"Centurion" by Lucius Mestrius Plutarchus

Being part of a village cricket team brings many pleasures.  Each weekend in summer you have the opportunity to be hit by a hard red projectile whilst being sledged by team mates.  There are the cool (off) white clothes.  There is the joy of endless committee meetings and pitch preparation.   For the captain there is the excitement of the chase to find ten other people with nothing better to do on a Saturday.  I mean, who could ignore the lure of shoe shopping or visiting a craft fair and just how many weddings can one person attend in a year?  If all else fails there is gardening (“if you can spend every evening working on the pitch is it too much to mow the lawn?”).  There is the sheer ecstasy of standing in the drizzle on a glorious English summer day.

Foremost amongst the pleasure of village cricket is the opportunity to visit some of the backwaters of Cambridgeshire (and and at times Hertfordshire, Essex, Suffolk).  Places you haven’t heard of, can’t find on maps and, if it weren’t for cricket you would probably never will.  Almost invariably they are charming, idiosyncratic and well worth the trip.

Cokenach, on a country estate near the village of Barkway, was one such location.  With their £250K pavilion (including bar), covers, sight screens and nets you get the impression that they are one of the more affluent clubs in the league.  With sheep grazing on the nearby slopes and the occasional deer wandering past it seemed a shame to actually play cricket.

But we did play.  We batted first on a ground with a pronounced slope and a short boundary on one side and at one end.  Alastair opened with Quintus Dias.  The former has had a rotten run of luck this season, and that continued today with a second ball duck that someone snuck under the bat after he had blocked it and bounced back on to the stumps.  Perhaps it’s time for an adult bat, Alastair?  Cokenach celebrated, oblivious to what was to come next.  Safwan sauntered to the wicket, took a leg stump guard and instead of playing and missing the first few balls he faced (in his traditional way) swatted the first for two.  The next one vanished for six and the carnage began.  

Over the space of the next thirty deliveries Safwan racked up another forty five runs.  The opening bowling was honestly not that bad with a fair bit of movement and quite accurate.  It’s just that once Safwan gets into full flow any bowler can look a bit shell-shocked.  Fifty came up in just eight overs and when Safwan finally missed one in the eleventh he had recorded his second half century in successive league games with six fours and three sixes.  He was a second wicket for the persevering Jay Hussein.   Quintus’ contribution to a second wicket stand of sixty four was just eight runs.

If Cokenach imagined that Safwan’s departure would slow things down they were in for a rude awakening.  Gabriel – captain for the day in Dan’s absence – is now reproducing the batting he shows in nets in a match situation.  Perhaps it is less pressure not opening?   Whatever the reason, he and Quintus now assembled a third wicket stand of 177 over the course of 27 overs.  Both reached well constructed half centuries.  The ball was being dispatched to all corners.  Quintus managed to hit a six without the intervention of a fielders head and together they found the boundary on a regular basis.  The fielding was getting ragged: dropped catches, overthrows and even a glove throwing strop by the wicket keeper.  The bowling was – euphemistically – variable and one bowler even chose to injure himself rather than face the onslaught.  It was a joy to watch even if a tad frustrating: it is the perennial curse of the lower order batsman that they only get a chance when the team is in trouble and the upper order has failed against better quality bowling.  There is something very iniquitous about this.

And still the runs came with Quintus passing the century mark in the closing overs.  This is the first hundred for Coton witnessed by your faithful scribe that wasn’t by someone called Chris Cooke.  All the while Bobby Elmes sat padded up waiting for his chance with the bat.  It was never to come.

Finally with about 10 balls left, Gabriel missed one and became a third victim for the persevering Hussein.  Bobby was told to stay where he was and Matt sent in with orders to hit some sixes.  He was on a hiding to nothing but survived while a tiring Quintus carried his bat.  

Coton amassed 249-3, Quintus Dias 107 not out, Gabriel 67 (both personal best scores) and Safwan 53 off 32 balls.  

Perversely a big total likes this puts additional pressure on the bowlers.  Defending a small total can either end in glorious victory or valiant defeat, either way, the blame can seldom be laid at the feet of the bowlers.  A large total should be easier to defend but can you imagine the ignominy of the bowlers that fail to so?  It was with that specter hanging over Matt and Rob that we started our defense.  Cokenach were soon behind the run rate.  Matt bowled some good stuff and was rewarded when the first opener slapped the ball to a waiting Quintus Dias at point.  Rob was also getting plenty of movement and passing the outside edge.  He was mixing in the occasional full toss and having seen a couple dispatched to the short boundary was somewhat to see the next one nestle into the hands of Matt at backward square leg.  2 down for 17 and a run rate rising towards seven an over.  It was time to try the full toss trick again and guess what: it worked!  This time it was Safwan under the ball pouching the catch.

Buoyed by this success Rob tried a long hop.  This was smashed straight to Quintus Dias who shelled the catch: third time, not so lucky.  Rob was withdrawn from the attack with 2-18 off his five overs.   The replacement was Anthony Lamb, our debutant from The Land Down Under (& Zoology).  Bowling a brisk left arm round Anthony delivered a very promising first spell, in tandem with Dave Scotcher.  It was to their misfortune that they came into the attack whilst Cokenach’s two best batsmen were at the wicket.  Soon we were getting a taste of our own medicine.  66 runs were added for the 4^th wicket in reasonably quick time.  The required rate crept up towards eight per over and something had to give.

It was the introduction of Safwan that broke the partnership.  To go with the 50 runs, the catch and some fielding Safwan now bowled the opposition skipper.  It was a clever tactic too: three balls down the leg side were followed by a straight one that moved away off the seam and knocked back off stump.  99-4 and now needing over eight per over the match was swinging inexorably our way.

Anthony Lamb returned to the attack along with Scotch.  Quintus managed to put down another catch leading to the conspiracy theory that he was returning the favours shown by Cokenach in dropping him on a few occasions on his way to the century.  He was obviously suffering a Dr Fox prescribed some salt.  A small container with a white powdery substance was produced.  Was it salt?  Maybe we will never know.  

The match was conclusively put to bed as two more wickets fell.  Scotch finally bought his wicket courtesy of a Anthony Lamb running around from Long On to Long Off.  Anthony is Dave’s new bestest friend (even if he is Australian): he should be very worried about this.  Anthony then got a deserved wicket whilst giving Dave and Safwan a lesson in how to take a caught and bowled.  (Part 1: move towards, not away from, the ball.  Part 2: enclose ball in hands, do not attempt to parry). 

There was still time for Bobby Elmes and Cameron Black to have a bowl.  Both were ill served by a series of dropped catches.  Bobby did get a wicket off the last ball of the match courtesy of a stumping by Alastair to atone for an earlier drop.

Cokenach finished on 188-7, 61 runs short.  Wickets were shared by all the bowlers apart from the unfortunate Cameron.   The fielding was good when it needed to early on to put Cokenach behind the rate but rather more relaxed later when their chances of passing our score receded.  Cokenach won the Minor League last year so it gives us a good indicator of what to expect from the other teams from that league when face them.   

Two wins out of two and joint top (with 3 others) is all that we could ask for in starting the season. Next week it is bottom of the league Newton.  They dodged us twice last year: will we finally get to test their metal?