Coton Cricket Club Match Reports

There's life in them old dogs yet!

2011-09-21T11:23:00.000+01:00

“I have seen the future of Coton Cricket” commented one of the veterans, “it’s me sitting on a deck chair with a beer chuntering at the kids and telling anyone who will listen how much better it was in my day…”

For five and bit hours on Saturday afternoon the Coton Geriatrics (average age 50) showed the Whippersnappers (average age 22, but very heavily slewed by Ross, Paul, Richard and Deepak) that they weren’t quite ready to hand over the reins without a fight.

There was a suggestion before the match that it could turn out a bit like the masters/pupils rugby match in Monty Python’s “Meaning of Life”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w6Vy3l9Gk4 but there were only a few injured juniors at the end.

As the sun pushed away the rain clouds that just dumped their contents on Coton (and assorted cyclists), there was a mad scramble in the Codgers dressing room to grab enough space to park the Zimmer frames and secure a clean glass in which to deposit the false teeth during the game. Meanwhile in the Juniors’ room security blankets, soft toys and Game Boys were reluctantly put away for the duration (and that was just Ross).

Whether there was an actual toss, or it was just decided by the captains, the Veterans batted first. There was a rule of retirement after 40 balls or 50 runs in place, and a limit of 5 overs per bowler, to ensure that as many players as possible got into the game. In the case of some of the veterans 5 overs is about all they can handle in a day, and 40 balls is more than they have faced all season.

A couple of the older team members misconstrued the retirement rule and were packing their kit away before the captain clarified that “retire at 50” meant runs, not years.

Gabriel and Dave Simmons opened the batting for the Seasoned XI whilst the Academy started with Robert Manion and Olly Bradbury. Olly was one of 4 members of that particular clan engaged in the festivities. Both bowlers were steady and accurate – a trait that will have to be weaned out of them by the coaches if they want to fit in to the senior team.

Gabriel, Dave and Richard (at #3) all made useful runs as Ross rotated his bowling attack to good effect. None of them got close enough to the 40/50 retirement rule though despite Dave’s attempts at bullying his son by picking him out in the field at every opportunity. Daniel had been somewhat reluctant to take the field in the first place and had needed much cajoling and several threats from Dave before doing so.

Adam Bradbury in particular took the eye in the field patrolling the boundary and making fine returns to complement his ever improving leg spin bowling.

Mark Carrington at #4 and Rob Kaye at #5 took up the reins (Rob having got over the nose bleed caused by the altitude of being in a batting position with less than one digit). Mark eventually reached the 40 ball retirement and Andy East took his place.

The juniors were now treated to a sight somewhat akin to two arthritic rhinos lumbering up and down the pitch as Rob and Andy both – comfortably – got their highest scores of the season. Rob kept looking worriedly at Gabriel (now umpiring) in case the Child Welfare Officer reported him for bullying. Together Rob & Andy put on something in excess of 80 runs, dealing as much as possible in leg side boundaries and turning all attempts to run 2 into singles.

It was enough for Ross to develop a tactical shoulder injury at the start of the 28^th over and hand over the bowling to the newly arrived Robbie Sewell (replete in purple hockey shirt).

Now, Rob might favour one shot but he is quite good at it and it should be a salutary lesson that if you bowl it leg side it will get hit hard (or on the off, it will be hardly hit). Robbie’s first ball vanished somewhere in the direction of the M11. After a quick bit of coaching from Ross, Robbie bowled the next one outside off, and Rob duly edged it to a predatory skipper who had positioned himself at point for just such an eventuality.

Scotch played a quick cameo (a duck) and Rads also got out leaving Ulassa to scramble on the pads to join Neil (“I can’t see the ball”) to avoid being timed out. The venerable golden oldies had put together 181 in their 30 overs.

In order to set a good example in nutrition to the Academy a tea consisting of crisps, cakes and more cakes was provided. It should by now be very obvious to the Juniors how Scotch, Andy and Rob maintain their physiques.

The Juniors’ innings was launched by the two Roberts (Manion and Sewell). Robbie S didn’t last too long but Robert M proceeded serenely, successfully repelling Dave “Grizzly Adams” Scotcher, Matt, Richard, Ulassa and Neil before he reached his 40/50 retirement threshold.

A lot can be learned about the bowlers from watching the wicket keepers. For the Academy the keeper was not to moving around too much being able to take the ball where he was standing. This was in stark contrast to the superannuated version that took the field for the second innings. This keeper was forced into scrambling around on several occasions (every over) to stop wides on both sides of the wicket from Ulassa, Matt, Mark, Neil, Richard and Gabriel.

Dave S & Dave S are excused from this list of shame as they managed to bowl straight most of the time. It was only partially in jest that Rob took up a position at leg gully for the bowling of Gabriel.

The Academy players – Rob & Robbie, Bobby, Adam, Cameron and Olly - all looked to have fine techniques as well as fair degree of courage as Neil resorted to bowling bodyline. Just as laudable was their understanding of the game of cricket to compliment the technique. This is a testament to the coaching skills of Ross, Chris and the others that have been involved.

Somewhat more suspect in technique were the senior players.

The most consistent senior bowler was Grizzly Adams, off whose bowling the most likely cause of injury for the keeper is to be hit in the face by flying bails as another bemused batsman is castled. It was a mere three times today, the fourth wicket being courtesy of the finest fine leg to grace the Coton team in living memory. For it was Helen Bradbury – who had taken the field to make up the XI – that swooped forward to hold on to a catch at short cover and showed the men how it was done. Now, she probably only volunteered for this to get the opportunity to sledge Paul, Adam and Olly but she was alert enough to be back on her feet after the catch before the charging herd of behemoths could engulf her in congratulations. This probably saved her several broken ribs.

Gabriel managed a couple of wickets courtesy of obliging batsmen that redirected the ball onto the stumps. Neil, building up a fair head of steam, got one to lift and follow Ross who feathered the ball into the grateful hands of Rob behind the stumps. I don’t think the latter would have ever lived it down if he had grassed that chance.

The scoring rate was getting ever more demanding and eventually Robert had to return to the crease to resume his innings until he ran out of partners.

The Academy had come up short but made a spirited attempt to match the Seniors’ score. Gabriel was presented with a trophy to commemorate the historic victory whilst the senior players grabbed a beer (or two) and Ross noted that we will open up the 2012 season with a return match. I was silently contemplating the various bruises, strains and injuries and wondering whether that should indeed be my last game. And then, the next day, whilst in Cambridge I noticed that Sports Direct had the Slazenger cricket shorts (with built in box pouch) on sale for £2. It was then that I realised that there might be life in the old dog yet and I would need one of those next year after all!

See you on October 1^stfor the pitch work November 12^th for the social and no doubt the winter nets.

For now, I leave you with the words of Roy Harper.

When an old cricketer leaves the crease, well you never know whether he's gone
If sometimes you're catching a fleeting glimpse of a twelfth man at silly Mid-on
And it could be Geoff and it could be John with a new ball sting in his tail
And it could be me and it could be thee and it could be the sting in the ale, the sting in the ale.

Nice Jugs, Beardy!

2011-08-31T14:25:00.002+01:00

I like playing against Girton. Not only do we always seem to beat them (four matches, four wins in the last three years) but they are a friendly bunch of individuals with whom we can have some good banter. I should also mention the scones with cream and jam that were provided with the teas. Rupert Brooke may have been moved to write a poem about it. On Saturday last we should give them a special mention for agreeing to play on after a severe rainstorm had left their pitch looking more suitable for ducks than cricketers. We needed the result but they didn’t. So their flexibility and willingness to play under some very poor conditions was much appreciated.

There were a few ducks as well: for once they all came from the opposition.

Girton batted first in – what was at 1:30pm – reasonable weather but we always had one eye on the storm clouds gathering behind the church. The story of the Girton innings is really that of the juggernaut that is Dave Scotcher. Newly bewhiskered, Dave went straight for the jugular, jugged the Girton middle order and it was only through some jugulation from their last pair that the hosts were able to post something of a challenging total.

Ross had returned from his extended vacation to take up the reigns again (or should that be “rains”?) much to the relief of Gabriel. Other than an absent Alastair (possibly doing some moonlighting with a travelling circus) we had a pretty strong side out. Milan was back, although only as a batsman, however Ross had a variety of different options for the bowling at his disposal so this wasn’t an issue.

We started with Matt Chandler who produced an opening over straight from the Neil Sparnon book of coaching (if its far enough away from the batsman, he can’t hit it).

Scotch came in from the football ground end and soon found his groove. In the last week he has managed to cover the last few centimetres of hair-free skin he had available with a fine looking beard. The additional wind resistance didn’t seem to upset his rhythm.

For the second week running he actually had a catch held off his bowling: two in fact, once by Matt and the other by Milan. Dave still didn’t trust the fielders though and proceeded to hit the stumps (which looked like new, virgin Readers) on no less than five occasions. Three of those were off successive deliveries, each pitched outside off stump & cutting back. Three times the Girton batsmen prodded forward and were bowled through the gate. Dave was ecstatic at his first ever hat trick. I just wish he had shaved because man, those bristles were prickly. Girton 56-7: Dave had 6 wickets at this point, Ross the other. Ross had had more than one plumb LBW decision rejected by the umpire so it was something of a surprise when one was upheld as it was perhaps the least blatant of the ones that we asked for.

It was after the third dismissal of Dave’s hat trick whilst we were waiting for another Girtonian to hastily pad up when the rains started to fall.

It was a heavy downpour and although it was quickly passed there was standing water on the adjacent strips and in the rather large trenches the batsman had left when taking guard.

We agreed to an early tea with a view to resuming after about an hour. It was during this passage of play that Coton wrote their way into the Wisden records for consuming the most cakes during the course of an over both collectively, and individually (Soctch).

Several team members sacrificed their towels in the mop up operation and we were able to resume albeit with very muddy and slippery creases. Dave continued and soon took a 7^th wicket. Ross resorted to bowling around the wicket which led to several close calls it the slips for Richard before the former rearranged the stumps for a 9^th wicket.

Adam Bradbury took over from Dave who had completed a fine spell of 7-17 in his 10 overs. The best Coton performance since Chris Cooke’s amazing 10-for in 2008. With the last men at the crease Adam surely expected a shorter spell. In the end he bowled 7 overs for 11 runs, turning the ball a lot which repeatedly flummoxed the Girton batsmen as well as the Coton “wicket keeper” who missed two, possibly three stumpings off his bowling that could have ended the innings sooner.

At the other end Ulassa took over from Ross and despite concerns that he would have trouble keeping his footing managed to do so for five overs. He bowled off a shortened run with – at least to the keeper – no discernable loss of pace and was unlucky not to have claimed a wicket when Adam eventually got the final wicket courtesy of catch from the skipper running back from slip. Girton 97 all out: possibly 30 more than they should have got.

With one eye on the weather, Dave Simmons and Milan opened the batting. Milan was elegant, Dave belligerent: both were effective. They soon hit one of the Girton bowlers out of the attack. One cover drive from Milan was played with such effortless grace that it was applauded by the umpire (possibly not in the spirit of the game) who was able to surreptitiously turn the gesture into the signal for four runs.

Runs came quickly as we tried to get home before the rains returned. There were a few drops in the air (rain, not catches) but nothing serious enough to take the players. The mud around where the batsmen stood and from where the bowlers delivered was drying at last making both tasks a little easier.

Dave and Milan both perished after making valuable knocks, thirty for Dave, twenty for Milan. They fell to the same – occasional bowler – who was pinging it down quite quickly off about three paces. He deserved the wickets having beaten the bats several times and having repeated LBW appeals turned down as he was moving the ball in too much.

Richard and Gabriel replaced the two outgoing batsmen. After a few alarms Richard got going and for a while it looked like he would knock the remaining runs before Gabriel got off the park. In fact Rob was walking around the pavilion trying to get team mates to take a bet on such an occurrence. It was then that Gabriel was replaced by his identical twin brother. (That is, the twin brother that comes to nets and smashes the bowlers to all points of the compass as opposed to the one that prods and pokes around for one run in twenty overs and features in DVDs for curing insomnia).

Watched by a growing crowd (Richard’s brother & wife, Jenny, members of the Girton 1^st XI) Gabriel reeled off some fine drives and pulls and with the last shot of the game caught up with Richard so they both ended on eighteen not out. We passed the winning target with fifteen overs to spare.

In retrospect I don’t know if it was the risk of rain or the lure of Scotch buying two jugs (one for the five-for, one for the hat trick) that induced them to score the runs quickly. After a false start to the social club we headed for the Old George where it was nice enough to sit outside. The barmaid only had one jug (ooh, err, missus) but it was amply filled with Oakham Bishop’s Farewell (the lager boys had to suffer pints instead) as day became evening and we chatted to our friendly hosts.

The next morning I looked anxiously for the other results on the CCA website. Steeple Morden 240-3, Longstowe 90 all out (so far so good), but wait, Longstowe WIN? Steeple had transgressed a CCA rule that says you can’t declare an innings in the J-league, and they declared theirs closed after 38 overs. The match was therefore awarded to Longstowe putting them 18 points above us in the league with one match to play (I think we would have been level with them on points had the result stood). It hardly seems fair that we are – effectively, although not 100% certain – being relegated because the league leaders are being punished in this way (it doesn’t actually impact Steeple, they are so far ahead that they are champions irrespective of this match or the one next weekend).

[As remembered by the anonymous correspondent after recovering from Dave’s jugs.]

"Coton's Got Talent" (?!?!!!) or "Chips with Everything"

2011-08-23T17:28:00.001+01:00

Another day, another defeat and we are dead last in the league. Back to back games against Longstowe – the previous incumbents of the basement – yielded two defeats. It would be disingenuous to point at first XI players in the second XI and make that the focus of the defeats. Over 153 overs of cricket neither team was able to bowl the other out and Longstowe scored faster off our bowling than we did off theirs so they deservedly won.

The match was played on a distinctly oval ground (long square of the wicket but short straight). At one end it was bounded by horses in the fields and the 15^th Century St. Mary’s Church. A tree stood inside the boundary (automatic 4 if hit) and real sightscreens (also inside the boundary). Overall, there was a distinctly bucolic feel to proceedings.

The Coton Supporters Club (Neil) had turned up to read The Times and occasionally make sage judgements on the cricket. We batted first in variable weather conditions: someone must have been watching the match as the rain was only turned on for a brief period during the tea interval.

Gabriel stopped trying to do his hybrid Yorkshire/Pakistani/South African commentator impression long enough to open the batting with Dave Simmons (much to the relief the rest of the team). Progress didn’t quite reach the level of being serene but it was still a surprise when Dave was bowled after hitting several sumptuous shots. We can’t remember if Gabriel was off the mark at this point, but he had made a solid 2 by the time the 2^nd wicket went down with 31 runs on the board in the 10^th over.

Alastair was now at the crease with Richard with Sasha making mournful whimpering noises outside the pavilion. Richard also went cheaply bringing in the younger member of Bradward (like Jedward, but without the hair gel). Alastair’s stealth call for a quick single took Adam Bradward unawares and the latter was run out without scoring (an innings Bradward senior would have been proud of). It has to be said that Adam was remarkably calm on returning to the dressing room having been run out, something senior members of the side (yes, you, Rob) would do well to note.

