Omne trium perfectum - Coton 2nd Secure 2nd place

So many  things come in threes: wishes, Stooges, bears, blind mice, billy goats gruff, degrees, wise men, Bronte Sisters...  The list goes on, but you get the idea.  This season we have added to that list with Bradburies and Jarvises.  Now we have Elmeses and Dominics.  We are deep into holiday season which is denuding us of many players.  It was only down to frantic and persistent chasing (& begging, cajoling and threatening) by Ross and others that we were able to field a full 2nd XI versus Wilburton last weekend.  We'll overlook for the moment that one person turned up at the wrong game, and our 11th man didn't arrive until after tea and then wasn't required to bat, so effectively it was won by 10.  Wilburton had similarly been forced into scraping the bottom of the barrel and calling in many favours to raise 11.

We had debutantes in Stuart Elmes (chief cricket skill "being father to Bobby and Bertie")  and Dominic Murphy (one third of the Dominic Trio, joined by Messrs Fox and Hughes).  Along with our two prials the team comprised Ross, Rob, John Hartwright, Paolo and the The Late John Bason.  Rob had a new theory: he was now happy that George had given up cricket at a young age, as unlike many members of the club he could not be embarrassed by being outperformed by his offspring.  (Editor's note: despite him not playing cricket, Rob's son is probably a better player anyway.)

Ross lost the toss and Wilburton batted on what wa probably the warmest day of summer so far.  We took the field with 9 (Dominic H and John B being later) and Paolo started up with a maiden that included trimming the bails of the first Wilburton opener.  This was the first over of what ended up being two great spells by Paolo who finished with 3-14 from 10 overs of sustained accuracy.  However, proving that bad balls take wickets, his 2nd victim obligingly edged a short wide delivery to John H. at slip.  Simultaneously with ball being pouched the umpire was calling wide (which was rescinded): that tells you all you need to know about the delivery.  At the other end, Bobby Elmes didn't have such a good start, his first two deliveries being dispatched for boundaries.  He was yanked after 2 overs and Ross took over for a very steady spell.  It only yielded one wicket, but that doesn't tell the story of how often the ball was in the air and how often the bat was beaten.

It was round about this point that Pete turned up. Unfortunately he wasn't on the team sheet and was expected by the 1st XI at Coton.

With Paolo taking an enforced break, Bobby came back for a 2nd spell.  This was much more demanding than the first and progress was slow, although wickets were in short supply.  Dominic Fox took over from Ross and bowled 4 very tidy overs which yielded 2-7.   Rob was brought on to replace Bobby, and with his 2nd ball once again added weight (a lot of weight) to the "bad balls take wickets" theory.  A rank full toss had just enough movement in the air to evade the bat and crash into the stumps.  In many ways this was like a baseball pitch getting a strike.  Something else which comes in threes.  The next batsman took a liking to Rob's bowling and 10 came from the over.  

Rob's next over was similar: 9 runs, and another wicket, this time from one that did pitch and swung past a defensive prod.  Two wickets in two overs wasn't good enough and Paolo came back for a 2nd spell.  This yielded a 3rd wicket and a run out.  The run out was a father/son combo between Stuart and Bertie Elmes.  Bertie kept very tidily throughout.  There was a debate over what the collective noun for 3 Elmeses should be.  A copse, perhaps, or maybe they constitute a thicket.  

Paolo completed his allocation of overs and Rob came back for another go.  On his 2nd delivery the Wilburton number 11 top edged high into the air.  Rob got underneath the ball, waited for someone else to call, realised that no-one would and completed the catch to complete a spell of 3-19.  Wilburton were 86 all out in just over 30 overs. 

It soon transpired that Wilburton's strength was their bowling: their opening bowlers put our openers - John and Bobby - under a lot of pressure with testing bowling.  First ball up, John was hit on the pads in front of the stumps.  There was an appeal that could only be described as "impassioned" but it left the umpire unmoved.  John had two big advantages in being tall (he gets a big stride in) and left handed.  The latter means that many balls that would have a right-hander LBW are negated by pitching outside leg stump.

In the 2nd over John managed to hit a ball for a couple of runs.  The bat gave that horrible "cracked" noise and a new one was needed.  This was somewhat surprising, given how rarely he used the bat.  It was more likely that he would needed new pads with the ball had worn away a bare spot through successive strikes.  The appeals ranged from optimistic through histrionic with a patient umpire explaining the laws of cricket - and geometry - to the bowler after each delivery. 

Bobby had looked scratchy, and was the first to go dragging a ball on to his stumps from one that moved back a bit from outside off.  Dominic Murphy was strangled down the legside without scoring later that over.

Meanwhile at the other end John continued to eschew the use of the bat and tormented the bowlers by knowing just where to put his pads to avoid an unfavourable decision.  He had been joined by the 2nd member of the Dominican Brotherhood, Mr Hughes.  Dominic H played in his idiosyncratic style, removing one hand from the bat in the act of playing the shot.  The lead to a good deal of chit-chat from behind the stumps from a wicketkeeper who was friendly if a little bit of a pain in the neck.  

The bowlers resorted to coming around the wicket to John.  He continued to favour the pad over the bat, and now it his long stride that helped him out.  He finally ran out of luck, a ball striking him in front of off stump and straightening enough that it would have hit leg or middle-and-leg (in the umpire's opinion at least, if not John's).  Bertie Elmes was unlucky to get the ball of the day first up, and lost his off stump.

Shortly thereafter, Dominic lofted a shot to mid-off who held on after a juggle.  All talk of 86 being an easy target ceased: we were 15-5.  John Bason had now turned up and was available to bat if needed.  He wasn't, which preempted any possible objections from the opposition captain.  (This came up in "Ask The Umpire" recently.  The official response was "If a player's name was on the team sheet when captains nominated their teams at the toss, there can be no objection from the fielding captain as to where he bats, even though he has arrived late at the ground.")

