Beamers, Bouncers, Balsham and Bugger, we lost again

Another wet Saturday in Coton: it must be cricket season (I can just cut and paste this from previous reports).

After a little bit of panic on the Friday the weather did actually help out with a drying wind and Neil (with help from Billy, Scotch and Rob) was able to prepare a belter of a wicket. In a season where wins have been hard to come by the improvement in the Coton wicket has been a source of some satisfaction so thanks to everyone who put the time in: you know who you are!

With George missing, Rob became tosser-in-chief for the day. Scotch was back after ditching us for some roller coasters the previous weekend. One Haynes was replaced by the other, Rabboni was back after missing several games as was Rob McCorquodale and Dennis Finn made a 2nd appearance.

Someone will need to explain to me: how come Andy East has a spare pare of whites that fit Dennis? It must be said that Andy has a kit bag somewhat larger than the team’s kit bag so perhaps he has an assortment of sizes just in case?

There was a last minute panic when Courtney called off. Billy was quickly on the phone to Adam and with some subtle (and not too subtle) encouragement the latter agreed to play. Neil leaped into his car and dashed off to collect our XIth man, the latter changing into his whites in the car on the way back. Just what the police would have made of the scene if they had pulled Neil over whilst Adam was in mid-change we can only imagine. CWO Fox: have a word, please!

[We later found out that both Andy and I had the wrong mobile #s for Adam. So some very confused person has been getting messages if they were available on Saturday but for some strange reason never answered. This lead to much debate about services available on mobile phones, especially in Germany.]

The match progressed through its usual phases, the stand in tosser having won the toss and put Balsham in:

• Fielding & Bowling (including some raining)
• Eating
• Batting
• Cleaning
• Chuntering

With Neil still en route ferrying Adam we started with Billy and Rob. Billy was bowling some beautiful stuff interspersed with head high beamers at a batsman we later found out was legally blind. Rob carried on from where he had left off the previous week and bowled 5 economical overs without getting any luck. Billy struck first, helped out by a good running catch by Rob “I’m not typing his whole name again as its too long” McC. Neil had arrived back with Adam and a very relieved Simmons Junior was allowed to leave the playing area.

Ringing the bowling changes brought wickets. Dave “other big guy” Scotcher replaced Rob, and Neil took over from Billy. Neil proceeded in the Coton tradition of bowling body line short pitched deliveries at 4 year olds and vehemently disputing wides (in his defence, some of the so called wides were passing over the top of the stumps or brushing the batsman’s body). Dave continued his traditions of taking wickets, not conceding runs and diving in instalments.

I pause here to mention that Dave only came 4th in the slo-mo diving competition this week. There are honourable mentions for long-name Rob and Andy but the winner was short-name Rob who rather than taking two steps to the left to stop the ball, went to ground early, made a daisy chain and then had to shuffle forward as the ball may well not have reached him.

Dave bowled the first of the Balsham Juniors and then the other opener. On each occasion they could well have been LBW first but Dave wasn’t taking any chances (just as well, no LBWs were being given) and hit the stumps for good measure.

Neil produced two cracking yorkers to rearrange the stumps along with a sharp parry and catch from Gabriel at midwicket. Dave took two more wickets and Balsham were 76-8 and things were looking good. Scotch’s final figures 10 overs 5 maidens 10 runs 4 wickets – brilliant work.

76-8 became 156-8 and we did not feel any better that Balsham told us later that they had reversed the order to give the kids a chance as their season was more or less over since they were effectively relegated.

Dave Simmons made the teas and very fine they were to with plenty of cakes to give us our sugar boost. The teas were in fact almost as good as his wicket keeping, Dave having stepped into the breach left by a holidaying Alastair: our 2nd good stand in keeping performance in successive weeks.

And then we batted.

Gabriel and Dave got us off to now regulation slow and steady start but both perished in the 15th over looking to move the score along. Adam and Dennis took over (great fielding by the way, Dennis) and got us moving. Dennis was only able to connect with a couple of lusty blows before being bowled and was replaced by Rob “I’m not typing his whole name again as its too long” McC who produced his highest score for Coton.

Some classy looking shots from Adam propelled us forward (top score – 37, 5 fours) and kept us in the chase before he eventually succumbed to the 3rd change bowler. At 117-4 with around 8 overs left to get 40 runs we were looking good.

One over later it was 117-7. Billy Haynes had helped Rob “I’m still not typing his whole name again as its too long” McC put on 20 for the 5th wicket before becoming the first of 3 Coton players to succumb to Ford’s off cutters during the course of one over. Andy went first ball and although Rabboni survived the hat trick he didn’t last the over.

Tosser Rob joined “no way am I typing his whole name again as its too long” Rob but unfortunately the latter was to pick up a hamstring strain. Rabboni came on as a runner. The opposition were incredibly generous in letting us have someone young and quick run for someone who is, well, less young and somewhat slower.

The Two Robbies decided to see if they could get them in boundaries anyway before Rob 1 decided to end the confusion of the runner by getting himself out leg before (35, including 6 fours). There were around 20 to get off the last 2 overs.

Rob-2 smashed a 4 through square leg (literally, the fielder got several fingers to the ball on its way to the boundary). Dave Scotcher went through the steps that Chris Cooke had patiently taught him in nets and played a forward defensive that was immaculate in all respects other than hitting the ball and he (re) joined the primary club. Last man Neil came to the crease. A couple of quick singles, some wides and one unnecessary dive later we got to the last over needing 15 to win.

A single for Neil was followed by a maximum from Rob who having carefully noted that the fielder on the mid wicket boundary was only 3’6” smacked it 10 yards past him. Going for a repeat off the next ball Rob was then bowled with us 8 short of parity.

We’d given it a go but in the end not quite there, again.

We are still above Balsham and Weston Colville who both have two games left. We could still avoid relegation but even then there are rumours of reorganisations that may mean more than 2 teams get relegated. At the end of the day in a season with only 3 wins (none at home) in a season we can have no complaints about being relegated.

And so we headed down to the Plough for the eseential final part of any cricket match: the chuntering. Several hours later we had re-engineered events to the extent that we were unlucky not to have been promoted: missing players, retired players, missed catches, LBWs given or not given, teams fielding 1st team players, etc., etc. Yes, we were hard done by (not).

Play Cricket!
Drink Beer!
Talk Bollocks!

See you at the AGM.