Bradward Senior replaced Junior and for perhaps the first time showed that his Christmas present from Helen (cricket lessons) might have been money well spent. Alastair departed at 80, just before the drinks break and it looked distinctly unpromising with 5 wickets down at the mid way stage of the innings.

Dan Garson strode into the arena (or something equally dramatic) and with Bradward senior occupied the crease for the next 20 overs. Together they put on 99 for the 6^th wicket, only being parted on the last ball of the innings when Paul half heartedly tried to take a run off a ball that went through to the wicketkeeper. We tried to convince the opposition that the umpires had already called “over” and removed the bails for the tea interval but they weren’t falling for it (our umpires were a bit slow on the uptake though). We also tried the “spirit of the game” approach but this received a short rebuttal from Longstowe.

Prior to this, Dan and Paul had played untroubled for 20 overs with Dan reaching an unbeaten 52 and Paul 36. Paul’s innings included 3 boundaries: he's obviously been getting some coaching tips from his son(s). This had led to an animated discussion on the sidelines as to whether he had hit a boundary before. (Paul, you may want to defend your besmirched character at this point).

Scotch, Rob, Matt and Ulassa muttered something about reversing the batting order but no-one was paying attention.

179 seemed like a defendable total but after tea Longstowe got off to a flyer against Ulassa and Matt. Gabriel ran through his repertoire of bowlers looking for a breakthrough and it was Scotch that responded by removing both openers. The 2^nd wicket was down to fine catch by Dan diving forward at square leg. As Scotch has had well over two hundred catches put down off his bowling this season he was understandably elated to have one taken.

His reward was an immediate removal from the attack.

Dan had replaced Matt and put down 8 hostile overs but still the runs accumulated. Dan took a 3^rd wicket courtesy of some fine juggling by Alastair behind the stumps. When added to his unicycle riding and dog show the latter could have a fine career with Billy Smart’s Circus should he decide to hang up the gloves.

At this stage it was 77-3 and another breakthrough could have seen us back in the game. It wasn’t to be. Rob, Richard & Adam all tried their luck at getting that elusive 4^th wicket as did Ulassa and Matt in 2^nd spells. Alas it wasn’t to be.

There was plenty of playing and missing and more than one ball dropped agonisingly away from the field. Dan was particularly unlucky with edges falling between slip and short third man. Rob – having explained the no ball rule to the Longstowe umpire – suffered an over where he beat the bat four times only to be smashed for a boundary off the last ball.

Neil meanwhile decided that walking Alastair’s dogs was more interesting than watching the cricket.

In the end Longstowe passed our total with three wickets down and seven overs to spare to achieve a comfortable victory. That leaves two games (Girton & Cambourne) in which to get off the miserable three win mark.

It just remains to comment on the friendly pub that we visited afterwards where were provided with FREE CHIPS to accompany the beers. This was enough of an enticement to keep us there for a second pint instead of going back to The Plough.

And finally, the results of Coton’s Got Talent for 20^th August:

1^st: Dan Garson for his maiden 50, excellent fielding (including that catch) and bowling.

2^nd: Bradward Senior for showing that his batting does have boundaries and a dramtic role reveral with Bradward Junior.

The rest of the team were voted off by the panel of judges (aka Neil, Sasha & Shadow).

[As hacked from Gabriel’s mobile phone on Monday morning.]

Tails wag, Mark Celebrates, Coton lose (well, no surprise then)

2011-08-09T10:47:00.001+01:00

Ah Cambourne, that jewel in the crown of England’s historic towns, that paradise on earth. We played cricket there on Saturday. To be fair, the planners have made an attempt at creating a village green and who knows, in 100 years time it may actually resemble one. For now it was a desolate prairie amidst the new built to spec mass housing.

We welcomed back Mark “Mad Mod” Carrington to the team along with the 2^nd father/son combo to represent the team this year in Paul and Adam Bradbury. Bradbury minimus (Ollie) was on alert as The Late Safwan Akram was once again missing at the start of the game.

Like us, Cambourne II’s team consisted of a mixture of callow youth and grizzled veterans. The difference was their youth wasn’t quite as callow and their veterans not so grizzled. They also had a couple of players that weren’t youths or veterans in other words, in their prime playing days. That’s an option we should try that some time.

We batted first. After a dozen overs half the team were back in the pavilion. Dave Simmons was the first, firmly clipping an innocuous ball into the hands of short mid wicket: 0-1. After one glorious 4, Richard dangled his willow outside off stump (7-2) and Rads came and went without disturbing scorers or umpires (other than to replace the bails): 7-3. Paul and Gabriel both feathered catches to the keeper and we were 21-5. It was beginning to look like one of the capitulations that we used to suffer a few seasons ago.

The Mad Mod removed the icepack from his knee and struggled out to the middle to join Adam Bradbury who was unmoved by the carnage at the other end. We then started the fight back. Quick running, some big hits (including one towering six from Mark) and the chatter in the field died away. Mark’s calling was entertaining and definitely non-textbook. “yes, no, no, NO, sorry!!” was one of the clearer calls.

Together they put on over 40 runs for the 6^th wicket, saw us well past the drinks break and we started to look like we could make something for the bowlers to defend. Eventually Mark was dismissed. By now the Late Safwan had arrived and he carried on the fight back with Adam. Adam had taken a particular pleasure in winding up the Cambourne skipper who insisted in bowling too short from too long a run up. Adam disdainfully pulled these short balls down to long leg with a very calm demeanour.

Safwan cracked four fours and the pair put on 30 for the 7^th wicket, we were now at a much more promising 91-7.

Rob came in. Adam – 40 years his junior – talked his senior partner through what needed to happen in the final overs. It is really encouraging to see how much our juniors think about the game as opposed to just playing it. It is also encouraging to see cricket talent in the Bradbury family. A further 20 runs were added to for the 8^th wicket and we had reached Nelson (111) when Adam finally lost patience and chipped up a catch. 30 runs patiently spread over 86 well played deliveries: top score and the basis for giving us a fighting chance: well played, young man.

Matt Chandler also departed on the dreaded Nelson and it was left to Rob & Dave to get the 3^rd bonus point and take us almost to the 40^th over and a final total of 124. This was probably 80 more than we – and Cambourne – had thought after the depths of 21-5.at

With Bradders senior in the team, Rob gratefully moved out from behind the stumps (his says that his eye is much better, thanks) and opened the bowling with Matt Chandler. Runs came quickly despite two early wickets (one apiece for Matt and Rob) and the 50 was up in no time at all.

Once again the adage that “catches win matches” was trotted out. In Rob’s four overs there were two actual drops, several balls that narrowly missed fielders or fell between them and an appeal for a caught behind that was called as a wide. Rob was not amused, but less not amused than Dave “Triple F” Scotcher when another chance went begging off is bowling later on.

Gabriel called the changes (he had these planned out on a crib sheet that had who would bowl each over as a Gantt chart). Scotch replaced Matt and Richard replaced Rob. The scoring rate was reined in somewhat and Scotch took a third wicket.

Richard wasn’t able to reproduce the control from previous weeks and in turn gave way to Matt who took a 2^nd wicket. Cambourne were getting close to the target however and Gabriel looked around his team to see who could possibly turn the match for us. By now Gabriel was way beyond the bowling master plan that stayed in his pocket.

Perhaps he was busy thinking about the answer but when the ball came in the air to him at mid-off the catch went begging. Scotch – the unlucky bowler – now dropped his triple F bomb and proceeded to do a dance of frustration on the pitch.

The answer that Gabriel came up with to the bowling dilemma was The Mad Mod. Mark ran up, delivered the ball to the Cambourne #3 (who had reached an untroubled 48) and promptly bowled him first ball.

Mark then set off on the longest and craziest celebration in cricket history, at least since the last time he took a wicket (or a catch). It took us 20 minutes (slight exaggeration) to catch him and convince him to bowl a 2^nd ball. Mark’s first over yielded just a solitary wide, but alas it was to be his only over as Scotch promptly haemorrhaged the winning runs.

So we had a defeat by 5 wickets. It was a lot closer than it had any right to be from 21-5 and once again the Coton tactic of reversing the batting order (Adam was #6 so the fulcrum of the innings whichever way you look at it) had – for a while – confused the opposition and offered a glimpse of a win. We do however fall back into the bottom 2 and the next two games – against Longstowe, home and away – become ever more crucial.

[As retold to your match reporter by anonymous sources at The Plough.]

Lightning Strikes, not once but twice

2011-08-04T12:35:00.000+01:00

A decidedly un-Coton like Saturday witnessed the visit of Hardwick and Caldecote 2nds to the Coton Rec. For the first time this season there was no rain – or threat of rain – to interfere with our Saturday afternoon enjoyment. Earlier in the season, H & C had run up over 300 against us for the loss of a mere 3 wickets. Surely it couldn’t happen again? Well it didn’t – just.

Going against years of Coton tradition Ross had prepared a belter of a wicket. If we don’t start taking more wickets on it soon we may need to lose the keys to the new motorised roller that members of the club so much work into funding.

There was a debut for Bobby Elmes, another of the seemingly endless production line of talented 13 year-olds coming through from the Coton Academy. There was also a first game for Mark Lincoln who is, to be kind, just a little past his teenage years. As with the game at Hardwick we fielded first. Matt opened from the top end and got quite a bit of deviation through the air in both directions (the ball swung both ways as well).

Scotch opened from the footpath end and soon made the first breakthrough trapping the opener leg before (who says we never get decisions?). Getting him out may, on reflection, have been a mistake as his replacement scored freely from the start. He was soon peppering the boundary and brought one old lady scurrying from her cottage across the footpath. She probably thought it was World War 2 starting up again and was heading for the bomb shelter before realising it was in fact just raining cricket balls around her house.

The rampant batsman brought up his 50 with a 6 off Scotch who was not amused.

Richard & Ross replaced the opening bowlers. There were plenty of aerial shots but they contrived to evade the fielders (too be fair, they often evaded the fielders by going well over the boundary).

Ross juggled the bowling to try to keep the batsmen from getting into a rhythm but it seemed to have little effect as they continued to pile on the runs. Matt swapped ends and tried his luck from the Footpath End however his only victim was Rob behind the stumps. A particularly wayward leg side beamer hit one of the rabbit holes that now surround the wicket and reared up into the unlucky keeper’s face drawing blood (considerably less than Mr Simmons had given in the cause however). After a few minutes to ascertain Rob’s fitness to continue the game continued.

Ross eventually made a breakthrough by removing Hardwick’s #3 with a caught and bowled. This only served to bring in the batsman who had made 100 against us in the away fixture and it was business as usual with more boundaries and more aerial shots.

The Hardwick opener brought up his century with another towering 6 off Scotch who was not seeing the funny side of this at all. Both Ross and Matt went for over 70 in their 10 overs. Richard and Ross were more economical but Rob McQuorquodale’s solitary over yielded 13 runs.

Ross eventually removed the opener for 121 courtesy of a fine catch by Matt at short 3^rd man (he had early shelled a much simpler one at the same position). That was the end of the wickets as Hardwick racked up 256-3 in their 40 overs. This might be regarded as a slight improvement after we conceded over 300 against them earlier in the season, again for 3 wickets.

After a fine tea – thanks, Matt – we batted. And again, the innings had many echoes of the earlier encounter. There was a 50 from Ross, as there was at Hardwick, and 30s from Rob M and Dave Hale. We passed 140 with only 4 wickets down as we had at their place before subsiding to virtually same all out score (199 vs 202) in almost exactly the same number of balls (2 different). Spooky.
We got off to a flying start thanks to some free swinging by Safwan Akram. Richard was the first to depart with Safwan soon after. It was looking like a short afternoon in prospect.

Dave Hale and Rob M had other ideas. Rob accumulated steadily (a very foxy innings) while Dave flayed the bowling to all parts. It was looking very good and came a quite a surprise when Dave missed a straight one.

This brought Ross in and he took over where Dave had left off continuing the assault on the bowling and the cottages across the footpath. The bowlers were losing their patience and the fielding getting ragged. It was only slightly surprising that Rob K could accurately predict a head high beamer from the opening bowler. (If this was a Loony Tunes cartoon the bowler would have turned into a raging, steaming bull in his run-up). Ross completed his 4^th half century of the season (2 of which have come against Hardwick) before being undone by one of the few (perhaps the only) deliveries that kept a bit low.

From there on in it was a bit of a progression. Bobby Elmes looked as accomplished as the other juniors that have stepped up this year: credit to the Saturday morning coaching. He had difficulty penetrating the field and was eventually bowled by one of Hardwick’s two 13 year old spin bowlers (spin must be very sexy these days with the number of youngsters taking it up and doing well).

A very tired looking Rob McQ was departed for a solid 30 and Mark Lincoln’s debut lasted 2 balls. The first went for 4, the second was dragged on to the stumps from way outside leg stump. Still that was one ball more than Rob K who, having swept the first delivery, went for a suicide 2^nd run on the basis that (a) the fielder would throw it in wildly (he didn’t - for the first time during the match it was accurate) and (b) the keeper would fumble (he didn’t – again for probably the first time).

Even that innings was longer than Scotch’s who came in at the non striker’s end and watched Andy lob the next ball to a fielder.

So we lost by 57 runs. It seems that Hardwick like our bowling as for the 2^nd time this year they racked up a big score whilst only losing 3 wickets. It wasn’t that the bowling was that bad, or as least it didn’t seem that way from my vantage point behind the stumps. We are back in the relegation spots but 4 of the remaining 5 games are against either the team below us or immediately above.

Next week it’s a return to Cambourne. 3 years ago we beat their 1^st XI without losing a wicket (the only game they lost all season) on Saturday it’s their 2^nd XI…

Cue tumbleweeds and The Good, The Bad & The Ugly theme.

Done the Double - from our special correspondant

2011-07-26T07:47:00.001+01:00

Considering that this was only our 3^rd win of the season it was quite an achievement to have done the double over Barrington 2^nd XI. They must be sick of the sight of Ross. On each occasion they batted first and then started to take enough wickets to lull them into the feeling that they should win with Ross remaining unbeaten on both occasions.

Due to various personnel changes the deputy match reporter was also deputy wicket keeper. Well, for a while anyway. Barrington’s ground is on the village green in a delightful setting which was marred only slightly by the presence of an ambulance parked next to the pitch before we started. Unconfirmed reports say that the driver was told that Dave Simmons would be keeping wicket and not fielding on the boundary so they wouldn’t be required. So they left.

Barrington batted first and Robbie Sewell opened the bowling from the car park end. From the start he was getting considerable swing into the right hander which the openers found hard to score from. Scotch opened at the other end and was his normal accurate self. On the occasions that they did middle the ball it was generally straight down the pitch where Dave dived to save his bowling figures for himself. During these hearty opening salvos our stand in wicket-keeper was putting down edges. Well, it’s easy if they come straight to you, but not when someone gets a bat in the way first. (When is Alistair coming back?). After an opening spell from Robbie, Ross came on and kept up the pressure not allowing the scoring rate to rise whilst Dave Scotcher bowled his 10 overs straight through for only 26 runs. At the drinks break Barrington were 47-0. Despite the lack of wickets we thought we were in a good position on a pitch behaving well despite the swing being generated.