As I was saying, it was a non-issue.  Paolo and Ross were now batting.  Following on from their century partnership a few weeks back they saw us home with lots of time to spare and very few alarms.  Paolo was the more fluent, coming forward to dispatch the bowlers over mid-off or mid-on on several occasions.  Ross was struggling with an arm injury, but even so managed a huge six over square leg.  The target dissolved rapidly.  Paolo attempted to return the favour that resulted in his second wicket by chasing a wide: this time the edge evaded the fielders.


We got home with about 20 overs left and 5 wickets standing: 87-5 with Paolo 35 not out and Ross 25.  This win - combined with the CCA awarding us the game against Girton - means we have - most likely - finished second.  We can only catch Bar Hill and take first if we win and they lose with no more than 1 bonus point.  Girton can't overtake us.  Promotion (*) at the first attempt is a fine results for the junior players, and the occasional old lag that have made up the XI.  

One more game remains - against Barrington this coming weekend.

(*) assuming the league isn't restructured again.

Leader's unbeaten run broken: Coton 2nds triumph at Bar Hill

"Feisty" is the word that I would choose to described the 1st meeting of the season between Bar Hill and Coton 2nds.  Last season, the hosts had folded their 1st XI as they struggled to field two teams so were starting again from the bottom of the league structure.  This meant they had some players that were obviously capable of playing in a much higher standard.  Thus they arrived at the season mid-point with 5 wins out of 5 & one cancellation.

Bar Hill have a ground that slopes considerably from one end to the other and is eccentrically asymmetrical.  They also have a fine sports and social club that servers a nice drop of ale.

Coton arrived with 5 wins out of 8 pending the appeal against one of the results.  Ross was happy to lose the toss and have the decision on what to do taken out of his hands.  We were invited to bat first and were soon in deep trouble.

Pete Jarvis and Oliver Bradbury opened, the former got off the mark with a 3.  Oli then played the ball straight to square leg: Pete called for the run and rightly got sent back.  While he and Oli debated the rights and wrongs of this at one end of the pitch the ball was returned to the bowler and we were 3-1.  3-1 became 4-2.  The other Bar Hill opening bowler - probably the quickest we have seen this season, and also probably the best - bowled a wide, followed by one that broke through the surface and jumped alarmingly followed by one that clipped Ed Wheeler's bails.  

This brought Ross to the wicket and then fun started.  Within a few balls there had been two loud and enthusiastic shouts for LBW.  Neither were out, both warranted a torrent of abuse and chirping at Rob (if only they knew that he was one of the most likely umpires to give a decision).  Ross continued to give Bar Hill cause to whine as several more LBW appeals were turned down (127 by my reckoning).  Not a one of them were out Ross invariably had a big stride and got outside the line.  It didn't stop them from continuing to mouth off at the umpire.  

The score was rising quite quickly.  Both Ross and Oli were finding the boundary and despite some dodgy running were playing us back into the game.  The halfway point was reached without further loss of wickets despite their being an appeal every other ball.  In between these there were a couple of dropped chances that ranged between hard and so easy that my granny could have caught them whilst trimming rhubarb.  

The two opening bowlers had retired from the attack to fester in the field (and continue appealing).  The replacements still had us on our toes as there was quite a bit of movement and variable bounce.  As it often does, the drinks break triggered a wicket.  Oli feathered one behind and walked immediately.  For those unfamiliar with the concept it's called "playing in the spirit of the game".  Together Ross and Oli had added 99, Oli's contribution being 32.  From 103-3 the rest became a bit of a procession and we subsided to 160 all out.  Ross continued on his merry way before taking a tired looking swipe to be dismissed for 82.  Nick Brealey and Bertie Elmes played some nice shots before perishing.  In the midst of this the Bar Hill team took to abusing Oli who, umpiring at square leg, rightly turned down a run out.  The others came and went culminating in a 1st ball duck for Rob.  Ironically, after turning down so many appeals, he was LBW.  See what happens when you actually bowl one straight?   You get a decision in your favour.

Tea was taken and lacked a vital ingredient.  Tea.  There were a shed load of sandwiches however.

We took the field.  It soon transpired that their two best bowlers were their two best batsmen.  They got off to a rapid start and were 85-1 after just 15 overs.  The ball was flying to all parts: not slogging, well struck cricket shots. Oli and Edward had opened the bowling but Ross proactively rang the changes looking for the breakthrough.  He brought himself on at one end which slowed the scoring down and tried Andy and Rob at the other.  Despite some near misses it didn't slow things down until the first of the opening bowler/batsmen launched one high into the air.  Edward positioned himself under the ball, then decided he had enough time to nip down to Tesco for a soda, before returning to the field and taking the catch.

This brought the second bowler/batsman in and he took over from where the other had left off.  The score accelerated again.  The other opening bat was just hanging on without scoring too many.

It all turned around when Nick came on to bowl.  The ball was launched towards the deep cover boundary.  Oli ran in and swooping low took a fine catch on the move.  We got the impression that the batsman was angry as he proceeded to demolish the stumps at the bowlers end with his bat and let loose a stream of expletives.  Its the sort of thing that would lose a professional a large percentage of his match fee. 

It soon became apparent that Bar Hill had a lot riding on those two players as the innings then subsided.  Ross was in the middle of one of his patented probing spells and the pressure built up.  At the other end Oli and Edward were equally effective.  Ross was switching the field between attacking and defending causing the Bar Hill batsmen to think.  The required run rate climbed, wickets fell and the batsman became increasingly anxious.  Ross bowled out his 10 overs, finishing with 3-26.  It was now down to the youngsters - Oli, Edward and Dominic.  Oli bowled fast and straight in short bursts.  His figures had taken some stick in the first spell against the 2 players in the opposition team.  His later spells didn't and he ended with 3-30.  Edward bowled four overs for just seven runs and although wicketless this economy pushed the scoring rate up to over a run a ball.  

