Peter Pan, the Cricketing Years, by Captain Hook

And so, the curtain falls on the 2012 cricket season.   It ended in a blaze of sunshine on a hot summer day and brings to an end a season that often seemed as if it would never start.  The final tally: played 8, won 5 lost 3 with 4 games lost to the weather and two more due to a team dropping out.   We finished a solid 3^rd.  Above us, Sawston to whom we lost two close games and were definitely the best team that we encountered this year and Newton who dodged us twice in cancelled games.  Could we have beaten them?  Teams that played both us and Newton reckoned we were the stronger side but we will never know for sure.

On the individual front:

• Safwan was the top run scorer with 290 runs at an average of 58.  Ullasa and Dan (in the cup) also hit half centuries.

• Scotch was the top wicket taker with 22 @ 6.82.  He had two 5 (or better) wicket performances.   Ullasa, Dan and Neil were also high up in the bowling charts.

But I digress.  We ended the season with a traditional pantomime.  Peter Pan’s cricketing years have been lost in mists of time but we decided to re-enact them on this day.  Captain Hook (or, to give him his full name Captain Cross Batted Slog to Cow Corner) lost the toss – and some would say, the plot - whereupon Bassingbourn chose to bat and have us in field in the heat.  This put paid to the plan Hook had formed to bat first, run up a big score against a winless team and then “experiment” with the bowling.  

Holidays had deprived us of The Bradburys, Neil and Matt.  Ullasa was away in Bangalore getting married of all things.  With so many of the regulars missing, we welcomed back The Lost Boys (Slightly and Tootles) who hadn’t played for a couple of seasons and were joined in Neverland by Mr Darling and his son Michael who had foregone his regular fishing trip (the mermaids say "hi").  This meant that we had a wicket keeper the right side of 50 for once which was useful given the lines adopted by some of our bowlers.  Peter Pan had brokered a truce between the Pirates (Smee, Gentleman Starkey, Noodler) and the Lost Boys (Nibs was there as well) and as a reward was given the new ball along with Prince Charming.  Prince Charming you ask, surely that is the wrong pantomime?  Well yes, but there was a lack of dashing heroes without him so he bravely swapped pantomimes.

We got off to a good start with wickets for The Prince and Peter Pan, once again, rolling back the years.  His first over went for 8 runs, the next 9 for just 7.   With three down (two bowled, one caught at short cover by Slightly) Hook rang the bowling changes.  The skipper hadn’t turned his arm over since the opening day but slotted back into the grove.  One over yielded four LBW shouts, all rejected, that led to a bit of chit chat at the umpire.  

“That was out”!

“Oh no, it wasn’t”!

“Oh yes, it was”!

Repeat until bored.

Hook was roundly booed by the audience.  Meanwhile Tootles, who hadn’t bowled for a couple of years, was struggling for consistency.  Some good balls and some very, very wide ones came down making young Michael Darling leap around behind the stumps.  The flying lessons from Peter Pan came in handy for reaching some of the deliveries.

One of these wide balls led to a real cloud pleaser.  Hook made an inelegant dive to prevent it running for four but on recovering his feet could not locate the ball.  “It’s behind you” roared the team and around he turned.  “It’s behind you” they roared again and again.  The batsmen had stopped running they were laughing so hard.  Eventually the errant ball was located behind one of the many piles of grass cuttings in the outfield and returned somewhat sheepishly to the keeper.

Changes were needed.  Bassingbourn were threatening to get a big score.   Slightly took over from Tootles and bowled some excellent leg spin.  It was as if he had been the other way.  At the other end Gentleman Starkey replaced the still embarrassed Hook and bowled five tight overs.  We still couldn’t make the breakthrough until the opposition skipper, who had made 50, cut a Slightly spinner to point.  At point stood Noodler and, pausing for dramatic effect and with assorted “oohs” and “aahs” from the assembled masses, HE HELD THE CATCH.  Noodler then gave his colleagues a look to say “what, did you think I would drop it”?   Well, if the evidence of the preceding games is anything to go by we could have made a case.  

In the meantime one of the Bassingbourn players had retired, knackered: a tactic that I will be adopting next season.