After drinks the plan was for Ross and Robbie to swap around from the car park end and Richard Allison and Safwan to make up the 10 overs in short spells from the other end. The Barrington openers decided that they would need to get their runs from that end and started to increase the scoring rate. After a 4^th dropped catch at the wicket the deputy wicket-keeper was finally sacked and Oscar took the gloves. A mighty astute move by the captain which clearly terrified the batsmen who started getting out. Robbie got an inswinger through the defences of one of the openers to be bowled shortly after reaching his 50. Then Ross got the number 3 who had been padded up for over 30 overs then got out for 0. The number 4 was then run out by the deposed keeper in combination with the deputy deputy keeper. Oscar managed to whip the bails off despite a challenging throw. Another duck. The number 5 didn’t look comfortable despite a swish for 6 off Ross over the shortest boundary. He tried the same shot a number of times irrespective of where the ball was pitched and finally sent one very high towards mid off where the ex-deputy keeper was stationed and waiting for a long time before it finally came down. There was even enough time for Scotch to run (yes, run) from mid on to get behind Dave to either cover the catch or administer first aid, whichever happened to be necessary. Neither were necessary and a deserved 2^nd wicket went to Ross. 4 wickets had fallen for 10 runs. There was a short recovery before Robbie came back for a final spell and bowled other opener. A well deserved 2^nd wicket for Robbie in his first full spell for Coton and he finished with 2-32 from his 10 overs and Barrington finished at 146-5. Ross’s 10 overs went for 23 including two wickets, Scotch’s 10 overs went for 26 including 3 maidens. Safwan bowled a couple of loose balls but did well to come back in his 2^nd over. Richard also had a couple of loose balls in his first couple of overs but his 2^nd spell when Barrington were trying to push the rate along was very accurate and made life difficult for them and he finished with 8 overs for 32.

It is worth mentioning that the out fielding was very good. Not something that can often be said about Coton fielding performances, but Dave Hale in particular marshalled the longer boundary all by himself for the whole innings.

After a fine tea Daves Simmons and Hale opened the batting. The Barrington opening bowlers were both getting considerable swing making scoring difficult. However, the Barrington keeper obviously had considerable sympathy for the keeper’s union and let a few tough takes go past and a lot of the early runs were via extras. Dave Hale got a very good slower inswinger and was bowled for 1 early on. Richard Allison also got a good ball and we were 12-2. Gabriel came in at 4 and he and Dave saw off the opening bowlers who were then replaced by a pair of accurate spinners and runs started coming, although not very quickly. At drinks the score was 60-2. Shortly afterwards Dave missed a straight one to be bowled for 32 after a partnership of 51. In came Ross and he and Gabriel continued accumulating until Gabriel was also bowled by the same spinner at 80-4. The required run rate was starting to increase and Ross was starting to score more freely. Robbie Sewell kept Ross company while 29 were scored until Robbie was bowled whereupon his Dad, Richard, came in for his debut innings. Unfortunately he marked it with a duck. Never mind Richard – many of us have had the same fate and we’re occasionally getting runs now. At least you were on the field for your little boy’s maiden wickets and runs. This brought Oscar to the wicket with us needing another 36 to win. Ross was going great guns by now even though the overs were running out. He had earlier hit a 6 over the short boundary and then managed to hit another over the long boundary. He also hit 4 fours in his innings. When we needed 3 to win he reached his 50 but we didn’t tell him as we thought we needed him to score the winning runs. We didn’t as Oscar played a few excellent shots including a couple of cover drives, the last of which went for 4 and brought us victory in the penultimate over.

We are no longer in the relegation zone. Not that it means much as we weren’t in the relegation zone at the end of last season and got relegated, but it is worth bearing in mind that none of our remaining games are against the top 3, so we should continue to climb the table if we play as we did in this game. This was a good result against a good team and particularly pleasing as we were missing some key players. It was great to be on the right end of a close, exciting game.

They also serve who only stand and wait

2011-07-13T16:02:00.001+01:00

(at deep cover - apologies to John Milton).

As with many things in life writing the match report can some times be a joy or a some times a burden. When we win, or play well, or there are champagne moment words flow, but after disappointing defeats like this one the words are much harder to come by.

For the 2^nd time this season, Milton came to The Rec, the first occasion having nominally been their home game which was relocated as their 1^st XI had bagged the home ground. For the 2^nd time this season we contrived to lose. I missed the first game – sort of – but played this time. For more than half of the match we looked likely winners but somehow let Milton back into the game and eventually take it away from us. “Taking your foot off the gas” and “(not) keeping the foot on the throat” are clichés often applied to situations like this. I wouldn’t resort to them as a rule but they seem appropriate here.

Let’s get the weather report out of the way first. It was overcast and windy at first – with a short shower that didn’t force us off – improving as the day went on and ending in pleasant sunshine for the post-game socialising.

We batted first. There was a debut for another of the promising youngsters that are coming through the junior ranks: Robbie Sewell. Alas, like many batsmen before him he was duly “Cotoned” by the last ball of the 1^st over and he popped a catch to mid wicket. This brought Alastair to the crease to join Dave “Head Case” Simmons who had just been exchanging pleasantries with the nurse who had attended him at Addenbrooke’s after his unfortunate incident a few weeks ago.

Dave and Alastair moved the score along steadily with a mixture of aggression and watchfulness. The occasional ball was keeping very low from the footpath end making a call under law 24.6 a distinct possibility. It was quite a surprise when Dave was out as both batsmen were looking very comfortable. Ross came to the wicket and didn’t look to be in as good touch as previous weeks.

Alastair was still unmovable although he was having more difficult penetrating the field now. Ross was next to depart, bringing Gabriel in. With the luxury – for once – of not opening and not coming in during a headlong batting collapse he unleashed several fine shots and played with a degree of freedom hitherto only seen in the nets. It was a little unkind to suggest that the “real” Gabriel had been tied up, hidden in the bowls club and replaced by a lookalike.

We are pretty sure that following advertisement in the Cambridge Evening News is a hoax.

Missing: One stolidly reliably opening batsman. Answers to the name Gabriel. If found, please return to Coton CC, The Coton Recreation Ground, Cambridge.

As with Dave, it was something of a surprise when Gabriel was out but he had seen us towards our highest total batting first this season. Adam Bradbury entered the fray and hit some nice looking shots. Best amongst these was a cracking drive that clattered into the bowler’s family jewels causing him to collapse in a heap, grovel in agony for a few minutes and disappear from the attack. This may not have been a good move as his stand in promptly dismissed Adam.

Rads was run out without facing, surely the most cruel of dismissals. His noble sacrifice allowed Alastair to continue batting – that he was still there has somewhat been lost during the Adam/Rad incidents.

Dan joined Alastair and provided a couple of lusty blows as we reached 151-6 in the 40 overs. Alastair had been in for 39 of the 40 overs providing 62 invaluable runs to the cause.

When we fielded, Ross employed the fast/slow tactic that George utilised successfully last year. From the top end Matt Chandler turned in his best display for Coton with a fast, hostile spell. The run in was smoother, the length fuller and the result much better. Scotch was his usual reliable self, with a wicket in his first over and a gradual strangulation of the scoring rate. Towards the end of his third over a Milton batsman put one in the air to Scotch’s right. Time stood still as Scotch took off, flinging himself horizontal towards the ball. He missed, but the attempt was truly awesome. I am sure reports of tsunamis in Grantchester and Cambridge were greatly exaggerated.

The first bowling change saw Ross taking over from Matt who had put in 7 excellent overs. We had Milton on the rack. 4 batsmen back in the hutch for about 30 runs we had to be favourites for the win.

Milton’s ringer, Chetan, had a nervous start but always looked ready to attack the bowling. After the excellent returns from the two previous games, Ross was a little off colour this time around. Not that he bowled badly but as the partnership built we were looking increasingly ragged in the field and Milton started to claw their way back.

Replacing Scotch after 10 overs at the footpath end, Adam Bradbury then produced a fine display of spin bowling that belied his tender years. This was alas not supported by the fielders or the umpires. On behalf of the guilty parties, Adam, you are owed several beers: a shame you can’t collect on this debt until the 2016 season. Dave Simmons in particular had a torrid time at deep square leg. Perhaps conscious that he wasn’t wearing a helmet Dave was under perpetual assault, the climax coming when he superbly held a catch only to stumble partially over the line resulting in a 6.

Adam’s spin caused difficulties both to the batsmen and Alastair behind the stumps. Chances went begging: this wasn’t helped by the umpires missing a blatant edge behind.

It’s worth commenting on the different styles of slow bowling offered up by Scotch & Adam:

· One is young & fit. The other, err, isn’t.

· One spins the ball, the other utilises changes in pace, angle and flight.

· One has a long future in the game…

Adam finally broke through the 5^th wicket and the balance swung again. Ross had asked Rob to be ready to bowl in attempt to change things around and grab a wicket but after Adam’s success the skipper seemed ready to change his mind. Rob, having thrown his toys out of the pram, was ready to sulk off to the cover boundary but Ross was swayed by the pathetic look in the former’s eyes and let him have a bowl.

The conditions looked ripe for swing and so it proved. After a first ball 4 (an inside edge), Rob beat the bat with 5 successive deliveries. One was LBW (only it wasn’t, village rules applied) and the others evaded the stumps but didn’t result in a wicket. Two similar overs followed (without the 4) before Ross returned.

Adam – who had been putting in a tremendous shift in the field as well – was taken out of the attack and Robbie Sewell got his first bowl. Left arm pace brought a new variety to the Coton attack and after a couple of nervy deliveries Robbie showed great promise for the future.

Nevertheless, Milton had now gotten ahead of the scoring rate and edged across the line with a couple of overs to spare and 5 wickets in hand.

It was a close game but one that we could and perhaps should have won given our starts in both innings.

Next week it’s a trip to Hertfordshire without our top scorer to take on 2^nd in the league Barley. Should be a piece of cake (or several pieces of cake, an assortment of sandwiches and a pork pie). Roll on Saturday.

If...

2011-07-09T07:05:00.002+01:00

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss...

Rudyard Kipling probably wasn’t thinking about cricket when he wrote his poem in 1909. But he could have been.

In my mind, cricket stands apart from any other major sport in being moved forward by a series of decisions all of which could irrevocably change the entire course of a game.

“If I had played forward to that ball...”

“If I had changed the bowling one over sooner...”

“If we had scored 20 more runs...”

“If I hadn’t moved a fraction early...”

“If Milan hadn’t been injured...”

“If George could have stayed ‘til the end...”

“If I had worn my lucky socks...”

The fact of the matter is we ran league leaders Steeple Morden very close last Saturday and came away from a game that we lost – narrowly – quite uplifted, feeling we had put in a good performance.

On a warm sunny afternoon in deepest South Cambridgeshire we welcomed back George Speller who was on leave from being married for at least part of the afternoon. Like many recently-weds before him, George may be coming to the realisation that shoe shopping and visits to Homebase to look at kitchens is less fun than playing cricket on a Saturday afternoon.

We got to bat first and the aforementioned George opened with Milan. Prior to the match we had come up with a scheme to speed up the run rate at the start of the innings by removing Gabriel’s kit from his kit bag and hiding it. He set off on a mad dash across the Cambridgeshire countryside to recover it. Meanwhile George deposited the ball into an adjacent building site. As this was all fenced off and locked for the weekend the Steeple Players decided to mount a reconstruction of The Great Escape. After lifting part of the fence clear of the concrete supports one of the team belly crawled underneath to recover the ball. Despite suggestions that he may be better off staying there he returned to the field of play. All it needed was for George to roar back onto the pitch over the fence on a motorbike to make the scene complete.

By now it was clear that Milan was carrying a shoulder injury and after 7 brave overs wincing at every shot, he had to leave the field. We were 26-0 at this stage and moving well but Richard soon came and went to become the first of 6 ducks for Coton. This brought Ross to the wicket to partner George. The latter departed for a typical quick fire 19 but Ross looked immovable as he had in the previous game with Steeple Morden. Partners came and went. Adam edged to the keeper, Gabriel got a horrid delivery that kept low and would have been well down leg but unluckily deflected onto the stumps (I was looking forward to not giving him LBW for once). You would think a Coton player would be well practised on these types of delivery.

Ulassa never found his timing and was palpably LBW playing a cross batted heave to another delivery that hardly bounced, Matt also edged to slip.

Ross’s vigilance came to end for a well earned 33 (top score again) and the tail didn’t last too much longer – or score many – other than a couple of lusty blows from Rob McCorquodale. Gordon was run out and Rob K played a cross batted shot that looped up to square leg. In evident pain, Milan bravely came out at the end to accompany Rob M who was last to go. 86 all out: for the first time in a long time we were well short of using up the overs.

The early demise enabled us to get in 10 overs of the Steeple innings while tea was prepared. This worked for us as it meant that George got to bowl 5 overs before having to return to his shopping trip. Rob K had looked at the team sheet and having noted how many bowlers there were quickly volunteered to stand in for the missing Alastair behind the stumps so as not to be exiled to the boundary again. It had been 20 years or more since he last kept in a league game but he didn’t do half bad (even if I say so myself...)

George and Ross opened the bowling and three Steeple batsmen were back in the hutch by teatime. The first was a patent George caught and bowled, the second a rearrangement of the furniture and the 3^rd an LBW after a handful of other shouts went unanswered. Milan had to leave the field again after about an over so we were one short.

At tea George had to leave, taking the unfortunate Milan back into town, leaving us with 9 men. Ross picked up where he left off before tea, taking 3 more wickets. He should have had a 5^th – and a jug – but was denied by the umpires not giving a catch cleanly taken by a diving Gabriel at short mid wicket (one was unsighted and one wasn’t watching). There was a flare up between Ross and the batsman who probably knew he was out but didn’t walk. Ross had the excellent figures of 4-13 in 10 overs.

At the other end Ulassa couldn’t find his rhythm in a short first spell and was replaced by Richard. Richard went close on several occasions, non more so than when Rob took a leg side stumping. Only it wasn’t. The batsman was so far out that has Alastair been keeping, he would have been able to nip off the field, make one of his roll-ups, smoke the roll up AND get back in time to stump him. But the square leg umpire was again not alert to the situation.

Matt replaced Ross at the end of his spell and Ulassa came back for a 2^nd spell. Steeple were 6 down now and still 30 or more short of the target. The match was finely balanced and neither bowler let us down. Matt was faster than I had seen him before, spearing the ball in at the legs. Ulassa was quicker still and I ended up taking quite a few head high behind the stumps off both bowlers. One ball for Ulassa really took off and required quite a leap to intercept.

The fielding was tight and keen. Ulassa got his body in line for the cause more than once and Adam did some great chasing and returning but the gaps in the field with two men missing were beginning to cost runs.

Two more wickets went - once each to Matt and Ulassa - and with 8 down Steeple still needed 16 to win. The opener had calmly played through this without looking in any real trouble and he was joined by #10. The latter had his fair share of luck but together they made the runs needed to win. The winning runs coming from an edge through the vacant slips of Ulassa. With 11 men, in this position, we would almost certainly had a slip in. If only.