Dominic returned to the attack and was no balled first ball.  We all looked confused: was it and overstep or a throw?  Neither.  The umpire claimed that as Dominic hadn't informed what he was going to bowl, it was a no-ball.  Our resident rules geek - Rob - thought this was wrong, that the onus was on the umpire to ascertain the action not the bowler's to volunteer it.  Not wanting to get into another bout of verbal jousting he kept his peace.  It turns out Rob was right -- we'll have to see what happens in the return fixture.  

Anyway, it didn't phase Dominic who ended with 2-22.  

With 15 now needed off two overs, the final wicket was a neat bookend to the match.  We had started our innings with a run-out and we ended theirs with one.  The not-quite-as-bad-as-the-other-guy tailender tried to farm the strike and was run out by a very calm return back to Bertie Elmes who did the rest.  9 wickets had fallen for 61 and Bar Hill were 14 short.

There was just time for their stroppy players to have another hissy fit and didn't mix for a drink in their very nice social club.  I wonder if they have some Australian connections?  We get to do it all again next week.  I can't wait to renew acquaintences with Bar Hill's charming players.

Coton retain the Ashes, beating Coton (a moral victory for The Codgers)

Saturday July 4th.  While our colonial brethren celebrated independence, the Coton Codgers took on the young whippersnappers of the "Co-Teens" in a game of cricket.  At stake: the Coton Ashes, family bragging rights, parental dignity and much, much more.

The secret cricketer has been notable mostly for his absence in the last few weeks.  As some of the codgers prepared the pitch for the game (another tactic by the juniors -- make the old guys do the work and they will be too tired to play) there was a rustling in the bushes.  An old figure in shabby cricket whites was spotted.

"Can you lend me £4 for a pint?" he said.

"Four pounds?" came the disbelieving reply.

"Yes, you obviously haven't been in The Plough recently".

Lured from his lair by the promise of a beer and a burger The Secret Cricketer agreed to join The Codgers meaning that they lined up with 13 (only 11 on the field at any time) against 11 juniors.

Ross read out the playing conditions to the teams.  When he mentioned "retire on 30" several of the Codgers indicated that they wished they had, only it was 20 years to late.  Eventually everyone pretended to understand so we could get started before nightfall.

The Codgers got first use of the wicket lead by their skipper John Hartwright.  There was a return to cricket after 15 years away for former player Andy Whitmore and a batting line up that ranged from "just past their prime" to "totally decrepit".  Jenny worked out how to fit 13 batsmen into 11 spaces in the score book (hint, Rob's scores wont take up too much space) and then faced a similar challenge with 10 bowlers in 8 spaces.

Ross decided to avoid any embarrassment on the playing front by umpiring whilst simultaneously coaching.


And it started.  Right from the outset it became apparent that (a) the Co-teens had 10 players who all knew how to bowl (and Bertie Elmes would have made 11 had he been let out from behind the stumps).  A procession of elderly "gentlemen" made their way to the wicket and made steady progress against Paolo, Patrick, Bobby, Tom, Toby, Toby, Dominic, Hannah, Adam and Oliver.  Some of the gentlemen retired, others dismissed.  Individual details fade.  Gabriel gallantly ran himself out taking a quick single to Paolo.  Paolo unsportingly (a) didn't fumble the ball and (b) hit the stumps directly, neither of which are familiar concepts to The Codgers.  Gabriel's attempts to convince that his runout was to either accelerate the scoring rate or allowed him to get the barbecue heated up didn't find sympathetic ears.

Paul Bradbury manged to edge one to slip where he was put down by a leaping Adam Bradbury.  We wondered how much he owed his son for that let-off, an XBOX, perhaps?  At the drinks break that followed shortly afterwards, Paul suggested the age old cliche "if you are going flash, flash hard".  That he had lowered his trousers to adjust his thigh-guard at this precise moment was a little worrying.

John Bason was bemused and beaten by Hannah Sirringhaus.  The need to get everyone a bat meant that "retired out" happened more and more quickly, reaching a crescendo when Rob retired in the process of taking guard.  The highlight of the death overs was Scotch taking three successive fours off Paolo, one of which almost resembled a cricket shot.

The seniors limped, wheezed, staggered and groaned their way to 149 in their 28 overs.

The BBQ was ready and a large mound of sausages and burgers consumed in honour of the US Independence Day.  Shame there were no fireworks in the cricket that had preceded it.

The Co-teens reply was hampered by it being past Patrick's and Hannah's bed times (or perhaps they had a school concert).  They were allowed to have 2 of their 11 get 2nd lives in the batting to give them a full 11.  The Codgers opening bowlers were David "Methusalah" Scotcher and Rob "Jared" Kaye.  Before the start of the innings, Ross had told the Juniors repeatedly not to hit the ball near Andy "Bucket Hands" Whitmore.  Did they listen?  They did not.  Andy took a smart catch at cover to remove Adam in Rob's first over.  In the next over he missed a hard chance off Scotch: despite being away from the game for so long, Andy had apparently got the message that you have to drop the ball off Scotch's bowling.

After 2 overs, Rob was relieved by a substitute fielder.  This idea of having more than 11 players could catch on for the Codgers.  Unfortunately the new fielder wasn't in the Gary Pratt class.

The juniors, led by Bobby Elmes and Paolo made steady progress against a wildly varied Codger bowling attack.  Andy Whitmore rolled back the years with some good overs, Gaurav, Pete Jarvis, John Hartwright and Matt Chandler provided some variety. Paul Bradbury bowled his obligatory overs before switching John Bason who emerged from behind the stumps to do his Paul Adams impersonation.

The scores got closer.  Nick Brealey bowled some accurate overs and the Co-teens were down to their last two batsmen.  They just happened to be their two post experienced and - arguably - best: Bobby (who had retired earlier) and Adam (who had won the "bat twice" lottery.

John called on his two most experienced campaigners, Scotch and Rob.  The gap in the scores slowly narrowed.  The penultimate over arrived with the Juniors on 147-9.  Three to win, two to tie.  Rob rumbled up and Bobby smashed it straight and true.  A little too straight as it turned out as it flew into middle stump at the bowler's end.  The next ball was dispatched for two to bring the scores level.  This was followed by two balls that went through to the keeper.  The penultimate ball of the over was knocked back in the direction of Rob who held on to a fairly simple caught and bowled to bring the match to a conclusion with the scores tied.  

