
Whether there was an actual toss, or it was just decided by the captains, the Veterans batted first. There was a rule of retirement after 40 balls or 50 runs in place, and a limit of 5 overs per bowler, to ensure that as many players as possible got into the game. In the case of some of the veterans 5 overs is about all they can handle in a day, and 40 balls is more than they have faced all season.
A couple of the older team members misconstrued the retirement rule and were packing their kit away before the captain clarified that “retire at 50” meant runs, not years.
Gabriel and Dave Simmons opened the batting for the Seasoned XI whilst the Academy started with Robert Manion and Olly Bradbury. Olly was one of 4 members of that particular clan engaged in the festivities. Both bowlers were steady and accurate – a trait that will have to be weaned out of them by the coaches if they want to fit in to the senior team.
Gabriel, Dave and Richard (at #3) all made useful runs as Ross rotated his bowling attack to good effect. None of them got close enough to the 40/50 retirement rule though despite Dave’s attempts at bullying his son by picking him out in the field at every opportunity. Daniel had been somewhat reluctant to take the field in the first place and had needed much cajoling and several threats from Dave before doing so.
Adam Bradbury in particular took the eye in the field patrolling the boundary and making fine returns to complement his ever improving leg spin bowling.
Mark Carrington at #4 and Rob Kaye at #5 took up the reins (Rob having got over the nose bleed caused by the altitude of being in a batting position with less than one digit). Mark eventually reached the 40 ball retirement and Andy East took his place.
The juniors were now treated to a sight somewhat akin to two arthritic rhinos lumbering up and down the pitch as Rob and Andy both – comfortably – got their highest scores of the season. Rob kept looking worriedly at Gabriel (now umpiring) in case the Child Welfare Officer reported him for bullying. Together Rob & Andy put on something in excess of 80 runs, dealing as much as possible in leg side boundaries and turning all attempts to run 2 into singles.
It was enough for Ross to develop a tactical shoulder injury at the start of the 28th over and hand over the bowling to the newly arrived Robbie Sewell (replete in purple hockey shirt).
Now, Rob might favour one shot but he is quite good at it and it should be a salutary lesson that if you bowl it leg side it will get hit hard (or on the off, it will be hardly hit). Robbie’s first ball vanished somewhere in the direction of the M11. After a quick bit of coaching from Ross, Robbie bowled the next one outside off, and Rob duly edged it to a predatory skipper who had positioned himself at point for just such an eventuality.
Scotch played a quick cameo (a duck) and Rads also got out leaving Ulassa to scramble on the pads to join Neil (“I can’t see the ball”) to avoid being timed out. The venerable golden oldies had put together 181 in their 30 overs.
In order to set a good example in nutrition to the Academy a tea consisting of crisps, cakes and more cakes was provided. It should by now be very obvious to the Juniors how Scotch, Andy and Rob maintain their physiques.
The Juniors’ innings was launched by the two Roberts (Manion and Sewell). Robbie S didn’t last too long but Robert M proceeded serenely, successfully repelling Dave “Grizzly Adams” Scotcher, Matt, Richard, Ulassa and Neil before he reached his 40/50 retirement threshold.
A lot can be learned about the bowlers from watching the wicket keepers. For the Academy the keeper was not to moving around too much being able to take the ball where he was standing. This was in stark contrast to the superannuated version that took the field for the second innings. This keeper was forced into scrambling around on several occasions (every over) to stop wides on both sides of the wicket from Ulassa, Matt, Mark, Neil, Richard and Gabriel.
Dave S & Dave S are excused from this list of shame as they managed to bowl straight most of the time. It was only partially in jest that Rob took up a position at leg gully for the bowling of Gabriel.
The Academy players – Rob & Robbie, Bobby, Adam, Cameron and Olly - all looked to have fine techniques as well as fair degree of courage as Neil resorted to bowling bodyline. Just as laudable was their understanding of the game of cricket to compliment the technique. This is a testament to the coaching skills of Ross, Chris and the others that have been involved.
Somewhat more suspect in technique were the senior players.
The most consistent senior bowler was Grizzly Adams, off whose bowling the most likely cause of injury for the keeper is to be hit in the face by flying bails as another bemused batsman is castled. It was a mere three times today, the fourth wicket being courtesy of the finest fine leg to grace the Coton team in living memory. For it was Helen Bradbury – who had taken the field to make up the XI – that swooped forward to hold on to a catch at short cover and showed the men how it was done. Now, she probably only volunteered for this to get the opportunity to sledge Paul, Adam and Olly but she was alert enough to be back on her feet after the catch before the charging herd of behemoths could engulf her in congratulations. This probably saved her several broken ribs.
Gabriel managed a couple of wickets courtesy of obliging batsmen that redirected the ball onto the stumps. Neil, building up a fair head of steam, got one to lift and follow Ross who feathered the ball into the grateful hands of Rob behind the stumps. I don’t think the latter would have ever lived it down if he had grassed that chance.
The scoring rate was getting ever more demanding and eventually Robert had to return to the crease to resume his innings until he ran out of partners.
The Academy had come up short but made a spirited attempt to match the Seniors’ score. Gabriel was presented with a trophy to commemorate the historic victory whilst the senior players grabbed a beer (or two) and Ross noted that we will open up the 2012 season with a return match. I was silently contemplating the various bruises, strains and injuries and wondering whether that should indeed be my last game. And then, the next day, whilst in Cambridge I noticed that Sports Direct had the Slazenger cricket shorts (with built in box pouch) on sale for £2. It was then that I realised that there might be life in the old dog yet and I would need one of those next year after all!
See you on October 1st for the pitch work November 12th for the social and no doubt the winter nets.
For now, I leave you with the words of Roy Harper.
When an old cricketer leaves the crease, well you never know whether he's gone
If sometimes you're catching a fleeting glimpse of a twelfth man at silly Mid-on
And it could be Geoff and it could be John with a new ball sting in his tail
And it could be me and it could be thee and it could be the sting in the ale, the sting in the ale.
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