A narrow loss ensued, by 2 wickets after a very intense and exciting game. Ross gathered us for a huddle and we felt – in defeat – strangely elated. A narrow loss to the league leaders with two men short was a good performance and if (that word again) we can produce the same level of energy and commitment against the teams around us in the league then results of the positive variety should not be too far behind.

One final thought on the day: as we took a beer at the village pub I overheard the Steeple players complaining about the pitch quality and the need to put more work in. See, it’s not just us, and we can be very proud of the fundraising and the effort that the team puts in to preparation and maintenance. If you haven’t come down early on a Saturday to help with the preparation, you don’t know what you are missing!

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

See you Saturday!

Swinging in the Rain

2011-06-24T08:59:00.001+01:00

English village cricket and English summers. In our dreams it is warm days under perfect blue skies and evenings that seem to go on for ever. It is skylarks singing and swallows swooping. It is ladies in summer dresses preparing finger sandwiches and cutting home made sponges in the Edwardian pavilion. Perhaps they stop their preparations a minute to watch husbands, sons and lovers as another wicket falls. It is the old couple that have set up deckchairs on the boundary edge beside the white picket fence that surrounds their pristine thatched cottage. She never gives up on her knitting – perhaps a new sweater for their grandson who is now in the team. He dozes off in the warm sun, awoken from time to time by the sound of graceful cover drive sending the ball skittering to the cover boundary or a raucous appeal of the bowler denied yet another LBW appeal. It is the sound of church bells calling the faithful to worship and reminding us that match is almost over.

And then there is reality. It is cold, leaden skies overhead and a gale whipping across the ground driving rain into the face of the unlucky fielder exiled to deep fine leg. It is the sound of the M11 and gunfire from the nearby firing ranges. It is utilitarian concrete changing rooms with a collection of dirty abandoned kit. It is a lonely spectator who is inevitably a club member who didn’t get a game or maybe the parents of a junior team member.

You see, fielding on the boundary waiting for the next rank long hop to be larruped in your direction you get a lot of time to think. This week I was mostly thinking about the multiverse and anthropic principles (weak and strong) and ruminating on the possibility in some of those realities I might actually get a bowl.

But enough of that, you don’t want to hear the meanderings of a grumpy old man. You want to know about Coton vs. Steeple Morden and how the game unfolded. We lost: what more to say?

A grimly unpromising morning showed enough hints of better weather to come that the game went ahead. Gabriel, Dan and to a lesser extent Rob prepared a track that although damp played very well. The fund raising and investment in a heavy roller is paying off even if Gabriel couldn’t get it back into the container as the approaches were too muddy.

Steeple Morden got to bat first in the gloomy, but thankfully dry, conditions. Ross gave the team a rousing talk about keeping the ball up and making catches from batsmen playing to early and regular bowling changes. Some of the bowlers, but unfortunately not many of the fielders, actually followed the plan and at the 25 over stage we had kept the league leaders to fewer than 3 runs an over. A tight 10 over spell by Ross saw several LBW appeals turned down. I don’t think the following exchange actually happened, but it could have:

“How is that?”

“Not Out – missing leg”.

“I know”.

“You know? Why did you appeal then?”

“Missing leg sure, but would have flattened middle”.

This lead to some more interval dressing room lectures on the subject of umpiring & giving benefit of doubt. You know, the batsman isn’t out until the bail stops moving as there is the chance that a freak gust of wind could blow it back on to the stumps.

Meanwhile Milan and Ulassa both bowled good spells and Scotch was his usual self. I must have run out of synonyms for accurate, controlled and miserly in previous reports so will need to start repeating them as needed in upcoming games.

From my far off position I think the turning point came after we had a (by now, traditional) short break for rain. When we came back out our two quickest bowlers – Matt & Dan – got their chance from the top end. Unfortunately the ball was now harder to hold than a bar of soap and a series of long hops and chest high beamers (learn the rules, umpire) were in turn dispatched to the boundary or disdainfully ignored. The good, tight, work was undone. The dropped catches off their #4 who went on to top score came back to bite us and even Scotch was dispatched for a rare 6. Rob McCorquodale came on for a single sacrificial over and the 70 odd runs off 25 overs quickly became 177-5 by the end of the innings.

Still, the teas were good.

We got off to the traditional slow start. Ross was muttering about “do the batsmen have a plan?” on the boundary. Yes, they had a plan. They planned to put all the fielders to sleep and then start scoring but alas the fielders stayed awake long enough to get them out. Alastair was particularly unlucky to pick out a fielder with a well hit shot that was intercepted on its way to the boundary by a very sharp catch.

Scotch was promoted up the order so he could go off to a party. Steeple must have wondered what 5-11 must be like if this was our #4 batsman. He did hit a few lusty blows before missing a straight ball. Mrs Scotch and junior Scotches paced anxiously around while Dave showered. As usual, the shower took longer than the innings – probably for the best.

Milan and Ross were now at the wicket. Ross was looking in good form but Milan was struggling to score despite playing some classy shots. They always seemed to find fielders. Perhaps it was some youthful inexperience and he eventually lost patience and offered up a catch that was gratefully accepted.

Rob (K) now joined Ross with the prospects looking very grim: nearly 2/3^rd of the overs gone, half the wickets down and still 120+ runs to get. Ross was now playing some very aggressive shots: a 6 that cannoned off the cottages across the foot path being the pick of them. In contrast, Rob led a charmed life. An attempted sweep that flew over slip for 4 and a possible stumping where the ball ricocheted off the keepers pads with the batsman out of his ground. There was an element of doubt that the keeper might have dislodged the bails with his gloves first but in all honesty it was probably out. Rob did run down the track once to often and was eventually stumped “properly” but could also have been given out caught as the ball had clipped the bat handle on the way through: a very smart bit of keeping.

Still, 30 had been raised in very quick time and Ross continued to take the attack to the opposition. 3 maxima in one over from the off spinner triggered a tactical rethink by Steeple Morden. The bowling changes did the damage. Off the first ball from a new bowler Ross went deep again and was caught just inside the ropes off a towering drive that first gathered ice and then evaded all the tree branches on the way down. After a brief pause to confirm the fielder was inside the line Ross was on his way for 61 off around 50 balls. The irony was that Ross was caught by their top scorer (who also scored 60 odd) to whom we had granted 3 or 4 lives: an object lesson that the hoary old cliché that “catches win matches” does have relevance.

The remaining batsmen – Ulassa, Dan, Matt & Rob M – brought the score up to a reasonable 115.

We lost by 62 runs. Holding the dropped catches, not giving away so many extras, and the few disastrous overs after the rain break would have made a difference and may have got us closer. We get another chance to find this out next week when we play the reverse fixture.

Good, that means we can concentrate on the league

2011-06-10T21:50:00.002+01:00

Romance of the Cup? Bah, humbug. With an impressive ruthlessness, Coton dispensed with the distractions of the Junior Cup at the first opportunity by losing what looked like an unloseable game against NCI 5th XI on Parker's Piece on Sunday June 5th. Having dispatched NCI 4th in impressive fashion at the same venue last Summer, it should have been a comfortable outing against their younger sibling and certainly looked that way as our "Fire in Babylon" roster of pacemen kept the NCI score below three an over for almost their whole innings. Matt did everything but take a wicket, but Dan (2/11), Ullasa (1/35, the wicket coming off his first ball, and what a mess he made of the stumps!) and especially Ross (4/38) cashed in. NCI did break away a little in the last few overs to push up to 147/8 from 40 overs, some 20 more than had looked likely earlier. And we were rather more generous than we should have been, with 29 extras, including 2.5 extra overs of wides - second top scorer behind the opener who crafted a very patient 52. But 148 should have been well in range, so it was truly an impressive effort of will to ensure that we came up 20 short.

Having praised our resolve it is only fair to report that there was some doubt at the end as to whether we would actually pull it off. The start was everything we could have expected with the now familiar departure of Gabriel in the first over and then a rapid procession of others treading the same path to leave us 10/4 after a handful of overs. Ross and Al then did what they usually do and scored runs, but, creditably, somewhat less than they usually do, both departing for 23. Dan had an impressive knock for 20, but with the score at 93/8, it certainly looked like everything had gone perfectly to plan - an enjoyable afternoon out, some good bowling practice and no more Cup anxieties to side-track our assault on the league title. We even let Rads leave early to ensure that we would not have a full complement of 1 batsmen. But then, alarmingly, Scotch joined Matt at the crease and things began to go horribly wrong. As the runs kept flowing, many of the NCIers began to look distinctly worried - they had very obviously turned up with an intention to win, poor souls. Eventually, with Matt on 20 and Scotch on 7, the dastardly duo attempted one run too many and at 128/9 the curtain came down on proceedings - to the huge surprise and relief of NCI who were expecting a number 11 to emerge from the hutch.

With that nuisance out the way, all our attention is now focused back on the league where it belongs. How we will work out the excuses for subsequent league defeats remains to be seen.

Milan of the Match: Coton beat Barrington

2011-06-01T09:40:00.002+01:00

On Saturday May 28^th, two important cricket matches took place on different continents. In Chennai (*), India the Royal Challengers Bangalore took on the Chennai Super Kings in front of 50,000 colourful, exuberant supporters in the final of the 4^th Indian Premier League.

Meanwhile in a grey, damp Coton (England) the home team welcomed Barrington 2^nd XI in front of one man and a dog. Except that Alastair hadn’t brought his dogs this week so it was just one man: well done Neil!

The connections between the IPL and the CCA don’t end there. Each year in the IPL there is an auction where franchises pay stupid money for average players. This year in the CCA auction we recruited Ulassa Kodandaramaiah for two pints of Guinness and a packet of crisps: good deal, he bowled very well on his debut without taking a wicket. Don’t worry, it will come.

The weather for these home games is becoming very predictable. Grey, rainy mornings lead into improving conditions throughout the day just in time for a pleasant recap in the pub afterwards. We gave Barrington the first use of a wicket which played very well throughout. Ross used 6 bowlers to bowl Barrington out for 89 in the last over. It says something about the strength of the opposition when our best bowler didn’t get to turn his arm over (I was paid to write this).

All the bowlers performed well: the aforementioned Ulassa on his debut and Matt Chandler went wicketless whilst deserving better. Milan led the way by taking the first 4 wickets, Ross snagged 3, Dave Scotcher 2 and Charlie picked up the 10^th. Milan was very close to a 5-for despite bowling into the teeth of a strong breeze (he isn’t senior enough to get the choice of ends yet). He went close to the 5^th wicket several times non more so when Scotch just failed to reach a chance in the gully after one of his famous salmon leaps. There was some conjecturing that Scotch may have been the recipient of Milan’s pocket money as the latter didn’t have enough to buy the obligatory jug in the event that he took 5 wickets.

It was a very tight bowling performance all around helped by enthusiastic fielding and appealing. None more so than Gabriel’s scream of delight for what he thought was a stunning catch by Andy at short mid on. Andy dived like a halibut and rolled over with a bemused look on his face as Gabriel rushed to congratulate him: the fact that the ball was 30 yards away seemed to have eluded Mr Fox.

One catch that did stick was by Alastair off of Ross. From my position in exile at 3^rd man I stopped looking at the passing cyclists long enough to witness the ball seemingly heading for Gabriel’s face at slip. Like a cobra striking its prey, Alastair’s hand was suddenly between the ball and Gabriel and the ball was nestling in his glove. It looked so casual that next time we need to make it a little more challenging by having Alastair keep wicket on a unicycle. Alastair also took a stumping standing back to Ross. He has persisted through 6 fruitless years of throwing the ball at the stumps from this position, and either missing or being late or both. Finally it paid off and the umpire rather sheepishly sent the batsman on his way.

Scotch finally got a bowl to finish off the innings with a caught and bowled: a previous possible caught and bowled from a ball that went a couple of hundred feet in the air having been hampered by the jetstream from a low flying Vulcan on its way to Duxford.

[Note to bowlers: any complaints about not getting enough overs will fall on deaf ears with this reporter.]

89 all out and Dave Simmons made it through a complete innings without heading the ball. We retired for tea, courtesy of Mr East. He’ll make someone a lovely wife one day.

The weather had gotten gradually better by the time we batted and we made steady progress through the first three wickets, needing 30 to win with 7 wickets standing and half the overs to get them.

Gabriel and Dave Simmons both went LBW to Barrington's opening bowler. Being kind we can say that Gabriel’s decision was “marginal” and Dave’s was “bleeding obvious”. Dave had been trying to give his wicket away from the start having narrowly survived his first ball. In the over he finally departed he was let off twice by the Barrington keeper (dropped catch, missed stumping).

Alastair and Milan seemed to be making serene progress to the victory until Milan holed out to mid on. In 30 years time, with a hundred more pounds behind the shot it would have cleared the fielder but for now it was a comfortable catch.

That precipitated a fall of wickets of Sri Lankan proportions as we tried to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. 63-3 became 63-4, 63-5, 63-6 & 67-7 as Rob (caught at cover), Alastair (bowled), Andy (caught) and Charlie (run out) came and went whilst a bemused Ross looked on helplessly (apart from running out Charlie). The run out was probably a tactic so that when we did eventually win the skipper’s innings looked even more important.

Ross Chandler was joined at the wicket by Matt (no relation) Chandler and the runs slowly came. Scotch had worked his way through his own finger nails and those of anyone unlucky enough to sit too near his as he watched anxiously. Ulassa seemed a lot more relaxed about the prospects of having to bat.

As Matt blocked his way to an important 2 not out, Ross knocked off the rest of the runs with some help from Mr Extras and we staggered over the line without losing any more wickets. Ross ended with a top score of 23 and Barrington’s unbeaten run was snapped.

So who was Milan of the Match? It’s between Milan the Man (4-16 & 16 runs) and Ross the Boss (3-15 and 23). Well done lads.

That leaves us firmly in mid table, 5^th out of 9. Steeple Morden are the only unbeaten team although how much we can trust the CCA website is debatable when it reports results such as “Cambourne CC - 2nd XI Won by -1 runs”!

Fun (?) fact of the day: Coton’s highest 6^th wicket partnership in 3 attempts this season is … 0! Being #7 on the batting order is a kiss of death so far – it’s always the number 7 who has been out.

(*) As Madras was renamed Chennai several years ago why do Indian restaurants still have Chicken Madras on the menu (not to mention Ceylon, Bombay…)?

A Wise Philosopher...

2011-05-29T11:48:00.001+01:00

... once asked, if a game of cricket takes place and no one was there to write a match report, did it really happen? Coton vs Hardwick, 21/May/2011. Enough said.

Heads We Win

2011-05-16T11:19:00.003+01:00

Coaches will always tell you to use your head when playing cricket.

Look where the fielders are and try to hit the ball where they aren’t.
If a batsman is strong on the leg side don’t bowl him a series of leg side long hops.
If there is no one backing up at the stumps don’t fling the ball in so hard it goes for 4 overthrows.

It’s all about applying some thought and, “using your head”.

I bet Dave Simmons wishes he hadn’t taken those coaches so literally now.