Adam - remembering Ross's rules lecture from four hours earlier - tried to argue the case that he should bat on.  But Ross brought into play rule 6.2, clause (a), paragraph (ii) that this did not apply with batsmen getting a 2nd chance.  So, we had an honorable tie, or did we?  Jenny checked the book and declared that yes indeed the scores were level.

Given the athleticism and ability of the Co-teens, which was probably worth forty or more runs in the field, a tie could be a regarded as a moral victory for the Codgers.  But what about the guile and experience of those older cricketers?  Surely that would balance the energy and enthusiasm, you ask?   Well, almost, but not quite.  Perhaps it would have if one of the Co-teens wrote the report, but they didn't.  

The secret cricketer retired to the bushes and the rest of gathered around some cold sausages and cold beers.  It was then that the Gilbert and Sullivan society started their rendition of one of the duo's lesser known works: The Cricketers of Coton, the highlight being the aria "You don't take one to Paolo".  

There's a rumour that there may be a rematch.  The scary thing is the Codgers will all be one year older and one year less fit.  The Co-teens will also be one year older, but in their case, one year better.

May the force be with you, Coton 2nds versus Wilburton 2nds

After the disappointment of the previous week's cancellation, Coton II welcomed Wilburton to The Rec.  In the absence of Ross, glory hunting at Wembley, Rob took the reins as captain (Ross had done all the hard work of getting 11 players out).  The team had the now typical mix of veterans (3)and teenagers (8).  There was a debut for Toby Smith the latest player to make the step up from the juniors.  This lead to confusion later whenever Rob tried to change the field.  He would always have Toby Johnson and Toby Smith running to the same position.

I'll start by saying that there are many positives in having all the juniors in the team: they are fit, skilful and responsive.  On the downside they don't buy jugs (but it does mean rounds are cheaper...)

We won the toss and decided that the youthful squad would be more comfortable setting a target than chasing. The team gathered around Rob to hear his sage words: "win the game we will, if bat well you do" he intoned (yes, it was somewhat like the Jedi master teaching his younglings).  Leaving Paul and Gabriel to organize the sidelines, Rob went out umpire reflecting that the aggregate age of the four youngest team members was less than his own.  40 overs later, he came back, batting skills unneeded once more. 

We opened with Bobby and Cameron: two of the more experienced youngsters.  They made steady progress against some reasonable bowling until Cameron (19) was bowled by the opposition captain.  This brought Oliver (18) to the wicket and he unleashed some excellent drives before playing around a straight ball.  The bowler was left arm over, and getting quite a lot of movement back in to our right handed batsmen.  The score was 71-2 in 15 overs.  There was lots of quick running between the wickets punctuated by the occasional boundary.

Patrick was next in.  The opposition had found a bowler that could exploit the ridge at the footpath end and he made the ball jump disconcertingly at Patrick several times.  But the latter hung in there and scored runs - frenetically - while Bobby moved serenely along at the other end.  They made it to the halfway point together, the score being 107-2.  Time to kick on.  

Patrick (18) eventually got bowled by the opposition skipper, and Gabriel (1) didn't last too long before being trapped in front by the same bowler.  We were now 141-4 and the innings was showing signs of subsiding.  Bobby stayed calm, however and was celebrating a studied half century.  He was joined by Dominic Fox who proved again that the club does have someone called Fox with cricket ability.  He was scratchy at first but having survived, be prospered.  Bobby was accelerating and twice hit back-to-back boundaries.  One was within inches of being a maximum.  In total, he found the boundary 14 times.  

Bobby and Dominic saw the 40 overs out with a minimum of anxiety.  A couple of overs from the end Bobby passed the landmark of his first century in senior cricket.  He was broadly congratulated by both teams.  

The innings closed on 228-4 with Bobby 110 not out and Dominic 23 not out.  Paul Bradbury had been due in next and sat throughout tea (thanks Mr Fox and family!) in his pads.  It was as if he was still expecting a bat ... perhaps with the opposition.

After tea, it was time to defend what was easily the biggest score on the Rec this season: if we could defend 45 (as we had done a few weeks earlier) surely 228 was achievable?  For a few overs it looked like it might not be.  Patrick and Toby Johnson opened the bowling, but the opposition skipper took them on despite some steady, straight deliveries.  A belligerent southpaw, the batsman twice deposited Patrick for 6 over midwicket, albeit that the ball was in Oliver's hands the second time.  it was time for change.  Oliver replaced Patrick and the skipper decided to take responsibility and brought himself on.  One was fast and hostile (if a little wayward), the other slow and taunting: you will need to work out which was which.

They had reached 65 in the 11th over when Oliver produced an unplayable yorker that castled the threatening lefty.  A couple of overs later, Rob trapped the other opener in front.  Rob was finding his traditional wobble, and supplemented that by getting considerable lateral movement with the ball.  In his next over, he struck again.  The batsman edged, Cameron dropped the catch but in between two the bails had fallen off.  The bowler's end umpire wasn't going to give but after consulting square leg it was confirmed: bails first, gloves second and off went the batsman.  

In Rob's next over it got even better.  The first and fifth balls were both chipped to Toby Johnson at mid-on.  The first catch was comfortable, the second less so.  Toby and Gabriel converged on the ball, Gabriel called but Toby took the catch, only to be rugby tackled by Gabriel a moment later.  Toby held on.  (CWO, please have a word with Gabriel about this!).

It could have been even better the next ball, which beat the bat and passed over the top of middle stump, missing the bails by a hairsbreadth.  With 4-15 in 5 overs, Rob took himself off: jug avoidance?   Well no, actually, Rob had told Toby Smith to get ready to bowl the first over after the drinks break from that end.  With two wickets falling in the 18th over, we took drinks after the second wicket.  After Dominic bowled the 19th, Rob was getting ready to bowl the 20th but found Toby already marking his run up.  

