"Walden" by Henry David Thoreau

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"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." So wrote Thoreau in 1854 of his stay in the Massachusetts countryside, as he embraced the simplest of existences in a rude hut with no material encumbrances.

It was in the same spirit that the philosophers of Coton 1st XI ventured forth to a Walden of a more saffron hue, determined to eke out a life in the most reduced circumstances - most notably having only 10 players, two of them first-team debutants. As Thoreau is now rightly hailed as one of the great thinkers of the nineteenth century, so, surely, will Coton be hailed in generations to come for this brave and noble experiment.

I say 10 players. However, full credit to arch-reductionist Safwan "Descartes" Akram, the vital force who brought us "I hit therefore I am", who helped us to explore even more reduced circumstances by missing the A505 exit off the M11 and ending up in Bishops Stortford, ensuring that the first 8 overs in the field were accomplished with only 9 men (and boys).

Those initial 8 overs produced one success, a catch behind by free-thinking Alastair "John Locke" Breward off Dan "Spinoza" Garson, and a gentle flow of runs through the thinly guarded outfield. Alastair's liberal tendencies were all-too-evident as he freely allowed an edge off Matthew "Bertrand Russell" Chandler to tumble to the waiting earth. Matt, who was engaged in a fascinating project to calculate the dimensions of a cricket pitch by bowling balls of every mathematically possible length onto it, was similarly denied by debutant tree surgeon Dominic "Heidegger" Hughes running in from point. How crucial would those two misses be?

The tide was turned by the tall and elegant Richard "Rousseau" Allison, who introduced the radical philosophy of bowling straight at the stumps, founding a new school which took as its motto, "you miss, I hit". Three Waldenites obligingly did miss, and a fourth equally obligingly spooned a catch to recent arrival Safwan at mid off, to give Richard another jug-avoidingly irritating 4-wicket haul. Not to be too much outdone, the not so tall, nor so elegant David "Hume" Scotcher, operating from the other end, winkled out one batsman with a straight'un and had another snaffled (diving, one-handed, so it is claimed) at short midwicket by Gabriel "Diogenes" Fox, to leave the opposition reeling at a hundred and a little for eight. Youthful Cameron "Joe Root" Black, too young to be a philosopher but having all the hallmarks of a star of the future, then entered the attack and promptly hit the top of off stump with a jaffa. The last pair, however, took a highly measured and responsible approach and mounted an Agar-and-Hughes-like rearguard action to stick another 20-odd onto the total, ending at 132-9 after the 40 overs. How crucial would those extra runs be?

Not for the first time this season, Mr Extras contributed handsomely, with the second-to-top score of 26, 18 of them being wides. How crucial would those wides be?

The Walden bowling was led by a young man named Lehman, who was rather more successful than his namesake Darren, the (not for much longer) Aussie head coach. He and his opening partner bowled "line-an-lenth" to give Fox and Breward precious little to hit. While the ultra-ascetic Dr Fox is never more comfortable than with no runs on the board after 6 overs, this was unfamiliar territory for his more liberal opening partner, who played over a Lehman ball in his haste to get the scoreboard moving. Mr Lehman's next over proved perhaps the turning point of the match, as straight deliveries, with a touch of outswing, rearranged the furniture of Messrs Fox, Hughes and Garson in the space of 5 balls. At 8-4, a previously highly achievable target was suddenly looking daunting. Full credit then to the recently arrived Safwan and his accomplice Matt who steadied the ship and began to turn it around. A change of bowling brought a hail of fours and sixes and the score began to climb rapidly towards 50. Meanwhile, at the other end, Matt did not get out, which was a significant advance over those who went before. Alas, with 56 on the board, Matt went chasing a rather wide ball down the leg side, aborted the stroke but left the bat in the way and presented a catch to a grateful keeper. Cameron kept Safwan company for another 15 runs, before playing over a straight one, while Richard hung about long enough to see another 13 battered onto the score, as Safwan passed his half-century. At 84-7, with Safwan still firing, it was still anyone's game. Cue a masterful innings from the immovable Dave Scotcher, who breathed life into Thomas Aquinas's ancient omnipotence paradox ("can God create a lump so heavy that He cannot move it?"). With an almost arrogant dismissiveness, he skilfully left anything remotely outside off stump (including one so close to off stump that it threatened to dislodge the bail through air turbulence), solidly blocked anything on the stumps and casually swatted away anything on the leg side for either one or four.  As 10, 20, 25 runs alternately flew and crept onto the score, the Walden fielders grew increasingly tetchy. "That's not batting", they chuntered, at the sight of a large bear-like creature watching the ball fly once more unchallenged past the off stump. Then disaster. Safwan, whose philosophy of running usually epitomises the spartan ethos of the team (ie do it as little as possible), elected to take on a second run to the young man whose accurate right arm had already despatched most of the top order during his first bowling spell. 111-8 and still 22 needed. The last man in, the baby of the team, Patrick "the Kid" Butterfield, in his first senior match (other than a fielding stint a few weeks back) - could he and Scotch see it through? Could Coton match the Waldenites stubborn last-wicket resistance? Could the partial team of philosophers, embracing the wilderness in all its austere beauty, carry the day?

No.

Patrick batted quite well for two balls but was out on the third and the day was lost. How crucial were those dropped catches, wides, last wicket Walden runs, careless strokes to straight deliveries, suicidal second runs? Could we, with a full eleven throughout, have saved ten or fifteen runs in the field and scored ten or fifteen more ourselves? As robust epistemologists, we eschew answering such hypothetical questions. We are interested only in the essential facts of life not the unanswerable what-ifs of hedonistic milquetoasts.

And so we are deposed from top spot and sent crashing to mid-table (6th). But with about 0.5 points between 6th and 2nd, the path to the top is not yet closed to us. Next week we entertain 5th placed Shelford and hope, after appropriate reflection, to field a less numerically challenged eleven.