After another week of brilliant spring weather Saturday again dawned dull and overcast with a strong wind whipping across Coton Rec. Having secured our tape measure back from the “Fun Run” organisers the usual suspects proceeded to prepare for the visit of Girton who we had last played a couple of years ago. Three changes from the previous week saw Adam Wright back in the team, the return of Dave Hale who had taken the 2010 season as a sabbatical and Charlie Stevenson making his debut.

Ross won the toss, inserted the opposition and we got first use of the shiny, new, new ball that Andy had picked up from Cricket Stick earlier.

Charlie got first use and soon discovered what countless generations of Coton quick bowlers before him had suffered through: banging it in short will not get you any bounce. Once he adjusts to this he will be quite a handful in J4B as he showed when he pitched one up to the Girton opener and elicited an edge to first slip. Gabriel’s hours of practice on slip cradle paid off and he held a very sharp rising chance. Having just spent 10 minutes dropping, fumbling and juggling easier catches in front of the Girton team they looked suitably stunned by the catch (as we did!).

The wicket was timely. Girton had gotten away to a quick start using the pace of Charlie to rattle up some runs and also taking the attack to Milan who had opened at the other end.

Ross is a decisive captain and he soon rang the changes to stop Girton getting on top. Adam took wickets in successive overs, first bowling the Girton captain having totally bemused him with some sharp turn and then enticing the wicket keeper to lob a catch to Dave Simmons.

Ross removed the other opener in a tight spell that encouraged a lot of “ohhs” and “ahhs” from the close field. A note on that field: Ross kept attacking throughout and it paid dividends.

Despite the two wickets it looked like Adam was coming in for some tap so he made way for Dave Scotcher and Charlie came back for a 2^nd spell, Ross having removed the other opener.

Charlie then showed how quickly he was adapting to the Coton wicket by bowling a rank long hop that pinned a bemused Girtonian in front on the 2^nd bounce. Like all wickets this one was obviously the bowler's cunning plan all along and not at all due to the batsman looking for a fast chest high ball rather than one that slowly rolled into his ankle.

Scotch ripped out the next batsman’s middle stump before resorting to the “bad balls take wickets” stratagem. The Girton batsman made good contact with a shortish ball and launched it towards cow corner. Dave Simmons had been placed there for just such an eventuality and steadied himself for the catch. There then followed the awful sound of ball hitting skull as Dave decided to forego the use of hands and use his head. Gabriel was quick to respond making sure the ball was out of play before attending to Dave who was bleeding profusely. The first aid kit was brought into play and an ambulance summoned to whisk away the unfortunate Dave who was getting very little (no) sympathy from Scotch for missing a chance of his bowling.

This threw us for a moment but we regrouped. Milan returned to the attack and got a deserved wicket and Ross took another to have them 8 down for less than 100. There was then a fight back by Girton for the 9^th wicket which we kept in check with some good fielding aided and abetted by Girton’s #10 not being able to keep pace with his younger, fleeter, partner. It was no surprise when we finished things off with 2 run outs. The first was from a throw by Adam that missed the stumps at the bowler’s end (to which he was throwing) and ran out the struggling batsman with a direct hot at the other end. The second run out was a cool underarm return from Charlie.

128 all out with just over two overs remaining: the wickets spread between 5 bowlers and some eager fielding.

Alastair provided the teas and the “peanut butter with marmite and cucumber” sandwiches proved to be rather tasty.

Gabriel and Dave Hale opened the batting in their contrasting styles. Dave bludgeoned some fierce boundaries whilst Gabriel accumulated in a more circumspect manner. This included one “6” for Gabriel that resulted when a wild return from a quickly run two evaded the keeper and the fielders before running away for 4 overthrows. They all count and looking back no-one will be able to differentiate between this 6 and one that had been achieved with a powerful shot.

Dave was getting into the groove but in trying to smash a 3^rd successive boundary played all around a straight ball that rearranged his stumps.

This brought in Alastair. Having survived a straight forward chance to the keeper he started to play an array of shots that had the score rattling along nicely. We had passed 80 just before the half way stage and drinks were being readied when Gabriel lost his wicket. This was almost a carbon copy of the previous game where he succumbed at the same stage of the innings. Perhaps next time we should hide the drinks so he doesn’t get distracted.

Milan replaced Gabriel and proceeded to look very comfortable and elegant although unfortunately he managed to pick out fielders with all but one of his shots. With Alastair he took the score past 100 before getting out in a very similar way to the previous week from a ball that seemed to stop on him.

This brought a very surprised Rob to the wicket. Even with only 10 fit batsmen (the injured Dave Simmons being absent) he had been expecting to be number 11.

However he was quickly into his stride and smashed a couple of leg side boundaries. (Rob is still to score on the offside this season so a savvy captain would employ a 0/9 split field). Alastair was seeing the ball beautifully now and the remaining runs were knocked off in double quick time – the final four taking him to a well deserved 50.

So we had a win by 7 wickets with 13 overs to spare. The final overs had been watched by a crowd that must have been close to double figures: a possible record for Coton CC.

A few minutes after we finished the match the rains came down as we savoured the jugs provided by Mr Breward. A fitting end to an enjoyable day, and best wishes to Mr Simmons for a speedy recovery.

Bali-Hi (& Bali-low)

2011-05-13T22:33:00.002+01:00

Every year, in early May (or late April), thousands of people up and down the country look forward to their first cricket game of the year, whilst thousands of wives and girlfriends look forward to days of unencumbered shopping. Months of dedicated training in the winter nets will be put to the test. All those resolutions (“I will not throw my bat at the first ball”, “I won’t bowl leg side wides”, etc) will be mulled over and rejected at the first possible opportunity.

A quick search of the kit bag will reveal that the whites were forgotten at the end of the last season and now support new life forms hitherto unknown to science. Or perhaps you had forgotten that you needed a new shirt/trousers/whatever for the new season. A quick trip to Sports Direct will be required.

You will stay off the beer on Friday night and get a good night’s sleep to be fit and ready (yeah right).

And then, true to form, having just come through the driest April since records began you awake on Saturday morning to the sound of raindrops hitting the window ledge and curse the fact that you didn’t shut the window the previous night.

This was the prospect of Coton CC 2011 as they prepared for the game against Barley. Gabriel had made a start on the pitch preparations and slowly others rolled up to help. A pitch was lovingly (if slightly crookedly) cut, rolled – with our shiny new roller – and marked. The ropes that cordoned off the training areas that had encroached into the outfield were carefully removed and a boundary measured and marked.

Dave Simmons arrived with the teas and the rest of team having waited around the corner until the pitch prep was complete made an appearance. There was a mix of old (and very old) faces and debuts for Milan Mniszko and Adam Bradbury who at 13 had just become of age to play for the seniors. It was a very sobering thought for the older members of the team that there was more than 40 years separating them from the debutants. Even with all that experience the latter were still smart enough to let the former do the pitch work though.

Such are the joys of village cricket, long may they endure.

King George had abdicated at the end of the previous season (some lame excuse about marriage and moving) so Saturday May 7^th saw the start of the reign of King Ross (the 1^st of his name). There was no coronation ceremony, not even a haka, before Ross strolled out to the middle. Following the time honoured tradition of Coton captains he lost the toss and we were given first opportunity to bat.

Meanwhile in the dressing room there was much discussion about where Barley was located. Down south was proffered and for a short time I was picturing a tropical Indonesian island with exotic maidens. No such luck.

Gabriel and Ross donned the pads, Rob and Andy donned the coats and after a short panic we located the match ball, bails and counters. And the 2011 season was underway with a play and a miss from Gabriel.

It was soon evident that in true Coton tradition the pitch was low and slow. Gabriel prodded and poked, and Ross hit one cracking boundary before being undone by one that stopped on him resulting in a lob back to the bowler.

Alastair had one pure comedy moment – stretching forward, he managed to slip, fall & crawl back into the crease to avoid being stumped: perhaps it was the wicket keepers union at work, the Barley keeper being so slow to take the bails. He was then removed by a ball that lifted, cut and clipped the off bail. This brought the first of our tyros to the wicket. Milan played some glorious shots which even had the opposition purring in approval. He was to perish in the same manner as Ross, who had early been lecturing in the perils of Coton wickets: obviously a case of “do as I do, not do as I say”. I should point out that the bowler was called “Chuck”: an appropriate name if I ever heard one! He bowled 10 overs and took 2 for 7. Very tidy indeed.

This was in the 9^th over and Gabriel had just got in the mark. I was going to make a comment about his snail’s pace batting but do not want be accused of snailism.

Dave and Gabriel then engaged in the biggest partnership of the day, both hitting some fine shots and the score progressed past 50 just before the 20^th over mark when Gabriel became the 2^nd victim for a very animated Jimmy Ghani whose appeals ranged from promising through optimistic to downright ludicrous.

Adam Bradbury showed great composure on his debut despite watching Dave Simmons (top score, 20) and Andy East depart to successive deliveries. Andy’s patented shuffle back and across didn’t fool the umpire at all and he was plumb LBW, Dave went to a good catch off a well struck shot.

There then followed the most controversial moment of the match. A ball evaded the Barley keeper and scuttled away for byes. The fielder at fine leg slid and stopped the ball but was patently over the boundary in doing so. The batsmen were coming back for a 2^nd when he pinged the ball in and Matt Chandler was caught short of his ground. The fielder appeared to be signalling a boundary but Matt was given out. After some discussion he departed but Ross intervened with the Barley captain and the umpires resulting in Matt being recalled.

Gordon also bagged an LBW and Matt went for real a few overs later. Scotch and Rob then put on 14 for the last wicket taking the innings into the 40^th over before Scotch was unluckily stumped by a ball that rebounded off the keeper.

Teas, courtesy of Mr Simmons, were gratefully consumed despite Scotch’s moaning about a lack of pickle/mustard/condiment in the sandwiches. The French Fancies were very good.

And then we bowled and fielded. Barley got off to a slow start against accurate bowling of contrasting styles from Matt and Milan. Neither could make the breakthrough despite many close calls so Ross rang the changes bringing himself on along with Rob. After a couple of tight overs Rob bowled a few loose deliveries and got the hook to be replaced by Scotch and there followed 20 overs of very tight bowling as Barley fell behind the required scoring rate.

This was punctuated with a steady drip of wickets. Ross snagged one opener with the third caught and bowled of the match having hesitaited just long enough to need a dive to make the catch look spectacular. Dave bowled the other opener and Ross got a 2^nd wicket with a good catch from Alastair.

At this stage it was anyone’s game with the required run rate going up and some tight bowling and fielding keeping Barley under pressure.

Milan came back for a 2^nd spell after Ross’s spell of 2-19 in 10 overs came to an end. The former had been unlucky not to get a wicket in his first spell but he didn’t have to wait too long second time around. A sharp catch by Dave Simmons at backward square removed the dangerous – and enthusiastic – Ghani. Milan took a second with an LBW coming round the wicket to a left hander, the ball straightening enough to trap him in front.

That was the last wicket to fall and Barley now staggered across the line with 10 balls to spare to end a close match in the best weather of the day.

And so the 2011 season starts with a defeat. On the plus side we had highly promising debuts from Milan and Adam, solid batting from Dave Simmons and Gabriel and good tight bowling from Scotch and Ross. Next week it’s Girton. Two years ago we beat them twice without losing a wicket. Let’s hope for something along those lines this time.

End of Term Report for Coton, Form J3B

2010-11-24T11:14:00.004Z

Overall Assessment/Results - Coton is a troublesome pupil that is failing to produce consistent results. We feel that with a little more application that this pupil could prosper however that could depend on solid practice in the close season. The impact of new on-field leadership is yet to be seen but could be critical.

Attendance - B+ - would have been an "A" except for some late arrivals. There will be delays on the M11 on Saturdays and 2 dogs are insufficient to pull a bike at more than 5 mph: these are known facts and should be accounted for. Changing in cars on the way to games should also be discouraged.

Appearance - B - generally well turned out with a few execptions. Younger members of the team should be encouraged to keep their shirts on.

Batting - C+ - despite the loss to injury of the team's best batsman and the frequenct unavailability of the captain, an improvement over previous years. Only one calamitous collapse and regularly batting through the full 40 overs. Next year emphasis should be on scoring a few more runs during those overs and better pacing of the innings.

Bowling - C - oh dear, a distinct dropping off in standards in terms of the runs allowed per wicket and the totals achieved by the opposition. Some mitigating factors in better pitches and an equivalent improvement in the scores achieved on the batting side.

Fielding - C+ - there is an old adage that senior members of the team should be positioned at slip to avoid the unedifying prospect of watching them lumber after the ball. Unfortunately that would mean Coton deploying 6-7 slips, and their bowlers have not proved worthy of this. Some spectacular catches and not too many comedy moments. Could do better.

Captaincy - A - perhaps an unfair assessment given the author of the report. During the season Coton tried a tactic of taking to the field with 11 captains despite evidence that this rarely, if ever, succeeds.

Umpiring - B - a commendable desire to be honest which is out of line with many teams in the league and more members of the team volunteering to stand. With a little more "benefit of the doubt" applied better results could be achieved.

Scoring - B+ - attempts to computerise the scoring were only partially successful due to the affects of sunlight (yes, there was some) and power. More successful was the late season introduction of legibility and couloured pencils to the scorebook.

Pitch Preparation - A - Much improved this season. Thanks to all the crews that turned out during the week and at weekends to prepare the wicket. The hard work is reflected in higher scores, longer matches and less injuries. At least one visiting captain gave the pitch a "good" rating.

Catering - B - some last minute scrambles (and I don't mean eggs) but always got there in the end. Balance of sandwiches and cakes about right. Coton and its visitors were never underfed as evidenced by the team profiles.

Drinking - B- - a weaker performance than in previous seasons. Perhaps due to longer matches meaning later arrivals and a higher percentage of out-of-village players. This trend must be reversed otherwise action will need to be taken.

Chuntering - A - If Leagues were won by how good a game a team can talk then Coton would have been challenging for promotion rather than struggling at the lower reaches of the division. An area that needs no improvement next season and a solid pass in prospect.

Beamers, Bouncers, Balsham and Bugger, we lost again

2010-08-23T17:24:00.003+01:00

Another wet Saturday in Coton: it must be cricket season (I can just cut and paste this from previous reports).

After a little bit of panic on the Friday the weather did actually help out with a drying wind and Neil (with help from Billy, Scotch and Rob) was able to prepare a belter of a wicket. In a season where wins have been hard to come by the improvement in the Coton wicket has been a source of some satisfaction so thanks to everyone who put the time in: you know who you are!

With George missing, Rob became tosser-in-chief for the day. Scotch was back after ditching us for some roller coasters the previous weekend. One Haynes was replaced by the other, Rabboni was back after missing several games as was Rob McCorquodale and Dennis Finn made a 2nd appearance.

Someone will need to explain to me: how come Andy East has a spare pare of whites that fit Dennis? It must be said that Andy has a kit bag somewhat larger than the team’s kit bag so perhaps he has an assortment of sizes just in case?