Dominic bowled three overs (2-7) of tight inswing, claiming two wickets.  The first was caught by Cameron - who had a fine game behind the stumps - the second clean bowled.  In between there was a run-out in Toby (S)'s first over and that 65-1 had become 94-8.  Toby bowled four very tidy overs for just nine runs, but with wickets running out Rob juggled his resources again.  Bertie Elmes came on to bowl 5 overs of offspin.  Neither he or Toby S got the wicket they deserved.  They were beating the bat regularly and the ball was in air half or dozen times or more but always short or between fielders.  Bobby had a quick burst without luck and the 9th wicket partnership was only broken by one of the opposition having to leave and so be "retired - out".  Rob was getting thirsty so decided to end things by bringing back the opening bowlers, and Toby J obliged by bowling the number 11.  They ended up on 125, just over 100 runs behind. 

A comprehensive win, built around Bobby's 110 with solid contributions from 4 other juniors (and a single from Gabriel).  In the field we were enthusiastic and solid, Toby J's two catches being the highlight.  Rob lead the bowling with his first 4-for since 2009.  He was ably assisted by 7 of the 8 teenagers.  There were first spells in league cricket for Toby Smith (4-0-8-0) and Bertie (5-1-11-0) which deserved wickets, but the pick was Dominic (3-1-7-2).  

The win puts us 2nd behind the unbeaten Bar Hill.  We play them back to back in July.  Let's hope that is for the league leadership.

Come in number 9, your time is up

Conversation overheard in a pub in the Cambridge area, 9 May 2015:-

A Coton Mystery Match Report Writer:-  Well, we got away with that not being able to identify the Coton Mystery Match Report Writer last week.  What are the chances we’ll get away with it again?

A Coton Mystery Match Report Writer:-  No problem at all.  Nobody read either report so that should be fine.

A Coton Mystery Match Report Writer:- Well, I saw that Ross and Matt were a bit short of players this week.  I told them (or was it you?) that they should tell people about the match reports then more would want to play to get a mention on these famous pages.

A Coton Mystery Match Report Writer:-  I know.  Get famous this way or Britain’s Got Talent.  We made our wise choice and we’re sticking with it.

A Coton Mystery Match Report Writer:-  And we couldn’t be happier.

A Coton Mystery Match Report Writer:-  So what’s the theme for this week’s reports?

A Coton Mystery Match Report Writer:- We won’t get away with that two chaps chatting in a pub lark again will we?

A Coton Mystery Match Report Writer:- Probably not.  Any ideas?

Someone of little significance:-  How about three chaps chatting in a pub?

So last week we were all over Over and this week we were to arrive at St Ive.... oh bugger it ends in an “s”.  It was actually St Ives 3rd XI.  They have 4 teams so there game of musical pitches is more of a challenge.  They have a very large facility and after arriving in a disorganised too many cars we were about half way there as a long journey through their pavilion brought us to our changing room.  And that is saying something as St Ives is about half an hour away by car (obeying the speed limits).  There is an argument that we should boycott any club which does not have a CB postcode.  But we like St Ives so we’ll forgive them.  If we played March the following week we might not be so charitable.

We were assured that we were in the right changing room despite the showers being designed either for people who didn’t wash hair or who were very short.  It was an odd arrangement especially considering that there was a step down into the shower to allow 9 foot tall people to shower, presumably from the waist down.  Let’s hope they didn’t have any 9 foot bowlers with clean legs and dirty torsos.  But I digress.  There is a small chance that one or two of you reading this (the full readership?) may want to know a bit about the cricket.

An opinion poll put John Bason and Adam Bradbury top of the selection list following their top scores last week.  Just like all of the opinion polls leading up to last week’s general election the exit polls showed that this was wrong.  No doubt they would have been selected but they chose not to stand in the Coton Cricket Club 1st (or 2nd) constituency this week and were duly not elected to serve a term of this Saturday afternoon.  Would this have an effect on the economy or NHS?  Possibly.  But we are talking very long term here.  Not playing this week to revise for his exams may help Adam in a future career affecting the nation.  But this week he was not going to affect the result.

Presumably to make like easier and having to change fewer names we traded one John for another (Hartright came in for Bason) and one Bradbury for another (Dadders replacing Adders).  Also Cameron came in for Gabriel, thus requiring a bit more name changing and ruining this theme.

It has been traditional to win the toss and field as there is only one new ball.  However we observed last week that Over were swinging the 40 over old ball all over the place (but mostly localised on the stumps) so we wondered whether the older ball swung more than the newer one.  So Matt maintained his winning streak, won the toss and elected to bat.  All that winter coin-tossing practise has worked wonders.  Taking into account the cross wind at St Ives (we were assured it is there most days) and coefficient of friction on a coin rotating at 340 rpm at an altitude of 1.4m and calling the correct way..... actually I have no idea of who tossed and who called.  We correspondents should probably pay more attention.  Anyway, Matt chose to bat.

Hoping to get back to last year’s statistics for the opening partnership Dave and Bobby were chosen to open the batting.  It didn’t work last week but we won so who cares?  The St Ives bowling was not as potent as the bowling of last week and they opened with two of their younger players.  Bobby took first strike to a bowler with an “interesting action”.  If they were asking for advice (which they weren’t) I think a trained coach should have a little look before any bad habits set it.  Maybe one has and all is well.  The one at the other end was probably the youngest in their team and he looks a good prospect.  He bowled more consistently than his opening partner with a lot of away swing.  The theory of the ball swinging more in the 2nd innings may have gone.  It is quite possible that it is down to the bowlers.  Who’d have thought?  What was apparent from an early stage was that the bounce was very variable.  Some kept very low and some good length balls went head high.  They bowled enough loose balls to provide run scoring opportunities so it wasn’t necessary to take chances.  The runs flowed with both Dave and Bobby hitting fours occasionally.  At least one person read last week’s match report to note that Dave is likely to be bowled by a yorker.  Luckily for Dave this one was delivered from 21 yards and not 22.  Richard’s call was loud and early.  Some charitably noted that Richard’s call probably put Dave off and that’s why he missed it.  Not so was the honest admission. 

