Numbers. Coton lose to Wilbrahams

Looking back through recent reports it seems to me that there are way too many numbers involved. “So and so scored this and then someone else took that many wickets” and so on. So this week I shall attempt, totally without a safety net, a match report without any numbers.

This week’s game was in the bucolic setting of Great Wilbraham. The ground was asymmetric with long boundaries on the Church side and shorter ones towards the road/clubhouse which included an interesting kink to circumnavigate the club house and changing room. The team that turned out was very different that which plied their trade at Weston Colville the previous week: Rob McC, Rab, Pete and George were all missing. Who knows whether we would even have been able to raise a team if England hadn’t been so obliging in their ineptness? In came Jack Bowden – last seen at Parker’s Piece – and there were debuts for Gordon Roper, Dennis Finn and Matt Chandler, (not Ross’s son unless he is very, very tall for his age and shaving very early).

Neil and Rob opened the bowling but it wasn’t until we brought on the change bowlers that we made a break through. Adam, Neil and Scotch all turned in good spells. Matt was wayward but served up some unplayable (and apparently uncatchable) balls in a short spell. A net session with Dr Sparnon and Coach Chris could sort this out. The breakthrough came courtesy of a fine catch by Neil running in from the boundary and tumbling forward to secure a wicket for Adam. A few overs later Adam returned the favour back peddling calmly to take a catch off Neil, the ball having looped over the former’s head at point.

Good catching was generally the order of the day. In Matt’s debut bowl for Coton and a rank long hop was smashed straight at Rob in the covers. The latter failed to get out of the way fast enough, parried the ball and held on the rebound. Rob repeated this off Scotch, this time intercepting a savage pull at midwicket and again using the parry and catch routine. Rob tells me that he still has the seam imprinted on his hand as we approach the middle of the following week. There were less dramatic but just as important catches for Dennis and Matt. In between these Alastair managed to hold a catch between his legs off Neil having used pretty much every other body part to keep the ball off the ground on its way down: not pretty, but just as effective.

So, Wilbraham’s batted out their full allocation of overs: we were unable to break the final partnership. The wickets were shared between Neil, Dave, Adam, Rob and Matt: Neil and Dave taking as many each as the Adam, Rob and Matt did in combination (there is enough info here to work out how many each person took – if you don’t get it, see me after class).

The total was large and our target was a nice round number which could be expressed in Roman numerals that otherwise could be taken to mean “cricket club”. [I don’t think anything in that sentence constitutes a number.]

And then we batted and here comes the tricky bit – how to explain an innings with no numbers.

Gabriel and Alastair opened and put on the highest opening partnership for Coton this season before the former was pinned in front by a fast full pitched delivery. Wilbrahams had probably the best attack we have seen this season with quick accurate bowlers supplemented by a canny spinner. It was the latter that did most of the damage taking more wickets than the rest of the bowlers combined (and the same as the sum of Neil and Dave’s efforts, so you can figure that out as well…). It was enough to warrant a jug and just before we left he was charging glasses from a watering can full of lager.

With all the rookies on the team it was likely to be a chaotic batting performance. Jack “the shot” Bowden threatened briefly then Dennis clobbered the spinner for a maximum to the church wall along with some other lusty blows that sped across the distant boundary. However, it was only a matter of time before he missed a ball that span into his stumps. Alastair finally succumbed as well: but only after top scoring.

It was more or less a procession from there on in. Matt didn’t trouble the scorers, Adam couldn’t repeat his match winning performance of the previous week and Andy hit a few blows before being undone by the young pace man (who had been wound up by Rob warning him for bowline beamers – Rob says “sorry”, Andy). Neil hung around for a while, Scotch almost screwed himself into the ground trying to pull the spinner before Gordon was palpably LBW (I know we give too many but sometimes it’s just too bloody obvious to avoid raising the finger) leaving Rob stranded at the other end.

Apart from a spell at the beginning of the innings we hadn’t looked like chasing down the total: we would have needed to score just less than as many again to have passed the target.

We did pick up enough bonus points to stay out of the relegation spots: NCI lost and Balsham are no longer winless having defeated Weston Colville. Next week it’s home game. These have been so far and few between this season so let me know if you need the OS map reference.

And there it was: the statistics free match report: not one number.

Doh.