Wild, Wild West (Cambridge)

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Do you ever have that experience where someone tells you one thing, but your brain hears another?  And then no matter how hard you try you can't shake the original thought, even though you know it wrong?   No?  Must just be me then, and what follows may not make much sense.

Last Saturday Sheriff Wyatt "Matt" Earp rounded up the most unlikely looking posse in history and we road into Boot Hill looking for a cricket match.  Following the Sheriff and duly deputized, were: Doc Holliday; The Preacher; Billy the Kid; Ned Kelly (visiting from Australia via the Zoology department); Butch Cassidy, The Sundance Kid; Blondie; Tuco; Angel Eyes; and Judge Roy Bean (the law west of the Gog Magogs).

Sheriff Earp finished the last of his cigarette and strolled out to face the leader of the Boot Hill Gang, mano a mano.  It was the appointed hour of high one-thirty (noon would have sounded better).

"Call" said the opposing captain.

Sheriff Earp considered shooting the spinning 10p from the sky, but then considered what a total prat he would look if he missed.

"Tails."

"Tails it is."

"We'll have a bat".

And so it began.  The showdown at the Tesco Superstore Coral.

Butch "David" Cassidy and Billy (Bobby) the Kid were first up, and we made a steady start punctuated with the odd boundary.  By now my contact had realized that he was in fact in Bar Hill, not Boot Hill (but the music from "Il Buono, It Brutto, Il Cattivo" kept playing in his head) .  The ground is so named as it has a fair slope running from one end to the other, and a bar (a very good one some of us discovered).  Bar Hill only had nine on the field, but you somehow got the impression that we could hit the ball straight to fielders even if there weren't any.  We had made it into the twenties when Judge Roy "Rob" Bean put the curse on Cassidy stating that he only needed another 6 to make it to 100 not out (adding last week's score to this).  So Cassidy missed a straight ball and took a blow to the stumps.  Doc "Fox" Holliday missed the next delivery, which was also straight, and was palpably leg before wicket.  Adam "Blondie" Bradbury saw off the hat trick ball, and with Bobby the Kid built a good third wicket partnership.

There was some fine stroke play, some quick running and the score started to accelerate.  It was clear now that Bar Hill had one accurate bowler, and a supporting cast of extras that were as likely to hit something as an extra in a Hollywood movie.  

It was therefore surprising when Blondie was bowled, and Ned Kelly swept a ball straight to one of the scattered fielders.   Alas it was the one that could catch.

Judge Rob Bean has been nagging the captain for a chance to bat all season.  This was it.  Was it worth it?   Well, no.  Despite his batting prowess, and looking every bit a solid opener, Bobby the Kid needs lessons in how to call for runs.  Judge Rob may claim that he thought quickly and sacrificed his wicket to save the better batsman in the running mix-up.  In reality he is too slow and was beaten by a direct through (the ball had gone to the fielder that could through straight).  The Preacher now took strike.  

[Fun aside, The Preacher is the name of Clint Eastwood's character in "Pale Rider", a movie in which the lead female character is called Sarah Wheeler...].

Bobby the Kid also succumbed to Bar Hill's accurate bowler, bringing the Sheriff in to join The Preacher.  Together they took a very unpromising 78-6 to 150 before being parted.  The Preacher, realizing that he was on 47, and that he hadn't brought enough cash for a jug took one on the toe to break the partnership.  Tuco now joined the Sheriff.  Bar Hill had obviously seen him bat and brought all their fielders into a close ring but Tuco defied expectations by hitting a boundary.  The score continued to advance before Tuco tried a big swing and was bowled.  This brought in Angel Eyes who accompanied the Sheriff to the last ball when the former was run out going for a dodgy second.  This left the Sheriff - who had been cleverly avoiding the strike for some overs - stranded on 46 not out.

We had reached 194-9 in our 40 overs, a challenging total on a slowish pitch.

The Sundance Kid quietly cleaned his pistols.

After an excellent tea (and resisting the temptation of the Woodforde's Once Bittern on the bar) we resumed hostilities against the 9 men and 1 woman of Bar Hill (and additional player having arrived at the break).

Ned Kelly had a chance to make amends for his earlier batting mistake and opened with the Sheriff taking the other end.   Both were accurate - much to the relief of the Judge behind the stumps.  It was Ned that made the breakthrough, splaying the stumps of the opening bat.   The next ball brought a rather streaky single, but then the other Bar Hill opener nicked one through to the Judge and we had them at 4-2.  A caught behind is rather a rarity for Coton.

Ned Kelly bowled accurately and hostilely.  There was a beamer that the batsman did well to avoid and the Judge took baseball catcher style followed by three short of length deliveries.   That batsman - one of only two to reach double figures - played these by turning his head away, holding his bat out and dollying up catches to close fielders who weren't there.

The Sheriff had bowled well without reward, and now asked The Sundance Kid to step into the firing line.  The latter soon took joined the party with a great ball that moved in and took off stump.  Ned Kelly rattled the timbers again and The Sundance Kid made way for Blondie.  The latter showed that he his adding more control, and more variations, to accompany the turn that his wrist spin had always generated.  

Bar Hill reached half way on a stuttering 48-5, Blondie having pitched one on leg that spun past the outside edge to clip off.  As a team we did an excellent collective job of not shouting "bowling, Shane" at every opportunity (Shane Warne that is, not the one in the Alan Ladd movie).  Ned Kelly had bowled through, with the excellent figures of 10-1-16-3.  I would say these were Scotch-like, but Ned isn't half the man that Dave is.   Literally.  

The rest of the innings featured a procession of Bar Hill batsmen failing to play Blondie's bowling with any conviction whatsoever and he proceeded to hit the stumps three more times.   With Ned Kelly's spell complete, The Preacher and then Angel Eyes were bowling from the other end to Blondie.  Angel Eyes has a fearsome run up, followed by a fairly gentle delivery.  But in his first bowl for Coton, he too hit the stumps and without an 11th player Bar Hill had subsided to 70 all out (top scorer, the reliable Mr Extras).  Blondie thus became the third member of the Coton Posse to avoid buying a jug, finishing with 5.2-1-10-4 and being denied a fifth wicket only by a lack of batsman.

It was a comprehensive win against a team that have struggled all season and are bottom of the league.  A good team performance with contributions from the bat up and down the order and excellent bowling by all those called upon.  We didn't have too much fielding to do.  Eight of the wickets were bowled, with just the one catch.

It leaves us 4th with 2 games to play.  The maths are simple: win them both, we finish 2nd.  Lose either, or lose one or more to the weather, we don't.  Yee ha!