A short while later and off the first over of the first change bowler the ball bounced and Dave got a top edge to an attempted nurdle to be caught at square leg for 33 after 12 overs with the total on 60-1.  Matt has asked for the total to be 80 after 20 overs.  I hope he wasn’t too disappointed that we may get their early.

John came in and started swinging through the arc from the word go.  He even managed to hit one or two whilst doing so.  The variable bounce was not his friend.  Bobby was finding his range by now and extras was putting is a strong contribution to the partnership.  Perhaps the thought of this 3rd contributor to the partnership put John off in a way similar to the way a runner might put a player off but John called for a single which was tight even for his long legs and he was run out.  At least it was his call.  Dadders Bradders was next in.  He and Bobby got the scoreboard ticking along nicely and then they brought on a left arm spinner and had Bobby caught for another good score – 34. 

Cameron joined Paul and after having a good look at the bowling hit a lovely 4 to follow up last week’s fine innings.  Unfortunately that was that and his wicket started something of a collapse with Anthony following next ball to a big spinning delivery (that’s what he told everyone anyway).  Paul smacked a lovely drive over the top.  A couple of blinks and the way he got out soon dispelled the vision of a Chris Gayle mirror image.  110-6.  Dominic joined Roger for a mini revival where again extras was the major contributor until there left armer got Dominic.  We bat a long way down so it was reassuring to see Richard coming in at 9 who does a good impression of a yo-yo in the batting order.  Roger was soon bowled and Matt joined Richard – 131-8.  The wise sages converging on the scorebox (yes, they have a scorebox - we have a trestle table) decided that these two needed to put on a few to give us a good total.  Scotch was the only one left wearing pads and was a bit grumpy with the wise sages and hoping for the opportunity to prove them wrong.  Matt is a generous captain and agreed that Scotch should be afforded this opportunity and provided it by being Stevens’ 6th victim.  There were plenty of overs in hand when Scotch joined Richard and they mixed wise defence with a healthy number of biffs to the boundary (including one by Scotch) and a smattering of entertaining calling mostly for (and in Richard’s case against) singles off the last balls of the over.  Having used up 38 of the 40 overs Scotch could not wait for a cup of tea any longer and was caught having combined for the 2nd highest partnership of the innings (after the opening one) of 46.

9 of us wandered off to tea in the bar (they have a bar - we have a couple of trestle tables) whilst Paul led a recount.  The bowling figures added to one total, the batting numbers gave another and the numbers ticked off another.  Our total was somewhere between 187 and 190.  As it was our doing we settled on 187.  We presented these findings to St Ives who gave the impression that starting with 1 was the problem and not ending in a 7 or 0.  Their lack of faith helped tea to go down well.

And we were off.  We took to the field with Dominic sporting a new wrist bandage.  Last week’s was white and this week it was black.  We will be accepting bets on next week’s colour.  Repeats are not permitted.  I have 25p on red. 

Anthony opened and took a little while to tune in his radar.  Matt opened at the other end was more accurate.  It wasn’t long before Anthony discovered what happens if one is aiming at the stumps and swinging in.  Clatter.  Their captain was gone.  The variable bounce made the leg side ones that bounced sit up and their number 3 pulled 3 of them to the boundary which was quite annoying really.

Matt’s straight bowling was not reaping rewards so he tried a slow one which was wider than he wanted and invited a slash through covers.  He inside edged it on to his stumps.  They say (actually we said – several times) bowl straight – you miss, I hit.  Matt ignored this advice and hit anyway.

The next wicket goes on Anthony’s end of season figures but all there agree that Bobby takes the credit.  A pull was walloped hard to square leg.  Bobby dived forward just above the edge of their artificial strip and caught a brilliant catch 3 inches off the ground.  Or Astroturf. 
Anthony had bowled a couple of beamers which was unfortunate.  The first was in one of the most entertaining sequence you’ll see.  Their number 5 (their wicket keeper) ran a sharp one soon after he got to the crease and pulled up with an injury.  Having sought and been granted Matt’s permission to have a runner (they are always fun for a while) he decided he would play out the rest of the over.  Anthony bowled a beamer which he couldn’t avoid and was hit in the chest.  He was bowled next ball and the fun of a runner was not to be.  Not this week anyway.  5 wickets down and Anthony had 4 of them.  The next beamer would have been a waist high full toss had the batsman not been their youngest and therefore shortest.  He got out of the way very well. 
Meanwhile Scotch had replaced Matt to bowl some maidens.  As per usual.  Anthony hadn’t left him many wickets to take but he did take one.  Obviously.  Bowled.  Obviously.  We’d only have dropped it otherwise.

Bobby was given an opportunity to have a bowl replacing Anthony fresh from his brilliant catch whilst Roger took over from Scotch whose figures were a ridiculous 6-3-5-1.  Bobby’s first over was a bit wayward but he soon settled down.  After a few overs where it looked like they were playing for the draw their young lad finally hit one hard but straight to Dave at midwicket who had 3 goes at catching it before finally taking the catch.  A deserved wicket for Bobby. 

Bobby resumed his place at square leg when Richard came on to bowl.  After a few overs of nudging the odd single here and there the number 9 and top scorer (like our number 9) clipped a full toss to Bobby who is now our safest pair of hands in the field.  Noting the success of a full toss Richard bowled another one to their number 10 did exactly the same thing.  9 down and Matt brought the field in for the hat-trick ball.  All apart from Bobby who remained in his position of honour at square leg.  Richard made a catastrophic misjudgement and pitched the ball so of course it did not take a wicket.

However, in his following over he did mop up the number 11 and they made a total of 80.  They were right not to worry about those 3 missing runs.  Our scorers were relieved.
A good all round bowling performance with everyone in the wickets apart from Roger.  Well, what do you expect if you don’t bowl leg stump full tosses?  At least he was economical and was very close.  Judging by Cameron’s contortions a few moved too far to hit the stumps.