There was a last minute panic when Courtney called off. Billy was quickly on the phone to Adam and with some subtle (and not too subtle) encouragement the latter agreed to play. Neil leaped into his car and dashed off to collect our XIth man, the latter changing into his whites in the car on the way back. Just what the police would have made of the scene if they had pulled Neil over whilst Adam was in mid-change we can only imagine. CWO Fox: have a word, please!

[We later found out that both Andy and I had the wrong mobile #s for Adam. So some very confused person has been getting messages if they were available on Saturday but for some strange reason never answered. This lead to much debate about services available on mobile phones, especially in Germany.]

The match progressed through its usual phases, the stand in tosser having won the toss and put Balsham in:

• Fielding & Bowling (including some raining)
• Eating
• Batting
• Cleaning
• Chuntering

With Neil still en route ferrying Adam we started with Billy and Rob. Billy was bowling some beautiful stuff interspersed with head high beamers at a batsman we later found out was legally blind. Rob carried on from where he had left off the previous week and bowled 5 economical overs without getting any luck. Billy struck first, helped out by a good running catch by Rob “I’m not typing his whole name again as its too long” McC. Neil had arrived back with Adam and a very relieved Simmons Junior was allowed to leave the playing area.

Ringing the bowling changes brought wickets. Dave “other big guy” Scotcher replaced Rob, and Neil took over from Billy. Neil proceeded in the Coton tradition of bowling body line short pitched deliveries at 4 year olds and vehemently disputing wides (in his defence, some of the so called wides were passing over the top of the stumps or brushing the batsman’s body). Dave continued his traditions of taking wickets, not conceding runs and diving in instalments.

I pause here to mention that Dave only came 4th in the slo-mo diving competition this week. There are honourable mentions for long-name Rob and Andy but the winner was short-name Rob who rather than taking two steps to the left to stop the ball, went to ground early, made a daisy chain and then had to shuffle forward as the ball may well not have reached him.

Dave bowled the first of the Balsham Juniors and then the other opener. On each occasion they could well have been LBW first but Dave wasn’t taking any chances (just as well, no LBWs were being given) and hit the stumps for good measure.

Neil produced two cracking yorkers to rearrange the stumps along with a sharp parry and catch from Gabriel at midwicket. Dave took two more wickets and Balsham were 76-8 and things were looking good. Scotch’s final figures 10 overs 5 maidens 10 runs 4 wickets – brilliant work.

76-8 became 156-8 and we did not feel any better that Balsham told us later that they had reversed the order to give the kids a chance as their season was more or less over since they were effectively relegated.

Dave Simmons made the teas and very fine they were to with plenty of cakes to give us our sugar boost. The teas were in fact almost as good as his wicket keeping, Dave having stepped into the breach left by a holidaying Alastair: our 2nd good stand in keeping performance in successive weeks.

And then we batted.

Gabriel and Dave got us off to now regulation slow and steady start but both perished in the 15th over looking to move the score along. Adam and Dennis took over (great fielding by the way, Dennis) and got us moving. Dennis was only able to connect with a couple of lusty blows before being bowled and was replaced by Rob “I’m not typing his whole name again as its too long” McC who produced his highest score for Coton.

Some classy looking shots from Adam propelled us forward (top score – 37, 5 fours) and kept us in the chase before he eventually succumbed to the 3rd change bowler. At 117-4 with around 8 overs left to get 40 runs we were looking good.

One over later it was 117-7. Billy Haynes had helped Rob “I’m still not typing his whole name again as its too long” McC put on 20 for the 5th wicket before becoming the first of 3 Coton players to succumb to Ford’s off cutters during the course of one over. Andy went first ball and although Rabboni survived the hat trick he didn’t last the over.

Tosser Rob joined “no way am I typing his whole name again as its too long” Rob but unfortunately the latter was to pick up a hamstring strain. Rabboni came on as a runner. The opposition were incredibly generous in letting us have someone young and quick run for someone who is, well, less young and somewhat slower.

The Two Robbies decided to see if they could get them in boundaries anyway before Rob 1 decided to end the confusion of the runner by getting himself out leg before (35, including 6 fours). There were around 20 to get off the last 2 overs.

Rob-2 smashed a 4 through square leg (literally, the fielder got several fingers to the ball on its way to the boundary). Dave Scotcher went through the steps that Chris Cooke had patiently taught him in nets and played a forward defensive that was immaculate in all respects other than hitting the ball and he (re) joined the primary club. Last man Neil came to the crease. A couple of quick singles, some wides and one unnecessary dive later we got to the last over needing 15 to win.

A single for Neil was followed by a maximum from Rob who having carefully noted that the fielder on the mid wicket boundary was only 3’6” smacked it 10 yards past him. Going for a repeat off the next ball Rob was then bowled with us 8 short of parity.

We’d given it a go but in the end not quite there, again.

We are still above Balsham and Weston Colville who both have two games left. We could still avoid relegation but even then there are rumours of reorganisations that may mean more than 2 teams get relegated. At the end of the day in a season with only 3 wins (none at home) in a season we can have no complaints about being relegated.

And so we headed down to the Plough for the eseential final part of any cricket match: the chuntering. Several hours later we had re-engineered events to the extent that we were unlucky not to have been promoted: missing players, retired players, missed catches, LBWs given or not given, teams fielding 1st team players, etc., etc. Yes, we were hard done by (not).

Play Cricket!
Drink Beer!
Talk Bollocks!

See you at the AGM.

One Fling to Rule Them All

2010-08-21T10:01:00.000+01:00

Another wet Saturday in Coton: it must be cricket season. This was a day that our artificial pitch saved the match, the regular square being unplayable after all the recent rains. We welcomed NCI IVths to the Recreation Ground for our penultimate game of the season.

Expecting a cancellation Scotch had chosen to remain in Windsor. Rob had been intercepted en route to Millwall which turned out to be a blessing in disguise and there was a last minute scramble to get a full team. Mitchell was drafted in to make up the XI and Sam took up the gloves in the continued absence of Alastair.

Tosser-in-chief George was unable to fool the NCI skipper who duly inserted us to bat under threatening skies. Gabriel and Dave Simmons opened and put on 43 (our largest opening stand of the year) playing through a shower against bowlers that had difficulty with their footing. One in particular did a 10 yard slide along the wicket to prove a point. It took a change of bowling to disrupt the serene process Dave had been having problems penetrating the field (ooh, er) and finally smashed a loose ball straight at someone who could catch. This brought George to the wicket.

Meanwhile, several members of the team scrambled around to get a tea organised, Dave having been confounded by the on/off will/wont we play nature of the morning. A last minute dash to the garden centre produced rolls, cheese and ham to accompany the left over cakes from the previous week.

George promptly smashed a couple of fours before mistiming a sweep and lobbing a catch over his shoulder to the wicket keeper. Next ball, Richard was a victim to the same combination. Perhaps he was distracted by the swallows flitting around the sky? Whatever, he feathered a sharply turning ball into the keepers gloves and we were suddenly three down.

Adam came in and along with Gabriel (yes, he’s still there) propelled us along towards the hundred before becoming the first of 3 wickets to fall on 97. The second of these was the unluckiest. The players having crossed on the fall of the wicket, Jack was at the non-striker’s end. Gabriel played the ball square on the leg side, the batsmen set off for a quick single only to be undone by a sharp throw and direct hit. 99 times out of 100 that would have been a safe run but Jack was run out without facing (does that make him eligible for the pre-primary club?).

Sam & Andy also perished without scoring and it was left to Mitchell and Gabriel to see out the innings. Gabriel ran himself out off the last ball going for a suicidal 2nd run but his job of holding the innings together had been executed to perfection: 37 runs off 125 balls had been done. It was a shame that the batsmen at the other didn’t – for the most part – respond and as so often happens in Coton games Mr Extras was the 2nd top scorer. 116-8 seemed about 20-30 runes short and so it was to prove.

By the time we fielded the weather had improved. One the plus side it meant that the bowlers weren’t doing a triple lutz on each delivery but on the minus the outfield was faster. Fast and slow was the order of the day with Neil from the Footpath end and Rob from the top end. In Rob’s first over the opening batsman was undone by a ball that moved a long way to clip off stump whilst aiming over mid wicket. Neil had a couple of straight LBW decisions denied and the NCI skipper put the ball through George’s hands at point before he had scored. Another breakthrough would have been deserved at this juncture but it wasn’t to be.

The NCI skipper and wicket keeper accumulated steadily from an array of bowlers: Adam, Jack, George and Dave all tried without luck whilst Rob took on the Scotcher mantle. That doesn’t mean the oldest, slowest bowler on the team (but he was that as well) but the most economical: 7 overs, 8 runs, 1 wicket. He had found a line and length that made scoring very difficult.

We finally got the breakthough when a returning Neil castled the second opener. NCI only needed 20 to win at this point. The wicket brought their number four to the crease, and resulted in one of the season’s champagne moments. Richard had now entered the attack. After two steady overs he started the next with a high full toss no ball that the NCI skipper smacked to square leg. In a quick piece of thinking, Jack declined to catch the ball realising it would have not been out. By this time the NCI batsman had joined his captain at the striker’s end only to be informed that he needed to return to whence he had came. Jack propelled the ball to Richard who removed the bails and we had a run out. As we gathered to congratulate Jack and Richard the NCI batsman recovered his bat. You could sense that an explosion was imminent and sure enough half way back to the pavilion Mr Throwdo let fly with a string of expletives and a bat which arced through the air with a flight longer than one of Gabriel’s biggest hits.

Unnerved by this, Richard served up an over of wides, full tosses and no balls that yielded the 20 runs needed to win. Game over. NCI had won with 8 overs to spare and only 3 wickets down. By now the weather was positively balmy and we retired with the pub with (some of) the NCI team to do our best grumpy old men impersonations in the sunshine. One more game to go against bottom of the league Balsham: they have dodged us once, lets hope they don’t do it again!

A final note: thanks to Jenny for keeping score. It was quite a novelty for Coton to have a neat, accurate book with colour coding for the bowlers. She didn’t seem too put off by the standard of cricket on offer.

THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT CRICKETER

2010-08-03T22:49:00.002+01:00

As there was no action to report last weekend, how about a poem from Michael Green who wrote a book called The Art of Coarse Cricket some years ago?

(An Ancient Cricketer goeth in to bat.)

It is an Ancient Cricketer
And he stoppeth one of three.
The others whistle past his ear
Or strike him on the knee.

The pavilion gate is open wide
And he is last man in.
With creaking joints he walketh forth,
Thirty to make to win.

(He sendeth a catch to first slip, who droppeth it.)

His bat is in his skinny hand,
There are three slips thinks he.
He snicks a ball up to the first,
Eftsoons the catch drops he.

(His opponents beat their bosoms.)

A chance! A chance! Another chance!
The Cricketer giveth three.
The fielding captain beats his breast
And curseth him roundly.

The field was there, the field was here,
So thick upon the ground;
They crouched and growled, appealed and howled
The Cricketer's bat around.

Fielders, fielders, everywhere,
About his bat did creep.
Fielders, fielders everywhere,
Nor anyone in the deep.

(The Cricketer doth fear he hath an hole in his bat.)

God save thee, Ancient Cricketer!
Have mercy on thy soul!
Like many men before thee gone,
Thy bat must have an hole.

Yet still the Cricketer batteth on,
A full half-hour bats he.
He doth not score a
single run
Though he trieth mightily.

(Although he scoreth no runs, the Cricketer helpeth his side to win.)

'Tis done! 'Tis done! The game is won
And well and truly fought,
The Cricketer limpeth happily in
Although his score was nought.

He batteth best, who scoreth most,
And hath but little luck.
Yet though the Cricketer made no runs
It was a noble duck.

Fen Ditton do the double

2010-07-26T17:10:00.000+01:00

Let’s start on a positive note. The weather was great. It was downhill after that I’m afraid to say. Well, actually it wasn’t all bad. There were some excellent performances. Unfortunately 2 of the best were from 2 Fen Ditton batsmen.
Fen Ditton turned up with what they described as a “bowling line-up”. Hmm. If only we’d got to see more of their batting line-up we might be able to comment further on this.

We batted first and Gabriel opened with Dave. After a few overs it didn’t look like the bowling would be very threatening. Dave got his head down to have a look at the bowling and reached 1 when he got his head down again and charged down the other end for a quick leg bye. Gabriel hadn’t heard a call of “yes” and stayed there whilst awaiting the result of a very optimistic lbw appeal. Ross played a very fine shot but straight at the cover point fielder who gratefully took the catch. Meanwhile Gabriel was doing what he has been doing most of the season by holding the top order together and putting away bad balls until he missed a straight to be LBW to their spinner.

Richard looked like he was going to continue his good recent run of form but then gave their irritatingly accurate spinner a return catch for 10. At the half way stage we were 52-4 and needed a George special, which he, along with a considerable amount of help from the middle order, provided. Adam played sensibly for his 13 and then Jack came in, had a look, then carted the bowling to cow corner very effectively, albeit briefly for his 16. Not wishing to devalue George’s innings, then came the most entertaining one from Andy. Andy’s first 6 scoring strokes were all hit for four. We were wondering why he didn’t try harder to give George the strike, so he showed us. His last 4 scoring strokes were all singles taking him to 28 in the penultimate over. It was around then that disaster struck when George dived to make his ground taking a quick 2. Pulling a muscle in an area which made volunteers to rub it better somewhat thin on the ground (it was either the dive or the applauding of Andy’s innings which caused the injury) George did enough damage to prevent him from either running or bowling.

This was probably the decisive point of the match. We would have been better off George being run out for 4 less and having him available to bowl, not that George’s batting average agrees with this. Neil had a legitimate heave and got himself bowled in the same over. That left George and Scotch to hobble a few off the last over with George being 73 not out at the end with a total of 177 for 8. That made the last 20 overs worth 125. Is the batting order upside down?

Tea was prepared, delivered and cling filmed by Gabriel. The sandwiches were very neatly arranged in straight rows with a very even distribution of fillings making choosing the ones with the most tuna quite tricky or pointless depending on your point of view. The many weeks of rolling and mowing the pitch have clearly contributed some useful, neat sandwich making skills.

Adam found himself in the unusual position of wicket-keeper in Alastair’s absence and he made a good job of it too with the occasional wide ball and a few keeping low. Ross opened and was quickly into an accurate spell where Fen Ditton found it difficult to score. Neil bowled some excellent deliveries, but probably suffered from having to bowl in tandem with the accurate Ross, so their skipper/keeper who batted at number 6 in the away game had a go at Neil and put away a few boundaries. Ross bowled through his 10 overs and got their skipper out lbw eventually, but not before he had made a handy 19. As far as success went that was it for us. Richard and Scotch bowled 9 overs for 51 and 7 overs for 34 respectively. The Fen Ditton batsmen found enough singles and the occasional boundary so that the pressure was never really on. Adam took the pads off and handed them to George who managed to creak into a kneeling position long enough to put them on and take over behind the stumps so that Adam could bowl in tandem with Jack until Fen Ditton reached their target.

Being a bit slower than Fen Ditton at getting a match report done (and scoring runs and taking wickets, as it turns out) I can now reveal from their match report that the 68 not out by their opener, James, is his first score in double figures for Fen Ditton and the 62 not out by H is his first 50. Oh dear. We would rather they got their records against someone else in future please. Not this year though – please lose your last 6 matches, Fen Ditton.