Hook brought back the opening bowlers and wickets came for quickly.  Prince Charming broke yet another bail and Peter Pan got three more.  The last of these showed either that magic does exist or that when your luck is in, it’s in.  On the last ball of the innings the batsman made a wild charge down the track and missed.  The keeper couldn’t hold on and the ball dropped earthwards.   It was at this stage I could swear I could hear a tinkling bell and a susurration that sounded like “I do believe in fairies, I do”.   Whatever.    The ball dropped onto Michael’s foot (not Michael Foot) and from there rolled inexorably towards the stumps where in slow motion the bail dropped to the ground in a shower of fairy dust.  And that was the end of the innings.

Peter Pan was beside himself.  Another 5 wicket haul meant another jug!   You could say that Peter was out of his brain on the 5-15!

Meanwhile, Wendy had arrived with the teas but much to everyone’s disappointment would not tell us a story.

Bassingbourn had 143, which was a decent but not too threatening total.   Smee, returning from the Seychelles, opened the batting with Slightly.  We have struggled for a regular opening pair at times this season with retirements and absences and this experiment didn’t seem to be working either.   Slightly was quickly dismissed and followed a couple of overs later by Tootles.  The latter was unlucky having watched the ball trickle on to the stumps after a solid defensive block.  Tootles had been put high up the order as he was on duty at The Plough (a bit of a wimpy landlubber name for a Pirate tavern) in the evening and needed to make a quick departure stage left after his performance.   

This brought Noodler to the wicket to join Smee.   Noodler has played some explosive knocks this season however today he had an upset stomach.  He had already spent some overs off the field in the first innings.

It took a few balls to get his range but soon the hapless Bassingbourn bowlers were being summarily dispatched to all points of the compass.  One shot landed in a bush close to the footpath, another skittered across the road and the grand finale hit the trees at the footpath end about ¾ of the way up and was never seen again.  Five times in all the rope was cleared to go along with eight fours.  Noodler’s 50 came up off 28 balls.   We were rocking and Bassingbourn put to the sword.   Smee was taking a supporting role as is his wont but hit some fine shots as well.  He was now limping quite badly (the wooden leg had woodworm) and turning twos into ones and ones into dot balls.

The third wicket partnership added 107 in quick time before Noodler – possibly needing another visit below decks for his dicky stomach – was out for 75 off 50 balls.  This was the highest individual score for Coton in 2012 and his 3^rd half century of the campaign.   It seems a little unfair for a non-imbiber to be obliged to procure foaming drinks of ale for the crew: but we have never let that stop us before.

Smee was now joined by Nibs for a quick cameo and then finally Price Charming.  Smee’s leg injury was getting worse but he was ignoring entreaties from Captain Hook (who had gone to umpire especially for this eventuality) and declined to “retire hurt”.  He informed us he was going to hit out.

And hit out he did, with one towering blow clearing the rope at deep mid-wicket.  We have come to regard Noodler's big hitting as commonplace but a maximum from Smee is to be cherished.  I am sure we will hear about it all next year. Unburdened by the need to hold together a faltering upper order, Smee played with a seldom seen freedom and we cruised past the target with 12 overs to spare and Smee on 45 not out.  Prince Charming contributed one four of his own before slapping his thigh and returning to the dressing rooms unbeaten.

Thus it was a comfortable 6 wicket win to end the league season.  It was a season that held much promise but eventually left us feeling somewhat frustrated.  Still there is always next year.  Until then, it’s good night to children, and cricketers, everywhere.  Sleep tight.

Peter Pan, the Cricket Years “starred”:

Smee – Gabriel Fox

Peter Pan – David Scotcher

Mr Darling – Johnny Boatfield

Michael Darling – Oscar Boatfield

Gentleman Starkey – Richard Allison

Noodler – Safwan Akram

Slightly – Adam Wright

Tootles – Billy Haynes

Nibs – Bobby Elmes

Prince Charming – Dan Garson

Wendy - Allison Kaye

Tinkerbell - herself

and

Captain Hook / Cross Batted Slog to Cow Corner – Rob Kaye