Scotch tried to convince Richard that his 3 wickets were more than half a jug and 43 not out the other half.  Richard wasn’t having it.  I don’t blame him.  Maybe a team jug then?

We’re still top of the table!

The Coton Cyclone

12:30pm, Saturday the 9th May.  A lone figure paints the lines on pitch #2 as the rain clouds gather and the rain falls.  Not the best of portents for Coton 2nd XI's first home game.  The players gather and they are put to work by Ross putting out the boundary ropes and tidying the pavilion.  

As 1:30 approaches, the rain eases and remarkably we start on time.  There are three first timers this week: Bertie "brother of Bobby" Elmes, Peter "father of Tom" Jarvis, and Jim Johnson (no relatives in the senior teams, but two offspring in the juniors).  Another by-product of the junior coaching programme is the pool of fathers (and possibly mothers) that can be cajoled into playing.  We await the debuts of Helen, Ginny and Vivien Bradbury.

Barrington 2nds won the toss.  On the basis that we had scored 250 batting first last week, they put is in to bat.  Sound logic that.  Ross applied equally sound logic by asking perennial "next man in" Rob Kaye to open the batting with Gabriel Fox (no relation to Dominic).  This was actually a cunning ploy on Ross's part so he didn't have to listen to Rob whinging on about not getting a bat again.  It didn't last long.  Rob, under orders to have a go obligingly pulled the eighth ball of the innings towards mid-wicket who took a tumbling catch. Gabriel didn't last much longer, picking out mid-off the following over.  It was soon obvious that this was a very different challenge to the previous week: a slow wicket against an older and more experienced team  and we were struggling.  

The early dismissals set the tone.  Paolo looked totally bemused by one that moved back a long way from outside his off stump and clipped the bail.  Dominic and Patrick were similarly undone by straight seaming deliveries that hit the stumps.  We were only just into double figures with 5 wickets down.  Ross and Bertie staged a mini recovery, that is to say a partnership that reached double figures.  Ross hit a fine straight drive but then perished to a wild stroke.  Bertie was struggling to score but much to his credit was getting in line and playing very sensibly.  At the other end Peter ("father of Tom") was "Coton'ed": LBW on the back leg, almost on the 2nd bounce by a ball he was looking to pull.  Toby Johnson (also no relation) played a couple of shots that were either (a) edges or (b) Dilshan-scoops that evaded the fielders behind the wicket.  Bertie finally lost patience and slapped a ball to a waiting fielder which brought The Coton Cyclone(TM) - you heard it hear first - to the wicket.  After one single-handed, off the back of the bat, shot to fine leg, Tom produced the 2nd, and final, boundary of the innings.  After that, it was over in a rush, with the Johnsons (Toby and Jim) being bowled.   All out for 45 in 18 overs.  After the higher scores of the last few years, this was more like the cricket that my anonymous correspondent remembers from when he first joined Coton.  It comes to something when the joint top scorers - Tom and Ross - made just 7 (not out in Tom's case, the first time he had batted in the senior team).

Tea was taken, a terrific spread provided by Madame Chandler.  I knew there was a reason that we let Ross play.

Ross gathered his troops and gave a speech the like of which Henry 5th, or maybe Winston Churchill would have approved, stressing that Barrington had succumbed for less that 45 the previous week.  Knowing we needed wickets, Ross opened the bowling.  After yielding an early boundary, he found his spot and with the last ball of the opening over took the first wicket.

At the other end Tom, the Coton Cyclone, got the nod.  If you recall the reports from last season, you may recall on Tom's debut that our anonymous correspondent noted that "Tom bowled with good action, lively pace and shaped the ball in".   All of these still apply, with the added bonus that he had grown (as people his age tend to) and gotten quicker.  Too quick and too good for the Barrington team, as he struck in his first over with a perfect inswinger.

Ross and Tom now proceeded to dismantle the fragile Barrington batting.  The wickets fell too quickly to recall the exact order.  Tom hit the stumps twice more, Ross got two more wickets, one caught and bowled the other superbly grabbed by Jim Johnson.  We need to observe and pay homage to Tom's cunning plan for his third wicket.  He has learned well from the senior bowlers.  A high leg side beamer for a no ball was followed by an equally wild off side wide.  The next one left middle stump almost horizontal and off trudged a suitably bemused Barrington batsman. 

The fielding was tight, lead again by Patrick ably assisted by Paolo, Dominic, Toby and the rest of the team.  Bertie was sound behind the stumps, despite getting a series of leg side deliveries with very low bounce.  We arrived at the 10th over with Barrington less than half way to the target and six wickets down.  And it didn't get any better.  Another superb swinging delivery from Tom rearranged the stumps one more time.  The Barrington batman nodded in appreciation to our tyro opener.  It would still only take a few lusty blows over the infield for Barrington to win, and their next batsman seemed to recognise this.  A cross batted swipe at the first ball hurtled back at Tom at a rate of knots and thudded into his chest as he tried to take evasive action.  As the more compassionate members of the team headed towards Tom to check on his health, the rest realised that the ball was still in the air.  The ever-alert Patrick was amongst the latter group and he swooped in from cover to take the catch. 

Tom was thankfully OK, and ready to take the team's acclaim for his first (and the 2nd XI's first) 5-for.  The team started to look forward to a jug of orange and lemonade, and it became apparent that Peter Jarvis's role in the team was as financial backing for his son.  The very next ball was lobbed obligingly at Patrick who, despite slipping on the wet turf, took a more orthodox catch: a hat-trick!   Now there was the prospect of a jug of blackcurrant and lemonade as well.  

The rest of the over was played out, with difficulty.  League rules and ECB guidelines now came into play.  Tom had to take a break from bowling with the figures of 5-0-10-6.  "What, no maidens" you ask?  Bloody rubbish.  