From our relative positions in the league and on paper we should probably have done better in this fixture. The high points were the batting of Andy, Jack, Adam and George (although he must work on his diving without pulling muscles) and the bowling of Ross and the first attempt behind the stumps for Adam. Another high point is the praise of our pitch from the opposition. And so on to Balsham…..

Weston Ho!

2010-07-26T17:09:00.001+01:00

Just a few brief notes on the Weston Colville game during my temporary exile. We were just completing the work on the wicket when the Westons arrived at Coton Rec. In the light of the result perhaps we should be doing less! The weather was not looking too promising and, judging by the reactions of the Weston players neither was the wicket. How wrong they were. I figured that they had talked themselves into a collapse so putting them in was the right thing to do. We had after all dismissed them cheaply on their wicket and there was an air of optimism in the dressing room.

It was a very different looking Weston squad than we had seen the first time around and this led to some conjecture that they had loaded their team with 1st XI players. Subsequent research showed they hadn’t but that didn’t make it feel any better.

As we prepared to start the heavens opened and delayed the start. I have seen in other match reports that we have had some sunny days at the Rec but I haven’t played in any of them yet. This was to prove the only weather delay and it gradually got better through the day.

Neil opened the bowling with new recruit Courtney Henville and struck in his first over when the opener pulled the ball straight to Mitch Haynes at square leg. So far everything was looking good. Courtney bowled some killer deliveries mixed with some nervous beamers and wides. Neil – talking a break from his cross country hike – pounded in. Further breakthroughs were not forthcoming as Rob juggled the bowling in search of wickets.

Rob, Scotch, Adam & Richard all tried their luck and we did end up taking 5 more wickets while Weston piled on runs at almost 7 an over. Richard took 3, assisted by an Alastair stumping and good catches from Mitch and Sam. Sam was having an infuriating time in the field as the ball passed him in the air just out of catching ranges on multiple occasions. I thought of placing fielders one yard either side of him as the ball would have been straight to them every time.

Scotch grabbed two wickets: catches from Adam and Rad. Meanwhile Weston’s opening bat completed a not out century: just 100 more than he had scored in the first game and that was probably the key difference in them reaching 269-6.

After some fine teas courtesy of Adam we followed up with our worst batting since the opening day of the season.

Alastair was first to chipping a simple catch and then Richard attempted a suicide run to a ball that was in the wicket keeper’s hands.

Thereafter it was a procession of wickets. Sam went to a wild swing and Gabriel to another simple catch before Adam and Neil effected something of a recovery. Mitch smashed a loose ball straight at cover and it was left to Courtney to secure a second batting point with a top score 22 in 11 balls. We ended up 170 short for our worst defeat of the year.

The other results combined to leave us 6th, clear of the relegation spots. With 3 of our remaining games being against the teams below us it is going to be a tight ending to the season again.

Runs in the Sun by our Junior Match Reporter

2010-07-13T13:21:00.001+01:00

At last – a sunny day for a Coton home match. In an odd season for the fixture list where we are over half way through the season and have only just played our 3rd home game we have finally found that the sun can shine on the Coton rec on a Saturday. There were 5 changes from last week’s line up, with the most significant one being Rob not playing. That might not seem the most significant to all of you but for me it is, as I have been asked to take on the role of match report writer.

This is not the first time I have been asked to do this so I do have some experience to fall back on. I lost my match report virginity many years ago when asked by a previous club with a rotation policy of authors to write the report. I replied “but I haven’t done it before and I have no idea how to.” I was concerned. The reply I received was “just write a load of b****cks, that’s what everyone else does.” I thought – maybe I can do this after all.

We welcomed the fine folk of Romsey Town to Coton. After the away game at Trinity Old Field earlier in the season we were hoping that the strip would not be too embarrassing compared with their snooker table pitch, and indeed outfield. There wasn’t much we could have done about the outfield but the strip was in fine fettle which is testament to the hard work put in by the tireless pitch preparers. It played very well indeed. To the tune of over 400 runs.

Romsey batted first and we knew we needed a breakthrough early as the Romsey openers have racked up some seriously big partnerships this season. George opened the bowling from the far end (which I am sure had nothing to do with the fact that in the intervening overs he would be fielding at fine leg under the trees in the only bit of shade on the hottest day of the year) with Neil taking the footpath end (so he would be fielding at fine leg a good length delivery away from his own sofa when George was bowling). After a slightly expensive opening 4 overs George produced one of his nasty slower balls that turned in to a full toss. Under normal circumstances we would all love to receive knee high full tosses. But when you are expecting fast-medium inswinging leg cutters pitched 2 inches outside off just short of a good length some adjustments are necessary. Well, he got a bit of bat on it which was just enough to edge it down on to his stumps. 24-1. For the next few over runs were very hard to come by as George and Neil were accurate and most shots that were played went to fielders. Then there was a magnificent piece of dummying in the deep from Scotch. A very comfortable two was turned in a risky 3 when Scotch deliberately threw the ball 2 feet behind him lulling the batsmen into a false sense of security for a third. He clearly planned this all along as there would be no other way that he could have picked the ball up so quickly and winged it in to the keeper to remove the bails with the number 3 so far short of his ground. 39-2. Then followed a healthy partnership where the number 4, who couldn’t get the ball off the square in the away game, got the ball off the square several times. Poor Scotch suffered at his hands but was hampered by an injury. We’re not sure whether this was sustained during his Jonty Rhodes impression. Before we started there were murmurs that Nick Clarke will give us early chances and we must take them or we’ll be in trouble. He didn’t, we therefore couldn’t and we were. The most likely way to get him out looked to be waiting for him to get too tired to bat. That happened at around the end of the 40th over. He faced the last ball of the innings and took a single whilst his team mates hovering over the scorebook were shouting “RUN!” I don’t think he could have. He ended up 99 not out.

Adam bowled well getting a lot of movement but no luck and Rob McCorquodale also bowled well and took a very good caught and bowled. 93-3. Then followed a very tiring period in the field due to the heat and lack of wickets. They didn’t give many chances. When George came back from the Footpath end (he wasn’t really going to get away with hiding under trees any longer) we finally got an lbw decision going our way. Many previous ones looked not un-adjacent. 180-4. Romsey finished on 221 for 4.

Tea was courtesy of our captain which was a wonderful spread. A culinary discussion took place about whether a cheese sandwich needs Branston, but the greatest achievement was the serving of chocolate biscuits which had not melted.

Alastair and Gabriel opened the batting and the bowling looked to be fairly unthreatening. So it was quite a surprise when Gabriel played a forcing shot to short mid off to be out for 8. 33-1. What looked like the match winning partnership then took place. Alastair and Richard batted very well and at a good rate until the first ball after the 2nd drinks break. Yes, I did say second drinks break, which was due to the extreme heat (did I mention how hot it was?) Richard crawled towards the cup and jug carriers complaining about dehydration. After what happened the next ball we might have been better off if he’d remained dehydrated, but no complaints about such a fine 44 in a partnership of 93. 126-2. Dave then joined Alastair for a partnership of 44 whilst almost keeping up with the asking rate of 8 an over, but not quite. (Rob – do you also have that Michael Vaughan feeling when referring to yourself in the 3rd person?) By this time fielders were disappearing towards the boundary making 4’s hard to come by. Lots of sprinting of the first run to get a few 2’s got more runs than was sensible in that heat until Dave yorked himself trying to launch a full ball. 170-3. This brought George to the wicket with the chase well set up for a George special. He sensibly played himself in whilst taking 1s and 2s before the big shots came out. During one of the quick runs Alastair finally succumbed to the heat and failed to make it being run out for a heroic 75. 188-4.

Adam had quite a go at one delivery from the top end, It was very high and well taken by their sub fielder Richard, who only came along to watch his son play. Richard had been saying that he might contemplate joining us as he couldn’t get into the Romsey side. If he’d palmed it over the boundary for 6 we might have been more welcoming. On the other hand he can catch. Either side of this George lofted a 6 at each end. The second was off the first ball of the last over when 12 were needed to win. The cheers that went up when that cleared the rope (actually it cleared many of the trees by the Footpath too. Well, more of an “instead” than a “too”, as we don’t actually have a rope.). As it was so big and as we were umpiring we had hoped for it to be signalled as a 12 which would have been handy, but our ability to play within the spirit of the game often outweighs our ability. Desperate (and occasionally swift) running from George, Neil and Andy got us to 220 at the end of the over which included 2 run outs, and a loss by 1 run! #

The highlights were the bowling of George (2-39) and Neil (0-42) who both bowled their full 10 overs at pace in extreme heat, an all-round batting performance with some very good running between the wickets to get 220 with Alastair, Richard and George in particular giving it a damned good go.

To summarise – phew! Whether this applies to the finish or the heat, decide for yourselves.

Numbers. Coton lose to Wilbrahams

2010-07-06T10:56:00.000+01:00

Looking back through recent reports it seems to me that there are way too many numbers involved. “So and so scored this and then someone else took that many wickets” and so on. So this week I shall attempt, totally without a safety net, a match report without any numbers.

This week’s game was in the bucolic setting of Great Wilbraham. The ground was asymmetric with long boundaries on the Church side and shorter ones towards the road/clubhouse which included an interesting kink to circumnavigate the club house and changing room. The team that turned out was very different that which plied their trade at Weston Colville the previous week: Rob McC, Rab, Pete and George were all missing. Who knows whether we would even have been able to raise a team if England hadn’t been so obliging in their ineptness? In came Jack Bowden – last seen at Parker’s Piece – and there were debuts for Gordon Roper, Dennis Finn and Matt Chandler, (not Ross’s son unless he is very, very tall for his age and shaving very early).

Neil and Rob opened the bowling but it wasn’t until we brought on the change bowlers that we made a break through. Adam, Neil and Scotch all turned in good spells. Matt was wayward but served up some unplayable (and apparently uncatchable) balls in a short spell. A net session with Dr Sparnon and Coach Chris could sort this out. The breakthrough came courtesy of a fine catch by Neil running in from the boundary and tumbling forward to secure a wicket for Adam. A few overs later Adam returned the favour back peddling calmly to take a catch off Neil, the ball having looped over the former’s head at point.

Good catching was generally the order of the day. In Matt’s debut bowl for Coton and a rank long hop was smashed straight at Rob in the covers. The latter failed to get out of the way fast enough, parried the ball and held on the rebound. Rob repeated this off Scotch, this time intercepting a savage pull at midwicket and again using the parry and catch routine. Rob tells me that he still has the seam imprinted on his hand as we approach the middle of the following week. There were less dramatic but just as important catches for Dennis and Matt. In between these Alastair managed to hold a catch between his legs off Neil having used pretty much every other body part to keep the ball off the ground on its way down: not pretty, but just as effective.

So, Wilbraham’s batted out their full allocation of overs: we were unable to break the final partnership. The wickets were shared between Neil, Dave, Adam, Rob and Matt: Neil and Dave taking as many each as the Adam, Rob and Matt did in combination (there is enough info here to work out how many each person took – if you don’t get it, see me after class).

The total was large and our target was a nice round number which could be expressed in Roman numerals that otherwise could be taken to mean “cricket club”. [I don’t think anything in that sentence constitutes a number.]

And then we batted and here comes the tricky bit – how to explain an innings with no numbers.

Gabriel and Alastair opened and put on the highest opening partnership for Coton this season before the former was pinned in front by a fast full pitched delivery. Wilbrahams had probably the best attack we have seen this season with quick accurate bowlers supplemented by a canny spinner. It was the latter that did most of the damage taking more wickets than the rest of the bowlers combined (and the same as the sum of Neil and Dave’s efforts, so you can figure that out as well…). It was enough to warrant a jug and just before we left he was charging glasses from a watering can full of lager.

With all the rookies on the team it was likely to be a chaotic batting performance. Jack “the shot” Bowden threatened briefly then Dennis clobbered the spinner for a maximum to the church wall along with some other lusty blows that sped across the distant boundary. However, it was only a matter of time before he missed a ball that span into his stumps. Alastair finally succumbed as well: but only after top scoring.

It was more or less a procession from there on in. Matt didn’t trouble the scorers, Adam couldn’t repeat his match winning performance of the previous week and Andy hit a few blows before being undone by the young pace man (who had been wound up by Rob warning him for bowline beamers – Rob says “sorry”, Andy). Neil hung around for a while, Scotch almost screwed himself into the ground trying to pull the spinner before Gordon was palpably LBW (I know we give too many but sometimes it’s just too bloody obvious to avoid raising the finger) leaving Rob stranded at the other end.

Apart from a spell at the beginning of the innings we hadn’t looked like chasing down the total: we would have needed to score just less than as many again to have passed the target.

We did pick up enough bonus points to stay out of the relegation spots: NCI lost and Balsham are no longer winless having defeated Weston Colville. Next week it’s home game. These have been so far and few between this season so let me know if you need the OS map reference.

And there it was: the statistics free match report: not one number.

Doh.

Back to winning ways - a grand day in Weston Colville

2010-06-30T14:05:00.000+01:00

This week’s venue for the Coton Cricketers was Weston Colville, deep in the wilds of South East Cambridgeshire. It was a beautiful day and the match was played on one of the nicest grounds that we have played on in the last few years. A white picket fence surrounded the playing area and with the hedges and trees beyond it was an idyllic scene of English Village Cricket (until the players got there). I’m sure Richard would have found something to watch in the foliage had he been there.

From the team that succumbed to Wilbrahams, Dave Simmons, Richard & Ross were unavailable, but Captain George was back and Adam was available again (although sadly, his shoes were not) and Sam stepped in following a couple of late scratches.

We lost the toss, and were asked to field first. We had noted the very short boundaries straight of the wicket and protected those at both ends. Like The Fellowship of Ring we had 9 to start the game, so the rest of the field were deployed around the bat to prevent runs (“one ring to stop the single…”). Eschewing the shoeless-ness of Hobbits, Adam scrounged some walking shoes from Gabriel: I hope the latter has some strong odour eaters. Anyway, George took the lack of fielders out of the equation by forcing the opening bat to play on: 0-1 in the 1st over.

Rad had now arrived at the ground. He had been delayed by a bad accident on the M11. Surely even the police have spotted the correlation by now? Saturday morning, Coton cricket, Rad on the road, crash on the M11: you think they would close it down just in case. While Rad was applying war paint, adding padding and whatever else he does in his pre-match preparation our other straggler Rob McCorquodale arrived and took to the field.

George was bowling with control and aggression from the top end whilst Neil was wanging them down (his technical description) from the other. George soon picked up a 2nd wicket when the ball was spooned over his head and Sam took a fine catch running around from mid on. Neil was frustrated by a series of close misses and edges that – with the short boundary – flew away for 4 or in once case, 6. At least the regular searches for the ball in the bushes and beyond gave him a chance have a lie down, catch his breath and work on the tan.

The remaining opener finally got one top edge too many and skied the ball to a charging Alastair behind the stumps: 50-3, quickly scored on a ground where we thought we may be looking at chasing 200+.

Neil – refreshed from the regular hold ups in play – delivered a fast full pitch. The ball steepled into the air again and Neil let out a stentorian howl of “Neil’s…..”. We all looked aghast. Surely Neil has more faith in his fielders than to call for a caught and bowled when the ball is on its way to the wicket keeper? Apparently not. As Alastair safely gloved the ball we all proceeded to give Neil advice on his recent eye surgery. He should really ask for his money back!

This was the breakthrough we needed. 3 more wickets fell while Weston added just six runs: two to Scotch (who had replace George) and a further success for Neil. At this point Scotch had two runs for two wickets off three overs, both of those runs being wide. The 2nd wicket was completed courtesy of a very nonchalant catch by Adam in the gully.

Adam (can I play with my shirt over my shoulders?) replaced a perspiring Neil and joined in the fun with two quick wickets. The first removed a young Westonian who had just played an exquisite cover drive that drew nods of approval from assembled wizened fielders (some of whom hadn’t played as good a shot in 30 years or more). The second removed the plucky junior that had come in at number 11. Sensing a kill, Gabriel moved in to stand at arms length from the quivering young chap who obligingly prodded the ball into his hands. Really – we should report him to the Child Welfare Officer! In between these, Scotch had picked up a 3rd wicket. Weston had gone for just 90 runs in a little over half of their allotted overs with the wickets spread between the four bowlers. The catching was much better today than last week’s debacle, only a difficult C&B to George not sticking.

After tea, George and Gabriel marched out to the middle. George looked like he wanted to win the match inside 10 overs (on a promise, perhaps?) but succumbed to a catch off a loose shot in the 3rd over. Gabriel (“not quite a fantastic as The Fantastic Mr Fox”) Fox settled into his role as the sheet anchor and with Alastair pushed the score along and it was something of a surprise when Alastair played on. The bowling had not looked very threatening but two down soon became three.

Rob McC took Gabriel’s exhortation to “get well forward” to the spinner a little too far. The expert on the opinion on the side line was that Rob would either smack the bowler into the street, or get out. As it happened, by the time the ball nestled into the keeper’s gloves Rob was standing close to the bowler and Scotch after thinking long and hard (just how far was he out) gave the stumping.

Sam now joined Gabriel and contributed 11 to a quick partnership of 11 whilst Gabriel continued to admire the match going on around him. Adam was next up – having put his shirt on – and reeled off some fine shots including one drive that was probably even better than the one that we drooled about earlier.

Gabriel departed after another obdurate display of holding the innings together. It was exactly what was needed in the circumstance. As Neil pontificated: we have lots of “batsmen” that can score a quick 10 (“can” is important here, it contrasts nicely with “do”) but we have been lacking someone to play longer innings – now we have that person.

Adam was joined by Rab and the game was soon over – won by 5 wickets with 11 overs remaining. In the last partnership of 16, Rab made a gallant 0 not out.

So: fine bowling (& fielding) all around and a solid batting performance with Adam top scoring with 22 (not out) and Gabriel providing 21. The win moves us up one place (above NCI) and next week it’s on to Wilbrahams for the return. This marks the half way point in the season. How will we fare in the second half?

Rad's teas highlight on gloomy day

2010-06-25T11:18:00.002+01:00

The author of the 20/20 match report earlier in the blog wisely said “If you can't think of a way to begin a piece, use a quotation”. So I have, albeit not a very good one.

Why does it always rain at home games? In what was only our second appearance at The Rec this season we were once again greeted by leaden skies. The rain held off long enough to toss up. Captain Lucky had heard that the weather would improve later and chose to bat on the premise that it would be better for 11 Wilbrahamians to suffer in the rain, well, that and the fact that Rad was still making the teas.

Just as we were about to start the rains came down again. During our innings we had to come off twice more but in the end we did get a complete game in but unfortunately it ended in defeat.

Dave dropped down the order so Alastair opened with Gabriel. The latter – in true Boycottian mode – held the innings together with a careful and patient 32 whilst Alastair fell victim to a catch behind on 12. The young Wilbraham opening bowler was generating a lively pace and the Coton wicket offered him some good carry and bounce. Richard produced his best knock of the season to date and we progressed along steadily.

Gabriel was almost out to the last ball before the first of the two rain breaks. As the bowler ran in the heavens opened and unable to see the ball clearly a catch was spooned to mid off who obligingly dropped it. The umpire - who should have stopped play a few seconds earlier - was very relieved.

We reached 80-1 but then entered into the kind of collapse that we seemed to have put behind us this year. Gabriel’s occupation of the crease was finally brought to an end, Ross smashed his second ball back to mid on for a catch and Richard was adjudged LBW. In the blink of an eye we had lost 3 wickets for 7 runs. And it got worse, debutant Rabboni “Rab” Rabi was dismissed for 4, Rob top edged a hook to mid wicket and Dave Simmons was undone by a yorker. 3 wickets down on same score and 6 in 12 runs.

We woke Neil up from his jet lag to put some pads on. It was a bit of a give away when his request for a guard was “I’ll have the beef and a glass of red wine, please”. He was still able to bat through to the end whilst Dave Scotcher was run out going for a 3rd run on the last ball. We had batted through our 40 overs for 108-9, Gabriel and Richard (& extras) being the main contributors.

Rad had arrived with the teas and very good they were too. Thanks for that, I particularly liked the Branston sandwiches with a hint of ham.

We fielded in improving conditions although both Neil and Ross had problems with the foot holds and the whole team had problems catching. We were into double figures with the chances that went down and that would ultimately be our undoing. Neil was the first to be relieved and Dave broke the opening partnership. Ross soon added a 2nd – both had the foresight to hit the stumps and sensibly remove the dependency on fielders.

Ross, bowling well but struggling with footholds, then succumbed to a hamstring injury and had to leave the field. Paul Bradbury hasn’t been able to play this year due to back problems but he gamely agreed to substitute in the field whilst Rob took over bowling. Rob promptly removed himself from the attack in favour of a proper bowler.

In the stygian gloom more chances went down before we grabbed a couple more wickets. Scotch took a caught and bowled (how come bowlers never drop the ball from their own bowling), and finally a back peddling Pete Brooks held on to a catch to remove the Wilbraham opener who had by now had more lives than a whole litter of kittens. Pete’s adoring fan club were seriously impressed by the catch – I wonder if they realise just how rare and event they had witnessed?

Wilbrahams limped over the line with 4 wickets down and 4 overs to spare. The bonus points we had gathered were enough to keep us above Weston Colville (our next opponents) and Balsham (yet to win this season).

So, Captain Lucky’s lucky streak ran out and it’s with a sense of relief that he hands back the reigns to King George for the upcoming games. He was right about the weather though.

Fulbourn defeated: Antipodean ringer to the rescue - welcome back Ross

2010-06-18T11:56:00.003+01:00

In the absence of Captain George who was on a school trip (“stuck on a boat of the coast of Essex” we learned later) Rob lead the Coton team to the return engagement at Fulbourn. When they visited Coton earlier in the season the game was characterised by persistent drizzle and the need to have nominated ball dryers in the field. The weather was much better today. Ross stepped into the team for his first game of the season and Sam and Rob McCorquodale were back on duty replacing Pete and Adam.

Alastair had arrived on time, and Rads was telling all and sundry that he had been there since the early hours of the morning. This time it was Neil & Ross who made the late appearance after taking the scenic tour of East Cambridgeshire.

Last season I was very lucky at losing the toss but getting the opposition to do what we wanted. This season I continued with the tradition of losing the toss but this time the opposition were not so obliging and we were inserted to bat.

I can’t remember whether it was at this point that Neil started to build his excuses for the match (“I’m running on painkillers”) or if waited until it was his turn to bowl – whatever, it seemed to work.

We got off to the traditional Coton start with first Dave Simmons and then Gabriel being LBW. By the time Gabriel went, Mr Extras was doing a sterling job of keeping the scoreboard ticking over so Gabriel’s duck could well be the longest in Coton history. Ross entered the fray for his first bat of

the season and with the consistent Alastair put on 48 for the 3^rd wicket. Ross was looking in control with fine shots including a pull that left the ground, crossed the road and entered a nearby garden. Next time we looked a guard dog was sitting at the gate and this probably deterred people from aiming for the short boundary too often.

It was then something of a surprise when Ross fished at one outside the off stump and feathered a catch to the keeper. His 25 was to prove the top score. Alastair went soon after for 23 and we then lost wickets regularly to decline from 74-3 to 119 all out. A vintage Coton batting performance that we thought we had gotten away from in recent weeks. Sam, Rob M, Richard and Neil all made starts without going on to big scores (although to be fair in Neil’s case he was trying to shepherd the tail and was left high and dry by a succession of care bears).

Painkiller Neil opened the bowling with Rob (captain’s prerogative). The latter bowled rubbish for the 3^rd game in a row and quickly removed himself from the attack (also the captain’s prerogative) to avoid further humiliation. Meanwhile Neil, perhaps bowling within himself due to his pains, took the first three wickets to fall and Scotch – although not quite as niggardly as previous weeks took a 4^th leaving Fulbourn struggling at 45-4. The fielding in support of the bowling was very sharp with Dave Simmons and Rads taking good catches.

Neil was visibly flagging towards the end of his spell and made way for Ross to have his first bowl of the season. The latter reeled off 7 overs of accurate, skidding cutters. A fifth wicket went down on 60 which meant that Fulbourn were exactly half way to their target with half the wickets down. The game was in the balance. For the next few overs the initiative switched hands a few times. Firstly there was a catch by Gabriel off Scotch’s bowling. Not just a catch but a well executed running & tumbling catch in the deep. As the ball went up 10 Coton players collectively held their breath hoping that this would be the one – and so it was. I don’t think I have been in a team so celebratory over a single catch and the significance must have been lost on Fulbourn: 68-6, advantage Coton.

Fulbourn’s keeper then took charge with a series of lusty blows. The ball was often in the air but evading fielders and he led two sizable partnerships that moved the momentum back Fulbourn’s way. Ross broke both partnerships. The first was a catch behind by Alastair. It’s worth sidetracking for a moment here to reflect on Alastair’s appealing. With each successive appeal more of the apparel is flung to the ground in joy, gloves, inners, masks are scattered as he runs to congratulate the bowler. I am expecting that before the end of the season he will be stripping off completely for a key wicket. On this occasion with the ball safely pouched he want to do one of those throw it in the air moves and fumbled the ball. It was obviously securely caught before this but from the sidelines it looked like he might have dropped it. 87-7 and the match back in the balance.

We then get to the 27^th over. David had bowled 9 in a row. He was looking a bit shattered. What gave this away was the moment that he stopped the ball on the fine leg boundary before, in a very Robert Green like move, carefully kicking it over the line for 4. I’d asked Neil to warm up and the Fulbourn batsmen had obviously overheard this and in a frantic effort to avoid facing Neil three of them missed balls from Ross who rattled the timbers on each occasion. As Ross carefully moved his field 6” forward and 3” to the left before each ball 107-7 became 107 all out over the course of the over and we were home by 12 runs, Ross 5-24.

For once, we didn’t concede more extras than we obtained. The difference (11 in our favour) was only one less than the winning margin proving the value of tight bowling in these tight games.

We celebrated the win as if we had won a cup final. In reality the win was enough to lift us out of the relegation spots which are now occupied by Balsham (no wins yet this year) and Weston Colville. On Saturday we finally get a home game. A quirk of the fixtures is that 7 of our first 9 games are away, and then later in the season 6 out of 7 are at home. We welcome Wibrahams II to the Recreation Ground. The strip is looking in fine fettle. Hopefully the council will have harvested the pasture that surrounds it otherwise we will risk losing shorter players in the outfield. I am reading up on the umpiring procedure for lost balls now.

The Coton Twenty/20: Jokers all round!

2010-06-09T16:15:00.003+01:00

If you can't think of a way to begin a piece, use a quotation." Well frankly that's poor advice and anyone who followed it would be mad. And mad just happens to be one word that springs to mind when thinking of the afternoon of Bank Holiday mayhem which was the inaugural Coton Twenty20 fund-raising extravaganza on May 31st 2010. Under mischievous clouds, 26 free-spirited individuals congregated for a festival of batting, bowling and burgers which was not only a massive hoot, thoroughly enjoyed by the players and the impressive crowd, which may even have outnumbered the active combatants, but also raised £500 for Coton Cricket Club's "Heavy Roller Fund".

Having organised the teams, conveniently known as Team 1 and Team 2, in honour of the order in which they batted, and spent an hour getting to know Al Breward's fiendishly complex (and hugely lucrative) rules, battle commenced with Team 1's opening pair of Gabriel Fox and Abid Abdulali, who carted the ball around the Coton Rec with gay abandon in an opening stand of 58 in six overs. At that point Team 2 seized the initiative thanks to the deadly bowling of Coton CC stalwarts Dave Scotcher and Ross Chandler, who ripped out the top order to leave Team 1 pegged back at 69-4 after 9 overs. A resurgence was led by young Ollie Bennett with two 4s and Jack "One Shot" Bowden, who embarrassedly confesses to having just a single cricket stroke in his armoury. Unfortunately for Team 2 it happens to be a six smashed over midwicket. Four of these later, Bowden was invited to retire, having passed the pre-determined run limit for the game. Team 1 eventually staggered to 142-9 in their 20 overs, with Fox and Bowden both retired-not out on 32, Abdulali 23 and ludicrously miserly bowling figures of 2-1-4-3 from Chandler.

Team 2 set off in pursuit of their target with the immediate and canny use by Dave Simmons of a joker to prevent himself being out. The jokers had been auctioned off at the beginning of the match, raising healthy funds for the club, and while Team 1 generally forgot to use theirs, Team 2 were not so careless. Simmons, immune from dismissal for the first 4 overs, proceeded to explore every known way to get out, simply laughing with disdain as catches were held, his stumps were splayed and so on. Once the four overs were done, he then proceeded to bat properly, smashing the ball to all corners before being retired. While this was going on, Team 1 had winkled out the other opener, but thereafter wickets were hard to come by. Skipper Billy Haynes crashed a couple of boundaries and Dave Scotcher followed up his fine bowling with some solid pummelling with the bat, taking Team 2 to 79-1 in the eighth, well on the way to their target. At this point Team 1 skipper Adam Wright and then Jack Bowden changed the course of the match with three quick wickets each. Suddenly, and despite a massive six from Ross Chandler, Team 2 were 100-6 and, even with 13 players a side, starting to run out of batsmen. Brief resistance was offered by Neil Sparnon, who bashed a couple of fours before bashing the ball straight back at the bowler, who stopped a certain six by catching it. It was not enough, and Team 2 could only make it to 139 in their 20 overs, Simmons retired-not out 34, Scotcher 20, Bowden ending with 3-9 and Wright 3-11.

Whether it was due to the scintillating cricket or the vast mountain of handcrafted burgers and hot dogs consumed fresh off the barbecue during the innings break, who can be certain, but there is no doubt that a fabulous time was had by all. Buoyed up by the day's overwhelming success, the club promises another such extravaganza at the end of the season and bookings are already being taken for coveted places both in the teams and around the boundary rope.