One wicket to go, and still around 18 needed.  Ross continued, and Paolo joined the attack.  The ball was in the air, frustratingly just over Jim, just wide of Ross, and just short of Rob.  The score crept up, as Paolo struggled to find his length but Ross was on hand to complete the debacle.  The last two Barrington wickets were his as he finished with 7.3.-3-8-4 and the opposition subsided 12 runs short on 33 all out.  

A seemingly improbable win was contrived through the virtues of straight bowling and tight fielding.   

So on the report card this week: batting: F, bowling: A, fielding A.  Man of the match: Tom "The Cyclone": six wickets, hat trick and joint top score (OK, the last one only needed a couple of scoring shots).  We are still joint top of the league after two games.  Who's daft idea was it to start a 2nd XI?


This is the Dawning of the Age of the 2nd XI

This report was passed to me in a lay by on the Barton Road between the St Catherine's Cricket Ground and Coton earlier this week.  Any resemblance to persons living, dead or reanimated is intentional.  This report is rated "MA" which mean that 7 of the 11 team members can't read it.

Saturday May 2nd 2015 witnessed the culmination of years of hard work at Coton CC.  In that time, we have seen success in the junior teams along with improved playing and practice facilities.  May 2nd was the day for several of those fledgling players to leave the nest and take the next step.  It was the debut of the Coton 2nd XI: the first time (in living memory, maybe the 1st time ever) that two XIs had been fielded on the same day.  That we had 22 players on a Bank Holiday weekend serves testament to the hard work and persuasive organisation of Ross Chandler and the team of coaches and parents.

The 2nd XI comprised 3 grizzled veterans, 7 teenagers and Adam Wright taking a day off from his trainings for the 2020 World's Strongest Man competition.  Cambridge Granta 4th was a similar mix of experience and youth: this made it a great introduction for our tyros.  

We batted first.  Oliver Bradbury and Cameron Black opened against a couple of bowlers of similar vintage.  Oliver was out of the blocks faster while Cameron rotated the strike.  Runs ticked over.  There was a team of willing volunteers on the scorebook to record the accumulation.  Granta tried a series of young bowlers to try and make a breakthrough.  Oliver passed 50, and the partnership had reached 99 before it was broken.

Perhaps the most pleasing (and unique) aspect of the innings was that the batsmen were following the coach's instructions.  Ross had set a target of 5 per over and it was being maintained (it has to be said that it was an immaculate college pitch with good, true bounce).  Can you imagine giving some of the senior players this type of instruction and have the follow it?  At the half way stage, during drinks he set a new target of 7 per over for the rest of the innings.  And it was achieved.

The breakthrough led to a mini-collapse.  The 2nds had obviously learned from the 1st XI in this aspect of the game.  Cameron (for a solid 30), Patrick Butterfield and Adam were all out in quick succession.  Normal service was resumed in the shape of another big partnership, this time between John Hartwright and Dominic Fox (both debutants for Coton, albeit of different vintages).  Dominic struggled at first.  In one over, he twice played and missed (missed being the key word, despite the impassioned appeals) and then edged one between keeper and slip.  He then unfurled a class cover drive and was up and running.  John - in the meanwhile - dealt with the teenage bowlers with some belligerence.  200 came up with just 4 wickets down.  John departed for exactly 50, and Dominic made 40-odd with growing confidence.  This was followed by some late innings hitting by Ross and brief cameos from Ed Wheeler and Rob Kaye.  Ross had tried the Matt Chandler tactic of deciding how many wickets he wanted to lose and then having Rob be waiting to come in.  He didn't quite get the calculations right.

We finished on 249-7.   Half centuries from Oliver and John, with good contributions from Dominic, Cameron and Ross: a good mix of old and new.

When we bowled, the Granta innings started in a similar vein to ours.  Good batting by a couple of their juniors against steady bowling from Tom Jarvis and Ed Wheeler.  The main difference was the scoring rate, which steadily but surely built up. 

The bowling was backed up by some fine fielding, with Oliver  and, particularly Patrick, leading the way.  This was complimented by solid wicket keeping by Cameron (the reporter couldn't remember any byes getting through).  Patrick was throwing himself around, stopping boundaries and turning 2s into 1s.  He need to learn that a sliding stop followed by flipping the ball up to a colleague only works if there is a colleague nearby.  If the supporting fielder happens to be Rob or John they are unlikely to be within 20 yards when the ball is fielded.

The highlight of Oliver's day must have been when Ross called out "nice fielding, Adam" after one good interception.  I don't know which of the Bradbury brothers should be more offended by this mistaken identity.  Ross later tried to convince us that he thought it was Adam Wright who had fielded it -- surely the eyesight isn't that bad?

When it came, Patrick took part in the breakthrough, taking a smart catch off Adam Wright who had now taken over from Tom.  Toby Johnson was bowling at the other end.  Still the required run rate crept up, passing 7, tending towards 8 an over.  A smart piece of fielding by Dominic followed by an accurate return to Cameron accounted for another wicket.  Dominic got a chance to bowl, and like the bowlers that had preceded him settled into an accurate line and length.  In contrast, Rob's first over was a little wayward, but he found his rhythm and consistently beat the bat or found the edge.  He would tear his hair out, if he had any.  

The run rate climbed some more.  Oliver replaced Rob, and Ross having judged that enough of the good batsmen were out brought himself on.  After a couple of sighters, Oliver found good pace and good line.  He was hoicked to long off by the opposition captain and responded by ripping out the off stump with the next ball.  Ross earned a couple of wickets with plumb LBW and a rearrangement of the stumps.

Another runout - this time a Patrick+Cameron combination - added to the pressure.

With the run rate now in double figures, more bowling changes followed.  Patrick got a bowl, and Ed came back into the attack.  With 70+ needed off the last over, John desperately tried to get the skipper's attention by practicing his bowling action.  Ross wasn't fooled however, you can never be too careful.  Patrick ended the innings with a wicket on the last ball of the 40th over.  

Granta finished on 182-9, 67 runs short of their target.  A great all round team performance with bat and ball and in the field meant that Coton 2nd had won their debut league game and like the 1st XI sit atop the table after one week.